Hey, There Might Actually Be Something to This 'Loving Your Neighbor' Idea. Author Jada Edwards Explains
Love your neighbor. For most of us, that concept has been drilled into us from a very young age. It’s Biblical after all (see Matthew 22:39). Why then is it so hard to demonstrate simple acts of kindness like holding the door for a stranger, helping a co-worker who is struggling with a project, or providing a meal for someone in need?
New author Jada Edwards believes the reason might be due to our inability to clearly understand God’s love for us and discovering its divine power.
In her debut book, A New Way to Love Your Neighbor: Be Curious, Free, and Brave, Edwards unpacks the reasons why we so easily misunderstand God’s perspective toward loving others and how we naturally gravitate toward a more cultural approach … social indifference. It is her belief that with the right mindset and intentional action, we can actually love our neighbor as God intended.
I recently sat down with Edwards to discuss the obstacles that actually keep people from experiencing God fully, how we can model a love that heals and brings people together, and why forgiveness is the key to it all.
If you were trying to convince a friend to take the time to pick up a copy of A New Way to Love Your Neighbor and give it a read, what would you say to encourage them?
My sales pitch would probably be that loving people is sometimes easy, sometimes very difficult. But it starts with loving God first and that all the things we're trying to accomplish as Christians really start with the ability to love God with all of who we are. And so, going there, starting there, letting that be the foundation of who we are, and then seeing how it shows up in our relationships is what this book is about.
What are some common obstacles that keep people from fully experiencing God’s love, and how can they begin to break through those barriers?
I think a lot of those things are unique to the individual. We all have some common things that are just part of being humans. We have pride, insecurities and things like that. I love the end of Psalm 139 where David is inviting the Lord to search him. He's saying, “Search me. Show me. Reveal to me what's going on inside of me.” And it's not because the Lord doesn't already know everything about David. He's already established that earlier in the Psalm, but what he's saying is, show me myself, because there's things about me that I don't even know. And so, I think there's often very personal and unique things to us like the way we grew up, our personalities, or the way we're wired. Are we perfectionistic or are we unforgiving? And those kinds of things become really specific to who you are, which is why I think it's so important to invite God to search your own heart.
This is because if you're just trying to take the Bible or a good sermon and apply this truth like a band-aid to your life, and you're not doing the specific work that's unique to you, a lot of times we miss the mark because that same truth may apply in my life differently than it applies in yours based on where we're starting. And so, I think a lot of times we get in our own way because we haven't invited God to reveal ourselves to us. We just go in thinking that, well, I'm saved now. I love the Lord. All is neutral. Let me just start applying the Scripture. And that's just not the reality.
In your book, you write about 5 ways to transform any difficult relationship. Can you share one or two, perhaps one that might surprise us?
One of the ways that can really be transformative is to see people beyond your experience with them. Most of the time, the people that we think are difficult to love are because they're difficult for us. They may not be difficult for 10 other people. It's just whatever's going on in your personality and their personality, your working relationship, marriage, kids or friendship. There's people that just rub us the wrong way, but that doesn't mean they rub everybody the wrong way. And on top of that, I have been challenged to see people beyond the experience that I have with them and to see them as a part of their entire story. There's been times where people who might challenge me in some ways make it difficult to engage with, where I really believe that God has challenged me to say, hey, I need you to know that you don't know everything about this person just because you're having a tough relationship.
In a world filled with division, outrage and conflict, how can we model a love that truly heals and brings people together?
It just gets ingrained in who we are. That question can feel very heavy sometimes because it requires a couple of things. It requires an eternal perspective that says, I'm trying to point people to something beyond this life. And it requires a lot of humility. That means sometimes you're, you're not going to look like the hero. You might feel taken advantage of. And it's okay because we serve a God whose agape love made the first move. He says, ‘I'm going to send my son to Earth and to the Cross before you believe. I'm not doing it with a guarantee that you'll even accept it. I'm going to do all these things and just offer them to you. And then you get to decide whether or not you accept it. And that spirit of agape is very hard for us as humans, because we don't want to do all of these things, not without any assurance they are going to be accepted, reciprocated, or appreciated.
In your book, you highlight that boundaries have a place in loving relationships. What do Godly vs. worldly boundaries look like, and how do we set limits that honor both love and truth?
Worldly limits are typically self-centered. I'm setting a boundary because I don't like you, or I don't like what you do. This makes me not feel good. They're self-protective. I need to protect myself. So, I'm going to set a boundary. And a Godly boundary or Godly limit might, in some instances look the same, but it will have a different motivation. God, what do I do in order to honor you? In this friendship or in this relationship, God doesn't want us to be unsafe. He's not setting us up for danger and harm. But I found it fascinating when I've had friends who are maybe in a toxic relationship with a parent. And rather than say, I'm never going to call my mother or my father again, when they take it to the Lord, God may show them something different.
And He may say, ‘Hey, I want you to send a Father's Day card. You don't have to call him every day. And you don't have to accept his call.’ If your father has done some hurt to you that you haven't released yet, that's a whole different thing. But here's what I want you to do. And I've started to see people engage in relationships in different ways when it's led by God and they still are safe. This is because God protects us. But start slowly, and still be yourself even if that person never changes. Because a lot of times when we're setting boundaries that are not led by God, it changes who we are. Now I'm having to shut down a part of who I am in order to protect myself, as opposed to this freedom that says I might need to change my proximity to you, but I'm still going to love you the way God wants me to. I can still pray for you, even if I'm not talking to you every day. I can still cover you and ask God's best for you, even if you're not in my life. It's a very different dynamic. The behavior may look similar, but the heart motivation is different.
What role does forgiveness play in loving others well, and what’s one practical step someone struggling with forgiveness can take today?
Forgiveness plays a huge role. So much so, where Jesus is like, ‘Listen, if you are not forgiving, then my Father won't forgive you.’ Like it's hinging, it's definitive to who we are as Christians, that we have a spirit of ongoing forgiveness. I think that can look so different depending on what the issue is. A parent wound from your childhood is different from somebody not inviting you to a birthday dinner. They may still offend you, but it might be one where you are able to forgive in a couple of days and one may take years to do work on. And so, I think the first thing is really asking God, what's in your heart that you haven't forgiven? I think we can live with unforgiveness for only so long.
It just becomes a part of who we are and we don't even realize that it's affecting our worldview, our perspective, and our relationships. So the first thing is to ask God if there is anything in my heart that I really have just become comfortable with? It's a forgiveness, it's something I need to release. Sometimes it's a person who's not even living anymore, that you have to really go to God and release them. You need to release the hurt they've caused you. For me, it starts with God's insight into your own life. And He will begin to show you, this is the thing that you need to be working on. You've ignored this. And then there's a healthy process where you can begin to unpack what that impact has had on you and how you can take the forgiveness God has given you and begin to apply that to others. Simple, simple words, just love your neighbor like Jesus. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and love your neighbor.
After people have had a chance to read A New Way to Love Your Neighbor, what would you like your readers to take away from that experience? What is your greatest hope for the book?
I would like my readers to feel new gratitude for the illogical way that God has loved us. Here it is. It covers and keeps you safe and it protects you. It can be overwhelming thinking about how fully, completely, and perfectly God loves us. I don't want people to feel so overwhelmed that they don't feel like they can then replicate that in their own relationships. God knows we're not going to do it perfectly. His love is the foundation and the inspiration for how we then love others. We're going to fail. We'll make some mistakes. I want people to let that gratitude make them feel like I can do this differently and I don't have anything to lose because I'm so secure in God's love. Regardless of how people respond to me or how these relationships turn out, that I'm still in a really safe and in a perfect place with God.
TO PURCHASE A NEW WAY TO LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR:
Check Out 'The Jada Edwards Podcast':
