Envy: The Enemy of Rejoicing
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” If you’re like me, one of those commands from Romans 12:15 comes a little more naturally—and it's not the first one.
It’s not that I don’t want to rejoice with those who are rejoicing. In fact, sometimes it’s no problem at all, especially when their achievements belong to a category that I myself could not realistically achieve or have no interest in achieving. But when their rejoicing hits a little too close to home, I begin to struggle.
Maybe you know the feeling—the nauseating disappointment when someone else gets what you’ve been desperately hoping and working for; the cynical sizing up of those who have been given a seat at the table beside you; the quiet tears or even anger that so often follow after asking the Lord, “Why not me?”
Author Jerry Bridges explained it this way: “We tend to envy those with whom we most closely identify,” and “we tend to envy in them the areas we value most.”1 It’s not that you’re not happy for your friend, family member, or neighbor, but it’s that envy has choked out your ability to truly rejoice with them.
While I'd like to chalk my rejoicing problem up to being naturally competitive and perfectionistic, or even blame it on the hurt I’ve suffered in the past, the reality is that I can’t. Scripture commands us to rejoice with those who are rejoicing and condemns envy as sin—that means we cannot allow envy to fly under the radar in our hearts.
But what can we do about it?
Instructions from Paul
In Romans 12, Paul is giving believers in Rome rules for Christian ethics; in other words, he is telling them how their faith in Christ should practically shape their lives. He says,
Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another. . . . Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud; instead, associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own estimation. . . . If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:9–10, 15–16, 18)
This passage gives us a wonderful scaffolding to build on when we want to learn how to rejoice with those who are rejoicing.
Love One Another Rightly
Let’s start with verse nine. When it tells us to let love be without hypocrisy, our excuses for envy are shattered. Paul’s call here is for believers to love each other genuinely. Not halfheartedly or with platitudes, but sincerely. Later in verse ten he says to love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. This emanates the affection and warmth that should characterize how we regard one another.
My older sister and I have always been incredibly close. The Lord has blessed us with a relationship that is not the slightest bit competitive or tinged with jealousy. When one of us wins, both of us win—or at least that is how it feels because of the way that we love each other and cheer one another on. So it should also be with our sisters and brothers in Christ. When we are loving one another rightly, there is no room for envy or covetousness.
Detest Evil and Cling to Good
Paul also tells the Roman believers to detest evil and cling to what is good (v. 9). When someone around you is rejoicing and you feel the sting of envy in your heart, do you coddle the feeling? Do you justify it? Or do you stop to detest it? The truth remains that envy is “listed among the vile sins that Paul catalogues in Romans 1:29 and Galatians 5:21.”2 While harboring jealousy, resentment, and even unkindness might feel good in the moment, Christ calls us to a higher way.
Ask the Lord to help you detest your envy and call it what it is: sin. Then ask Him to help you fix your eyes and your thoughts on what is good. A great place to start is by reminding yourself of your unshakable identity that is rooted in Christ, not your achievements, and the joy and contentment that can be found only in Him (Phil. 4:11–13).
Take the Lead in Honoring One Another
In verse 10, Paul commands us to take the lead in honoring one another. This means counting others as more significant than yourself. When you are feeling envious and when you aren’t, ask the Lord to help you take an active role in serving others, supporting them, and praising Him for His goodness in their lives.3 When you are focused on serving others and being faithful where the Lord has placed you, it’s much harder for your heart to be gripped by covetousness.
Live in Harmony
In verses 16 and 18, Paul emphasizes the importance of harmony and living in peace with one another. When it comes to envy, there may not be an external conflict between individuals, but internally, envy can be the food that grows bitterness and resentment into outward dissension. As believers, we are called to be united in Christ, parts together of the same body serving the same Lord with the same goal of glorifying God. Divisions have no place in the body of Christ, and so we must carefully guard our hearts so that our envy does not disrupt the harmony we ought to have with the believers around us.
View Yourself Rightly and View God Rightly
In Romans 12:16, Paul tells believers not to be proud or wise in their own estimation. So often, feelings of envy or jealousy bubble up in our hearts because we view ourselves as more deserving than someone else. In light of this, it’s important that we remember the words of 1 Corinthians 4:7, “What do you have that you didn’t receive?” We must humbly remember our place—that you and I are not God.
We do not have control over the gifts, talents, or opportunities that we are given. That is God’s prerogative. It’s “jealousy [that] looks to criticize those who have achieved more or whose renown extends wider, [and] pride [that] devalues those whose capacities or accomplishments, in our estimation, don’t equal ours.”4 With the help of the Spirit, we must resist both of these sins, even when our hearts feel the sting of disappointment or the seeming injustice of being overlooked.
When envy wages its silent war, let this truth ground your heart: every good thing in your life has been given to you by the loving, sovereign hand of God. Every desire withheld from you has been withheld by the loving, sovereign hand of God. The Lord can be trusted both in what He gives and what He withholds—in your life and in the lives of others.
So the next time your friend gets the promotion, the positive pregnancy test, or the publisher’s praise, fix your eyes on our sovereign Lord . . . and rejoice.
1 Jerry Bridges, Respectable Sins (Colorado Springs, Colorado: Navpress Pub Group, 2017), 145.
2 Jerry Bridges, Respectable Sins, 147.
3 Katie Laitkep, “Significant Others: Living Selfless While Single,” Revive Our Hearts, September 4, 2025, https://www.reviveourhearts.com/blog/significant-others-living-selfless-while-single/.
4 Chediak, Alex. “Stewarding Our Talents.” Tabletalk, July 22, 2025. https://tabletalkmagazine.com/article/2025/08/stewarding-our-talents/.
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