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David Derksen
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Cheaters have a warped view of reality - Divorce Minister

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This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.

-John 3:19, NIV

The Warped World of Cheaters

When you have trouble admitting truth, your grip with reality will become looser and looser. Along with that loosening grip, your world will become warped.

This is part of the reason I believe cheaters are such “good” liars. They ACTUALLY believe what they are spewing forth even though it may contradict facts and reality.

Unfortunately, the faithful spouse can find themselves caught up in this world warp. I am convinced I was.

Looking back, I shake my head at how easily manipulated I was. Now, I don’t really blame myself as I trusted my (now  ex) wife, and I was highly committed to keeping our marriage together.

Both commitments are not character flaws. But they were exploited.

In particular, I remember a time when my (now ex) wife had an emotionally inappropriate relationship, minimally, with another man.

She (and her family) had me convinced this inappropriate relationship only happened because of MY shortcomings in our marriage. It was a “cry for help.”

In other words, the warped world of this cheater taught that the aggressor–namely the cheater–was not responsible for the aggression. Instead, the victim “had it coming” for ____ (you fill in the blank for the pet marriage grievance).

The reality is that marriage circumstances do not cause infidelity. People making choices to cheat cause infidelity. And it is the person who made that sinful choice that is fully responsible for said sin (2 Corinthians 5:10).

A faithful spouse’s shortcomings–real or imagined–are irrelevant as it comes to addressing infidelity. The faithful spouse was not the agent making the poor choice to cheat. That is reality.

Don’t let the cheater suck you into their own alternate moral universe. It is a warped world, after all.

_____
*A version of this post ran previously. Cheaters still view the world through warped lens…Don’t get sucked in!

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