Friend of God — Broken & Hopeful
Friendship is one of those things that can be the source of much frustration, and also much encouragement. I have had friends betray me and turn their back on our relationship, and it hurts. I also have friends who stick with me through thick and thin, who show up consistently and who make life more fun. I had to learn how to be a friend, and I’m so grateful for those who have helped teach me what that looks like.
What I’ve been meditating on recently, though, is how God is my friend. I have read those verses in the Bible many times, but I have never really considered what it means to have Him as a friend.
To me, God’s ultimate goal for us is to grow in relationship with Him. We can’t get more of Him, as Colossians 2:9-10 says, we have all of God in Christ, and all of Christ in us—so we have been made complete! But we can grow deeper in relationship with Him, just as we have some superficial friends (more like acquaintances) and we have some deeper friends. We can try to keep our relationship with God to a superficial level, or we can dive into relationship with Him. I would suggest the latter as He is always putting us in the best place to know Him. If I can see this as the goal of life rather than my comfort, I’m going to be a lot less frustrated with my circumstances.
So, how do we grow in relationship with Him? I’m not going to give you a list of quiet times and sacrifices. I do believe that we have individual relationships with God, so we aren’t necessarily going to grow in relationship the same way. Just like different personalities have different kinds of relationships with people, so we have different relationships with God. Thinkers want to read and spend lots of quiet time with God, and that’s great! But a doer will fall asleep trying to do the same thing. Feelers will want to worship and sing, and will feel connection there. But thinkers will just get embarrassed and wonder why there has to be so much emotion! So, I’ve made the list simple, and it is to be expressed according to how God has made your own personality.
1. Get to know Him. Talk to Him, look at who He says He is in the Bible, and look at what that means to you personally. No, that doesn’t mean you have to spend hours in the Scripture (unless you want to, of course!). In fact, at some of my darkest times, He has simply given me a couple of words about Himself—Good Shepherd, Light in darkness, Bread of life. I can ponder these as I go about my day, asking Him to reveal how He is those things to me.
2. Walk and talk together. Share your emotions, daily life, frustrations, victories. We often act as though God is gone, or only found in church or reading the Bible. When Jesus was on the earth, He participated in all sorts of very normal, mundane activities. Why don’t you try inviting Him into your meal, your laundry, your work? That’s what we do with friends. We invite them into our messy lives, without having to clean up the house first.
3. Learn to trust Him. This is a tough one. I do believe we have to have some sense of who He is before we can trust Him. I find it interesting that Abraham was called God’s friend. He definitely didn’t get every decision right, and he didn’t always trust God. Sometimes he tried to figure life out on his own. But he learned to trust God, even in the seemingly impossible.
4. Do what He commands. John 15:14 says that we are His friends when we do what He commands, and what He commands in that passage is that we love each other deeply! Love others with the love that flows over from His love for you. This isn’t a commission to do more out of your own strength—it’s even in the same chapter as the branch on the Vine teachings. As we are a branch on the Vine and recognize the Life of Christ filling us up and overflowing, it will naturally flow out to those around us. How beautiful is that? He equips us to do as He commands—no need to stress!
Now, what does He do as our friend? We often focus on what we need to do to maintain friendship with God, but we forget all He does to maintain relationship with us.
1. He shows up! Actually, He never leaves. He is present for all of it—mistakes, struggles, great times—He doesn’t leave. Yes, there is struggle and difficult circumstances, but that is not the same as His absence. We often equate suffering with God’s absence, don’t we? He must have abandoned us because we are suffering. But He is the Good Shepherd THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death, not around it. He doesn’t promise that will avoid suffering, but rather that He will be with us all the way through it.
2. He keeps taking us back. There is no limit to His forgiveness. Usually our issue is accepting it. Don’t allow something you’ve done to stand in the way of relationship with Him because you don’t want to face Him. Come to Him in humility, recognizing He has already forgiven you and taken away the stain of whatever screw-up it was. Accept the forgiveness, and move into deeper relationship.
3. He keeps putting us the best place for friendship with Him. John 17:3 says that eternal life is knowing Him! His goal isn’t comfort, and that’s where we get it wrong sometimes. I would really prefer comfort most days, but I know that’s not ultimately what prepares me to be His bride. It’s like choosing to go to boot camp for the military. No, it’s not fun, and frankly I’d imagine you would like to avoid it altogether. But it’s part of the preparation, and so you do it. Relationship is God’s goal, and often relationship is best developed in suffering together.
4. He is connected. Hebrews 4:14-16 and Psalm 32 are some of my favorite verses about this emotional connection. Listen to a few of the sweet comforts He brings—hiding place, wrap-around love, safe place, compassion, mercy, grace, ability to approach Him with boldness. In our affliction, He is afflicted. He is not absent or checked out in our pain, but stands with us. I know that for many of my good friends, I can’t take away the circumstances in which they are living, but I can stand with them. And yes, I would rather take it away. But there is something incredibly valuable in friendship that has withstood the test of hard things.
God already wants to be your friend, and counts you as one of His. The simplicity of it is accepting this friendship, and looking for ways to go deeper in relationship throughout the circumstances of life. In this way, nothing can derail that relationship—it can only build it deeper and stronger.
You show that you are my intimate friends when you obey all that I command you. I have never called you ‘servants’ because a master doesn’t confide in his servants, and servants don’t always understand what the master is doing. But I call you my most intimate and cherished friends, for I reveal to you everything that I’ve heard from my Father. John 15:14-15
