How to Stop Comparing Ourselves to Others—13 Brave Ways - Jeanne Takenaka
Contents
Show of hands: how many of us have gotten tripped up by comparing ourselves to others in our lives?
In 2019, I attended a writer’s conference. I arrived confident and excited to pitch my story to editors and agents. But in less than a day, I’d fallen into the trap of comparing myself to others. Why had I been writing for so long and seemed to have made no forward progress while friends who began writing after me were multi-published and moving on in their writing career?
Self-condemning thoughts colored my entire conference experience. Meaning my moods, my attitudes, and my words all reflected my struggle with believing my value as a writer.
I’m guessing I’m not the only one who’s succumbed to this defeating condition. In my last post, I shared some of the whys for comparing ourselves to others. I won’t repeat that here.
What happens when comparing ourselves to others
Comparison sneaks into our thoughts in many ways. If we’ve read much about social comparison theory, we know social media may be one of the most destructive devices for tripping us into the comparison trap. When we slide down the dark hole of viewing our “ugly” held up against the light of others’ beauty, we come out wounded.
How to Stop Comparing Ourselves to Others—13 Brave Ways—Comparison sneaks into our thoughts in many ways. #tellhisstory #comparison Click To Tweet
Negative emotions crop up in our thoughts and hearts when we compare ourselves with others.
Guilt
Remorse
Insecurity
Defeat
And more.
These thoughts and emotions can lead to anxiety and depression. If we open up space for these emotions in our lives and hearts, they color every aspect of our lives.
How we can stop comparing ourselves to others
How to Stop Comparing Ourselves to Others—13 Brave Ways—we must shift our mindsets. This only happens when we’re honest with God. This is humbling. #tellhisstory #comparison Click To Tweet
First, we must shift our mindsets. This only happens when we’re honest with God. This is humbling. We must:
- Admit our struggle to see our worth through His eyes.
- Ask God for help with seeing ourselves the way He does: through eyes of love.
- Determine what in our lives encourages us to compare ourselves negatively.
- Understand what our strengths are and thank God for them. Focus on these rather than on our weaknesses.
When comparing and belittling thoughts enter our minds, speak truth. This may mean deciding in advance which truth we’ll speak to counter those thoughts.
Sometimes comparison happens because of what we view on social media, television, and online.
Comparison also crops up when undealt with issues from our past frame how we perceive our present circumstances.
We need to ask God for His perspective, to heal us, and to speak truth into the areas of our lives where lies shout at us.
Actions to take to stop comparing ourselves to others
- Encourage safe friends to speak truth to us. And we need to listen and ask God to help us reframe inaccurate thoughts
- When our thoughts are comparing or belittling, remember this: don’t say anything to ourselves that we wouldn’t say to a friend.
- Be thankful for what we have. Instead of wishing some aspect of ourselves or our lives was different, thank God for what He’s given us.
- Choose contentment. When we catch ourselves comparing, stop and remember God made us with our unique strengths, traits, and personality for a reason. I’m going to “math” here: Comparison = dissatisfaction with who we were designed to be
- Be aware of our triggers and remove those from our lives
- Limit the time we spend on social media. Also, create an uplifting feed by removing accounts that tempt us to compare. Find accounts that point our thoughts in healthier directions.
- Instead of comparing ourselves to others, let’s compare ourselves to our past selves. See where we’ve come from, decide where we want to go (with God’s guidance), and determine how to get there.
- Celebrate others’ victories. Taking our eyes off of what we don’t have and focusing on others’ achievements steals comparison’s power in our thoughts and hearts.
- Remember, where we are right now isn’t the final chapter. God is still writing our story.
It takes time to transform our mindsets from comparing ourselves to others to where we see ourselves through God’s eyes. We must choose to give ourselves grace when comparison trips us up again. The best thing is God will help us conform our thoughts to His. He’ll give us the ability to see beyond comparison if we’ll ask for His help.
Conclusion
Looking back at that writing conference, I missed opportunities to step outside of myself and encourage others. Instead, I threw a pity party with comparison as the guest of honor. I was so wrapped up in my unhealthy thoughts that I couldn’t enjoy the conference. Yuck.
Let’s practice kindness with ourselves and others. When we do this, we emulate God’s love for all those He’s created.
What about you? When it comes to comparing ourselves to others, what has helped you stop? What tips would you add to this list?
Next week, we’ll link up at Donna’s at Serenity and Suffering. Be sure to bookmark this so you can find it easily. 😊
Come share your story at the Tell His Story linkup. Connect and be encouraged by like-minded friends! #tellhisstory #linkup Click To Tweet
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Come share your story at the Tell His Story linkup. Connect and be encouraged by like-minded friends! #tellhisstory #linkup Click To Tweet
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
Each week we gather here as storytellers, word weavers, and encouragers to make His name known. Our story is God’s story and this small corner of the blogging world, where we come together each Tuesday, needs you. This is a place where poetry, snapshots, prayers, and stories find a safe spot to nod in agreement that what we have to say matters. I am glad you are here and would love to have you join the #TellHisStory community. Add your own encouraging post through the link below. Spread some love by visiting your neighbor and leaving your own encouragement. Click here to read more about the #TellHisStory community and find a button to add to your site.
