One way to be hospitable
By Elizabeth Prata
When we think of hospitality we usually think of the setting. And since it’s the woman who are responsible for the home, it usually falls on the woman to set the setting when people are coming over. Cleaning, arranging, setting out the things she’ll need. It is a mark of respect that the hostess makes sure the place she has asked people to enter is comfortable and aesthetically pleasing.
But true hospitality doesn’t really rest on the setting. It rests on the people, and one of the ways the hostess makes people feel comfortable is the conversation.
I envy people who can easily converse in a crowd. The art of conversation is one that, I believe, is a dying art.
Once we had a friend Mike, we called him Mikey. He was a huge man, 350 pounds, built like an aging football player, with an easy laugh. He lived next door and often, he would stop at our house on his way home. When we heard his truck we knew we were in for a few laughs and a good story. He was a true raconteur, regaling us loudly and always had us laughing in two minutes flat. Mikey was the kind of friend you were always glad to see coming. We were glad we were the kind of friends he felt comfortable stopping in to see.
Other people can converse on a more quiet and less showy way. My gal friend had a husky laugh and her eyes sparkled in delight when we talked. She didn’t say much, but her words were always insightful and full of love. Her style of conversation was more of the listening kind. She would listen with full attention, too. I’d storm in, say, “Guess what happened?!” and she would stop what she was doing, fold her hands across her Buddha belly, and look me full in the eye. She would laugh at all the right spots, and was entertained by the smallest incident. Often, she would add an insightful comment that left me pondering a new thought for the rest of the day.
True hospitality means we are focused on the people, and we do that by listening. Focus on them.
Emily Post was an etiquette queen. She wrote her first etiquette book in 1922, ‘Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home.’ It was an enormous best seller. She founded The Emily Post Institute, which continues her work to this day. There are many articles at her Institute regarding hostessing. And many of those revolved around “Good Conversation.” Making Small Talk. How to Be a Good Conversationalist: The Basics. And so on.
Italians’ style of conversation is steeped in storytelling. We call it ‘l’historia.” Even the simplest query from a friend, the smallest question designed for a short answer of “fine”, to the Italian, is met with excitement. Immediately we launch into a long, lyrical story that has a beginning, middle, end, and ranges from laughter to tears and back again. Watch out if you ask me how I’m doing! You are likely to get a long, and to me, absolutely fascinating story.
Remember the movie Moonstruck with Cher? A Brooklyn Italian-American family and their trials and triumphs? The brother-in-law character was named Raymond Cappomaggi and it was he who saw the large moon years before. Around the dinner table he was urged to repeat the legendary incident, with the family exhorting, ‘Come on, Ray, tell about Cosmo’s moon!” he responded apologetically, “Well, it’s not a story…but…”
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| Moonstruck |
Conversation knits people together because it creates ties, reveals vulnerabilities, shares experiences, and bonds people in His name for His name.
Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. (Hebrews 10:25)
There are many different styles of conversation. Be hospitable by being a good listener and a lover of people.
That is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine. (Romans 1:12)
Further Resources
