How Long a Married Couple Can Go Without Physical Intimacy? 9 Factors That Dictate - Olubunmi Mabel

I know there’s more to marriage than just sex, but hello, it’s still an important aspect of a healthy relationship.

Yes, respect, mutual love, friendship, communication, and all those things matter a lot too.

But physical intimacy is the glue that keeps the bond strong between a married couple.

It’s a way to connect and express love on a more intimate level.

I get that certain circumstances like medical conditions or busy schedules can affect the quality and quantity of sex in a marriage.

Sex is a physical expression of love and desire between two people, but what happens when married couples aren’t having as much sex as they used to?

How long can they go without getting intimate before it starts affecting their marriage?

Well, multiple factors come into play here, so let’s examine them more closely.

1. Age

Age sneaks up on all of us, doesn’t it?

They say age is just a number, but as we get older, age does affect our sexual drive and physical ability.

In our younger years, we’re often driven by higher energy levels and a booming libido.

It’s like our bodies are at their peak for physical intimacy, making it a central part of many relationships.

But as we age, a combo of factors, including hormonal changes, health issues, and shifting priorities, can turn the heat down a notch.

That’s why it seems that single people tend to have more sex than people who are licensed to do it whenever they want, aka married couples. lol

So, as we get older, our bodies naturally slow down, and so does our desire for sex.

What was once a daily occurrence in your 20s may turn into weekly or monthly sessions in your 50s.

That’s why I often tell my husband that we need to make the most of our younger years before things start slowing down.

Hahaha

For older couples, though, the frequency of sex might decrease compared to their younger selves, but that doesn’t mean the end of intimacy or love.

It just takes on a new form, one that’s built on deeper understanding, companionship, and, yes, finding those moments of closeness in new ways.

2. Stress

Marriage is beautiful, but married life, especially with kids, can be really stressful.

Between managing careers, finances, parenting, and household chores, there’s hardly any time left for sex.

Add in the stress of daily life and other external factors like a global pandemic or financial strain, and it’s no surprise that couples may not have as much sex as they used to.

Stress is that constant companion in our hectic lives.

It’s like this unwelcome guest that somehow manages to crash into the party of our daily routines, wreaking havoc where it can.

Stress can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion, and when stress levels are sky-high, the last thing many of us think about is getting intimate.

It’s as if our bodies and minds are in survival mode, pushing aside desires for closeness to deal with the immediate demands of life.

Not only that, but it can also cause tension between partners, and what follows?

Fights and arguments, dears!

And what follows?

Decrease in intimacy and sex.

So, it’s just all connected.

That’s why it’s beneficial for couples to prioritize their relationship by finding opportunities to destress without the kids.

Yes, we love our children, and they are a blessing, but if we are not careful, they can become a source of stress that takes away from our marriage.

So take the time to find ways to relax and connect with your spouse, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day.

Go on dates, go on weekend getaways, get a massage together—whatever it takes to destress and reconnect.

It will not only improve your overall well-being but also reignite the spark in your relationship.

My husband and I have been doing these recently and let me tell you, it has made a huge difference in our intimacy levels.

It goes without saying that couples who are always stressed can go longer without sex compared to couples who make an effort to destress and prioritize their physical connection.

3. Health Issues

As much as we’d like to deny it, our health plays an undeniable role in our sexual ability.

There’s a reason we say health is wealth.

Physical health issues, chronic illnesses, injuries, and even mental health can affect our desire and ability to have sex.

For example, hormonal imbalances or certain medications can lower a person’s sex drive, making it harder for them to engage in sexual activities.

Chronic illnesses like diabetes or heart disease can also make it difficult for people to participate in physical intimacy due to fatigue and other symptoms.

Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety can also impact someone’s desire for sex.

In fact, these health issues may not only affect the frequency of sex but also the quality.

For instance, someone with chronic pain may not be able to engage in certain sexual positions or activities without causing discomfort. 

So, couples who are battling health issues may have to go longer without sex compared to those who are physically and mentally healthy.

4. Overall Relationship Satisfaction

The overall satisfaction within your marriage plays a massive role in your sexual relationship because the quality of physical intimacy will always be a reflection of the emotional and mental connection you have with your partner.

If you’re going through a rough patch in your marriage, it’s likely that your sex life will also be affected.

Disagreements, unresolved issues, and lack of communication and connection can all contribute to a decline in physical intimacy.

Some may even completely lose interest in sex due to emotional dissatisfaction within the marriage.

It’s like a vicious cycle: dissatisfaction leads to more distance and disconnection, which then leads to less desire for sex.

But when you are truly happy with your spouse, you’re more likely to desire and engage in sex.

Every touch, every kiss is magnified, filled with love and affection.

And this can lead to more frequent and satisfying sexual experiences.

5. Past traumas

Past traumas usually influence how we view and engage in intimacy and sex.

It takes immense courage to face these shadows, and sometimes, the path to healing feels too steep.

Traumas, be they past abuses, deeply ingrained fears, or other life-altering experiences, can erect barriers between ourselves and our ability to fully trust and surrender to the moment of intimacy.

Couples who are dealing with past traumas may have to go longer without sex as they go through their healing journey, not because the desire isn’t there but because the emotional and psychological readiness is still a work in progress.

Sex isn’t just a physical act; it’s also a deep emotional and mental connection, and healing must occur in those areas before true intimacy can be achieved.

6. Financial stress

They say there is no romance without finance, and while that is not entirely true, financial stress can definitely put a damper on your sex life.

Money problems can add tension and strain to a marriage, especially when kids are involved.

These kids didn’t as to be born, so you’ve got to provide for them, but in doing so, it can take away from the time and energy needed to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with your partner.

When money is tight, worries about paying bills, saving for the future, and managing unexpected expenses can create a thick fog of anxiety that can be hard to shake off when it comes time for intimacy.

Trust me, anxiety and sex do not mix well.

In fact, some people jokingly say that a man who cannot provide for his family has no business having an erection. lol

Also, when there are money problems, couples may have to prioritize other necessities over date nights or romantic getaways.

This can lead to less time spent together and less opportunity for physical intimacy.

And let’s not forget the chief consequence: arguments and resentment.

Money issues can easily spill over into the bedroom, causing tension and frustration between partners and can cause them to go to bed angry instead of making love.

7. Work schedules

Unfortunately, some couples may have to go longer without sex due to their work schedules.

Shift workers, for example, may have opposite hours from their partners, making it challenging to find time for intimacy.

Exhaustion from long work hours, travel for business trips, and demanding jobs can also take a toll on one’s energy levels and desire for sex.

Tough, but that’s the reality of the modern world and many couples.

What about people who are married to military members who are deployed for months at a time?

Honestly, these people deserve our utmost respect!

8. Infidelity

Infidelity is that sneaky serpent in paradise that can cause irreparable damage to a couple’s sexual relationship.

It’s a tough topic, but we’ve got to talk about it because, unfortunately, it’s a reality for many couples.

It’s not just the physical act of cheating but also the emotional betrayal that can deeply wound a person and make it difficult for them to engage in physical intimacy with their partner.

Let’s even start with the fact that if a partner is getting their sexual needs fulfilled outside of the marriage, it automatically decreases the frequency of sex between the couple.

And if a partner is struggling with feelings of betrayal and hurt, it’ll lead to avoidance or disinterest in physical intimacy.

So, couples may have to go longer without sex as they work through the aftermath of infidelity and rebuild trust within their relationship.

9. Religious beliefs

I can’t end this post without touching on religious beliefs because they play a big part in how many of us view and approach sex in our marriages.

Depending on your faith or spiritual beliefs, there might be certain rules or guidelines about when it’s okay to get cozy and when it’s better to hit the pause button.

Some religions also have strict views on sexual activities and may discourage certain acts or practices.

So, couples who subscribe to certain religious beliefs may have to go longer without sex due to following these guidelines or avoiding potential guilt or punishment.

For couples who share the same religious beliefs, this may not be an issue.

That’s why it’s important to marry someone who shares similar values with you, so this won’t be a problem. 

As you can see, many factors can affect a couple’s sexual relationship, and it’s not always as simple as just being too busy or tired.

But the important thing is to communicate with your partner and work through whatever issues together.

Don’t let challenges completely derail your sex life.

Instead, use them as an opportunity to strengthen your connection and intimacy with each other. 

I’m rooting for you!