Dealing with Failure — Broken & Hopeful
Last week, I was in a mood. For most of the afternoon, I stomped around grumpy with the kids, the house, the husband. Everything. I justified it in my head as being someone else’ fault, but it wasn’t. I dished out orders to my precious little ones—I even got mad at the dog because she wouldn’t stop barking at something she has made up in her head! I was incredibly unpleasant to be around.
When I finally realized what a jerk I was being, I hung my head in shame. Here I am, the one who is supposed to know Jesus and experience His fullness and strength for everything—stomping around and throwing a temper tantrum like a 3-year-old.
Now, I have learned a few things about failure. And it is an ongoing sort of lesson, but I wanted to encourage any of you that feel like you have failed recently whether it be in a big or small way. These are some common misconceptions with failure that I think will help you come back to your acknowledgment of your state of abiding in Christ.
1. “I’m a Christian so I shouldn’t fail.”
It is true that we are in Christ and He is in us, and that doesn’t change based on failure. You have been transferred from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of light, and we don’t rocket back and forth between kingdoms based on behavior. It is also true that we can choose to walk in the flesh, the old patterns of trying to deal with life when we think it’s all up to us and God isn’t doing anything about it. Our new creation status doesn’t change, but even new creations can still act like an old one. It just doesn’t suit us anymore. We recognize that it doesn’t work. When you recognize the power, safety and love you have because you are in Christ, you don’t need to try to make the flesh work. But there is an acknowledgment of weakness in there that doesn’t come easily to us. Still, it is true that I might fail, but my position in Christ is steadfast.
2. “I will just keep failing.”
I tell people a lot that whenever we use superlatives like “always” or “never” we are playing God and will not end up in a good place. I don’t know the future, and I don’t know how things will be tomorrow. I can choose to remember the delight when I recognize my place in Christ and Christ in me. I think every moment is a new chance to see Jesus’ Life at work through me, and we can enjoy that instead of drowning in the assessment that I have failed a few times so I will always fail. A sweet friend says it like this: You will come back more quickly to Jesus, and you will stay there with Him longer as you grow to know Him more and more.
3. “I must wallow in the shame of failing to prevent it from happening again.”
This sounds like the monks of old who would beat their backs with reeds until they were bloody because that was going to keep them from sinning again. The problem is that your focus is so absorbed by the failure that it’s all you see. You don’t remember the Life you have within you, but just keep beating yourself up for not being better. Instead, we get to admit our weakness and celebrate His strength through it. Move on through–don’t stay there wallowing.
4. “God is disappointed in me.”
God actually isn’t afraid of our failings. Mike Wells used to say that you will fall, but when you fall you either fall into God or fall away from Him. I get to choose what to do with the ways I’ve missed the mark. I get to believe that every moment of every day I am being put in the best place to know God. That includes the time of failing. For those who want to be perfect in their own strength, that sounds like the wrong direction. But our calling to be perfect is a promise as we allow the Life of Christ within to live the Christian life, not when we try to get our behavior perfect by beating up on ourselves and trying harder.
So, when you fail, come running back to Jesus and let Him remind you that He never left. In the weakness on display because of your failure, let Him be your strength. He will not fail you.
I don’t have to hang my head in shame over the failings of last week, but can instead move forward in the new day He has brought with all the strength that He provides for it.
My old identity has been co-crucified with Messiah and no longer lives; for the nails of his cross crucified me with him. And now the essence of this new life is no longer mine, for the Anointed One lives his life through me—we live in union as one! My new life is empowered by the faith of the Son of God who loves me so much that he gave himself for me, and dispenses his life into mine! So that is why I don’t view God’s grace as something minor or peripheral. For if keeping the law could release God’s righteousness to us, the Anointed One would have died for nothing. Galatians 2:20-21