Forever Memorialized — Grateful, yet Grieving
Since my husband died, I’ve connected with many new friends and some past friends. Debby and I met over 40 years ago while attending a small home fellowship group with our pastor. When she married her husband, I attended her wedding in 1986. Debby’s husband died in 2019. Later that year, we met up again in the women’s bathroom at our church.
Recently, Debby attended a special event honoring her husband and hundreds of others who died as a result of Agent Orange in the Vietnam War.
According to the website Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund, “Since the Vietnam War ended, thousands of Vietnam veterans have suffered due to Agent Orange exposure, PTSD and other illnesses as a result of their service. The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund (VVMF) believes all those who served in Vietnam should be honored and remembered for their service. The In Memory program enables the families and friends of those who came home and later died the opportunity to have them be forever memorialized.”
Last week Debby and I had coffee. I wanted to hear about her experience visiting Washington, D.C., where a ceremony was held to honor her husband. As she shared the story, it became clear this was powerful and meaningful. She said, “He protected me from his stories as a Navy medic.” However, knowing about her husband’s military life and his service gave her an additional piece of him she had never known.
After our conversation, I had two takeaways. First, we can discover more about our loved one even after they are gone. Last week, I was looking for a car title in a file drawer. Behind the file was a folder of notes my husband took from sermons and classes. There were copious notes and pages filled with references and Scriptures. It reminded me of how he loved to learn and grow.
The second take away I came home with while Debby and I shared was that you can grow to love your person even more though they are no longer living. Our love for our person will always be. Their absence doesn’t diminish our love but increases over time. Memorialization allows us to create an enduring connection, keeping them with us as we move forward in life.
Debby smiled while telling the story of laying the four white roses on the memorial for her husband (see photo above). She shared this experience with loved ones of other men who suffered the effects of Agent Orange during the Vietnam War. Out of such tragedy and pain comes a way to honor and remember those who suffered.
