Don’t Waste Your Singleness
In part one of this series, “Unconditional Surrender: When Eternity's on the Line,” Katie interviewed “Nate,” a single man who moved from Houston to serve the Lord overseas. If you missed that post, go back and read how the Lord stirred his heart for eternity, called him to surrender his deepest desires, and led him to follow Christ beyond comfort and certainty.
“More than anything she wants _________”
If a few of your friends were asked to finish that sentence about you, what would they write?
Their answers would be telling. Friends hear the topics you talk and text about most often. They know how you spend your spare time, and they notice exactly what excites you and what weighs you down. Even if you’ve never expressed them explicitly, the rhythms of your life are always revealing what you long for most.
So what is it that you really want? What is it that you long for so deeply that you would endure disappointment, heartbreak, or even loss?
For single believers, the answer tends to involve marriage, a family, or a secure future—desires the early church wrestled with as well. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul acknowledges these longings, but redirects them—pointing believers to priorities beyond the temporal. He wrote:
This is what I mean, brothers and sisters: The time is limited . . . For this world in its current form is passing away.
I want you to be without concerns. The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But the married man is concerned about the things of the world—how he may please his wife—and his interests are divided. (1 Corinthians 7:29, 31–34)
With these words, Paul wasn’t condemning marriage or shaming those who long for it. The Lord knows the desires of our hearts, and He’s a good and generous Father.
But singleness carries a unique freedom with opportunities to devote your love, your time, and your attention fully to eternal purposes. Marriage is limited to this lifetime, but Christ’s kingdom will last forever. That’s why Paul urged single believers to lift their eyes and live for what would remain.
As a single woman, the same invitation—to live with an undivided heart and undistracted devotion to Jesus—is yours today. So as you read the rest of Nate’s interview below, here’s a question to consider: what if your deepest longings weren’t ultimately about your comfort, security, or happiness—but the joyful pursuit of something (and Someone) far bigger?
Here’s what Nate says he is longing for:
I want to be used by God for His glory. I want my life to count for eternity. I want to store up treasure in heaven. I want to stand with confidence before the throne. Therefore, I resolve to embrace suffering, pain, shame, any kind of risk, weakness, calamity, heartbreak, shattered hopes and dreams, or anything else that Jesus, the Good Shepherd, may ask of my life, for He is worthy.
Katie: Our culture tends to elevate romantic relationships as central to a fulfilled life. For those in their twenties and thirties especially, finding a spouse is often considered one of the most important pursuits. How has your perspective on this changed? What have you learned about surrendering this desire to the Lord?
Nate: Nobody can deny that finding a spouse is an important pursuit. The mistake we have all made is making it our greatest pursuit. The hope of a future spouse wages war in our hearts against all-out worship for Christ. It is convicting to consider how much greater the intensity of affection in our hearts is for a future spouse than for Christ.
It has been helpful for me to imagine what He might say:
I know, beloved. I know. Your desires are no mystery to me. I see the desires of your heart through and through. Fear not, little flock. You will reign with me in my kingdom. All authority has been given to me. I can bring a spouse at any time I please. Would you trust me with this, beloved? Even if my call for you were lifelong singleness, would I be enough for you? Nothing will come into your life except through grace—both prosperity and calamity. If I keep good things from you, I will satisfy you with Myself.
Katie: What have you discovered about Jesus as you’ve grown in your dependence on Him?
Nate: To “trust in the wisdom of God.” Jesus has all authority, all wisdom, and all power at His disposal. Jesus has considered every possible outcome in the course of redemptive history, and He ordains only that which accords with His will (Eph. 1:11). Jesus could have done it a different way, but He did not. Instead, He works all things together according to His wisdom.
Jesus knows how to deal gently with us and lavish His grace upon us. He could have ordained that we get married when our wisdom thought best, but instead He graciously works it according to His good wisdom, which remains a mystery to us. Jesus has infinite wisdom to decide what shall be done to maximize His glory and to maximize our eternal joy in Him. What could be better? We need only to trust Him.
The facet of God’s character that I forget most often is His tenderness. “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench” (Matt. 12:20 ESV). “I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matt. 11:29 ESV).
The more I walk by faith in the promises of God, the more clearly I see that God keeps His promises. The more I depend on Jesus, the more He shows me that He is dependable.
Katie: You wrote about longing for the day when the pleasures of marriage will seem like nothing compared to dwelling with Christ. How does the hope of being with Jesus forever influence your personal priorities and daily decisions?
Nate: The Bible is very clear. Believers will receive a reward based on the work they have done in this life (1 Cor. 3:12–15; 2 Cor. 5:10; Rev. 22:12). This life is temporary. Heaven is eternal. It is so easy to think that we need to live for this world. I personally lose sight of eternity all the time. It is so easy to spend our resources on worldly comfort.
What resources do you have available to you? Time? Money? Attention? Hands that can serve? A mouth that can share? A heart that can listen? The ability to disciple and develop leaders? Knees on which you can kneel and utter prayers that impact eternity? A commute to work in which you can listen to heart-transforming podcasts?
For the first generation ever, we Christians can access virtually unlimited content through which we can, as Pastor Jonathan Pokluda says, “be personally discipled” by the great minds of contemporary (or historical) Christianity. Remember: these resources are not your own. You are not your own. You are a steward, accountable to the King (Matt. 25:14–30). You simply cannot afford to invest any of your resources in such a way that would result in anything less than the maximum eternal reward for your soul, the maximum eternal benefit for the souls of man, and the maximum glory to our great God.
When you stand before the throne in judgment, what do you want to hear God say to you? You must live a life of obedience and surrender that will garner the blessing you wish to hear on that day. You must live a life that will make sense on the day of judgment. Anything less will be a wasted opportunity.
Katie: In the message you sent to our singles minister, you said, “Eternity is on the line.” What does it practically mean to live with purpose and urgency in your everyday life (whether in your hometown or across the world), believing that eternity is at stake for those around you?
Nate:I want to share this hypothetical scenario: imagine that your life is over. You believed in Jesus, and your salvation was eternally secured. Then it happens: the clouds are rolled back like a scroll. The Son of Man descends from heaven, riding on the clouds. Believers from around the world are resurrected and gathered to meet Him in the air. And then, the end of the ages comes. It is now time for every human being who ever existed to take his stand before the Great White Throne for His final judgment.
It isn’t your turn yet, so you, still trembling with holy fear and joyful expectation, wait on the side. Soul after soul goes before the throne to receive eternal judgement. Then you see a figure move in front of the throne, but something is different. You recognize this figure. It is your coworker.
Fear seizes you because you recall instantly that you never shared Jesus with her. You knew she wasn’t a Christian, but you were always too worried that sharing the gospel would offend her or make the relationship awkward. You were afraid that your reputation in the office might plummet if you brought up “Jesus talk.”
After all her wicked deeds are recounted, King Jesus utters a sentence so horrifying that billions of listeners cry out in grief, but not a soul dares to protest or object to His perfectly righteous judgement. Your coworker begins wailing for fear and grief of the everlasting torment that awaits her. Then she looks over and identifies you out of the crowd. “You knew about this?” she asks. You don’t know what to say.
“You knew about this and you never told me anything about Christ?”
My sisters, wouldn’t you have wanted to share the good news? Wouldn’t you have wanted to take a risk? Wouldn’t you have wanted to share the only thing that can save people and deliver them to heaven, even if it cost you your reputation, or even your job?
The good news is that you can still share! You can still take this risk of love. You can still live in such a way that you can say with Paul, “I am innocent of the blood of all” (Acts 20:26). You can still receive a reward in heaven for this act of obedience—one that will prove to be an overwhelmingly profitable risk.
What does all this mean practically? I commend to you these quotes and advice from John Piper’s “Don’t Waste Your Life” sermon:1
- “Put Jesus on display as supremely valuable in your life.”
- “This treasuring of Him, which displays His worth, is most clearly seen by what you are willing gladly to risk and sacrifice for the surpassing value of more of Jesus. That treasuring becomes most vivid by how much you are willing to risk and sacrifice (if He calls) in order to have more of Him.”
- “If God raises up a generation that doesn’t waste their lives, then the Great Commission will come to pass. Because if you are not the generation—if this generation does not embrace suffering, does not embrace pain, does not embrace shame for the surpassing value and joy of knowing Jesus, you will simply be passed over, and God will get his work done another way.”
Katie: If you had the chance to go back on a Tuesday night and share one message with the single adults at our church, what would you want them to know?
Nate: Oh man. So many things come to mind. Luke 9:23–26 has always had a grip on my heart. Every time I read this passage, I shudder. There are so many ways that we try to “save our lives”—amassing as much wealth as possible, insisting on worldly pleasures, etc. This behavior would make sense if there was no afterlife and no God. But we will “lose our lives” if we live this way.
Ironically, Jesus’ advice to “save your life” is to “lose” it. Let go of this world. Let go of likes on Instagram. Let go of instant gratification. Let go of money. Let go of popularity and social reputation. Let go of “safety.” Live a life that some would call “foolishness” so that you may be considered wise by God.
Katie: Is there anything else the Lord has put on your heart to share?
Nate: John Piper has a book called Don’t Waste Your Life. It is really easy to do that—to waste your life. People might even applaud you along the way. It is actually possible to win the approval of man while wasting your life before God. But that won’t matter on judgment day.
You still have a chance to not waste your life. Offer yourself wholly to the Lord, investing in the expansion of His kingdom every day, and eternity will not disappoint you.
“Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay each one for what he has done.” (Revelation 22:12 ESV)
A Life That Cannot Be Wasted
In part one of this interview, I mentioned that the pseudonym “Nate” was inspired by Nate Saint, one of five missionaries who was martyred in Ecuador in the 1950s. Elisabeth Elliot, who documented their deaths, closed that particular volume of her journal with this quote, which she wrote on the final page:
“‘Yea, thro’ life, death, thro’
sorrow and thro’ sinning
He shall suffice me, for He hath suffered:
Christ is the end, for Christ
Was the beginning.
Christ the beginning, for the End is Christ.’”2
That final entry captures the depth of surrender and trust that defined Nate Saint, as well as Jim and Elisabeth Elliot’s lives. In life and in death, Jesus Christ was sufficient.
As this “Nate” reminds us, a life fully offered to Christ is what matters for this age and the next. He alone is worthy of your biggest sacrifices, your boldest risks, and your most delicate hopes. When you center your life on Him, when Jesus becomes your most precious pursuit, you step into a story far greater than your own, one that echoes into eternity.
So what would it look like if your life, your love, and your energy were poured out daily for the expansion of His kingdom? What opportunities, risks, and joys might you embrace if Jesus were the supreme treasure of your heart? A life lived this way isn’t measured by comfort, approval, or fleeting success—but by faithfulness, obedience, and devotion to the eternal God, the One who is worthy. And that life, lived wholly for Him, can never, ever be wasted.
1 John Piper, "Don't Waste Your Life," Desiring God, December 29, 2003, https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/dont-waste-your-life.
Ellen Vaughn, Becoming Elisabeth Elliot (Nashville: B&H, 2020), 164.
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