Failing to Forgive
“How can he be so insensitive?!” I kept rewinding and playing back that question in my mind. After watching me deal with my dad’s health crisis for two weeks, how could my pastor ask me to help with a church function? He should’ve known better; my pastor is my husband.
After a heated, tearful exchange, Bill realized he had been relying on me as his partner in ministry, not pastoring me as an injured sheep. Bill had failed to be tenderhearted toward me. He confessed his sin, and I said, “I forgive you,” but the fact that I rehearsed the hurt and made him ask more than once revealed I had failed to forgive Bill. I needed to remember how God forgives me.
While God’s love is unconditional, His forgiveness is not. God prepared the way for forgiveness by paying our debt. But what if we don’t think we owe anything? Only sinners need Saviors. Only the guilty need forgiveness. The Apostle John, known by scholars as the Apostle of love, reminds us that forgiveness has a condition. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins.” (1 John 1:9) Forgiveness requires a confession of guilt. My husband had confessed his sin. So, what failed in this exchange? I hadn’t cleaned the slate.
I failed to forgive my husband when I chose to rehearse the hurt instead of keeping my promise to let it go. Ruminating on wrongs reveals a lack of forgiveness. That’s like the president holding a prisoner incarcerated after he promised to pardon him. Forgiveness promises to let go of the anger and hurt; forgiveness embraces the transgressor as innocent. When God forgives, He doesn’t forget. He chooses not to remember. That’s what he expects us to do for each other. Now, when a past transgression comes into my mind, I don’t stew in bitterness. I keep my promise not to bring it up again.
Bill and I have had to confess sin and grant forgiveness at various times in our 42 years of marriage. As a result, we still enjoy one another’s company.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Have you asked Jesus to forgive your sins?
2. What can we do to keep our promise not to hold another person’s sin against them?
3. Do you need to reconcile with anyone by confessing your sin against them or confronting their sin against you?
