Leftover Love — Grateful, yet Grieving
A week after Christmas, while I was in Target looking through the clearance aisle, I noticed the clerk was making room for the Valentine’s Day merchandise. Recently, I read that Americans spend 25 billion dollars on Valentine's Day. Cards, candy, and flowers are the number one gift items people purchase.
Valentine’s Day is like a giant splinter in your hand that can’t be ignored when you are grieving. It’s painful. Our loss is magnified by the focus on ways to express love.
In his book, “Seasons of Sorrow” by Tim Challies, he writes about the loss of his son and says, “...one of the great sorrows that come with the death of a loved one is being left with feelings that can no longer be acted on.” In our loss, we experience a space where we once gave love and received love.
It’s been said that grief is love with no place to go. I can’t help but wonder if we can create a place for our love even after our loved one is gone. Maybe it can be considered “leftover love.”
Last month, as I remembered the 7-year anniversary of my husband's death, I intentionally found a way to express my love. Together, my husband and I shared a fondness for coffee. Not just drinking it, but going to different coffee roasters, learning how the beans were picked and roasted and eventually put in the bag to take home to make coffee.
On that particular morning, I drove to our favorite coffee roaster, and ordered a favorite drink, remembering our visits of talking to the baristas and asking about the kinds of coffee available. I followed my coffee visit with a drive downtown to take a walk where we used to go and watch the ferry.
As I drove home, I remembered what my husband enjoyed: coffee and being near the water. What I discovered was my love for the things he loved. I love the places he loved. And I love the people he loved.
Keeping our love for our loved ones when they are no longer here is a process for each of us. We can take our “leftover love” as we find ways to give and receive love in the space they left. It becomes a living tribute to our loved ones as we continue on our journey.
