Our Generation's Fight for Intimacy & Vulnerability Part II - Intercession For A Generation Blog
6 Things You Can Do Now to Fulfill the Need for Intimacy & Vunerability
Single believers aren’t alone in the quest for genuine relationships where we can be vulnerable. Our generation at large is feeling the longing for connectivity. Believers, I believe feel the tug more often because we are so peculiar. It takes a bit more for us to connect intimately due to our Biblical value system. The wait, in turn, ends up being longer for a spouse in many cases and if we wait for a spouse to become vulnerable with someone; we can easily develop a fear of intimacy or vulnerability. It’s that vulnerability however that produces the greatest intimacy. When I say intimacy in this article, I am not talking about sex, but about a strong intimate connection and sense of belonging and acceptance.
Don’t wait until you are in a relationship to practice being vulnerable.
Being vulnerable can be scary especially if you’ve had a background of being rejected. I’ve learned to thank God for those situations of “rejection.” Simply because I trust God to orchestrate my life so that his perfect will will be done. That is what I desire, and therefore I’ve learned through tests and trials to trust God for that. Thus, what appears to be rejection, I don’t really look at as rejection anymore, but God’s leading and guiding.
Because of that foundation, I am not afraid to seek out godly friendships with both guys and girls. Having godly friendships now gives us a place to be vulnerable. This is something that we can currently practice while waiting to meet the right spouse. Being vulnerable with the right people will help you to get past the anxiety of vulnerability and to see the benefits of close connection that vulnerability provide. It will also help you to sharpen your communication skills. So many people get into relationships without knowing how to communicate and may even run from confronting important things and being vulnerable when necessary.
Don’t only practice vulnerability when it appears to make you look good
Don’t only practice vulnerability when it appears to make you look good, but be honest about your mistakes and feelings when necessary. Being vulnerable in the hard places births maturity and helps you to be vulnerable next time. Who knows, maybe you will discover grace in your friendship in a new way. This should bring you closer.
You will not be able to be open/vulnerable with everyone
Just like you will not be able to be intimate with everyone because vulnerability brings intimacy; you have to be careful who you decide to be vulnerable with. When seeking out godly friendships; we need to make sure that the friendships are trustworthy before being vulnerable. There is nothing worse than bearing your soul to someone who simply doesn’t care about you. This type of person would use it against you.
Only be vulnerable according to your personality and your peace
This involves knowing yourself. If you simply are an introvert and do not feel comfortable talking with strangers to attempt friendship; perhaps you may want to find another way to show yourself friendly. The Bible is clear: Those who have friends must show themselves friendly (Proverbs 18:24). You may need to work a little harder at stepping out and communicating with people you do not know, but until then practice smiling more and simply being friendly and enjoying life. Hopefully, your extension of friendship and friendliness will come out by accident. When it does; that’s a good thing because that’s really you. It’s the real us that draws other like minded people to us. Not a facade of what we think we should be.
Only be vulnerable according to your level of faith & trust in God
There is a scripture in the Bible that says whatsoever is not of faith is sin (Romans 14:23). If you are seeking godly friendships out of faith that God will lead you to the right one(s); it’s cool. If you are seeking godly friendships out of voids, neediness, and lack of trust in God, it’s sin. Sin is missing the mark. You set yourself up to fell this way.
One of the ways you can be sure you are operating out of faith is that during your seek, you aren’t ready to quit just because someone isn’t interested in you in any type of way. When you’ve entrusted your life and your future over to God; it’s cool if it works, and if it doesn’t because God’s got you. When you live in trust in God, you trust him to open the right doors and close the wrongs ones.
You can actually become thankful for the closed doors or those not interested. If you find that your faith is small in this area, you may need to take a step back and do a deep-dive with God asking him to cleanse and purify your heart while strengthening your faith with the Word of God. God may put you in a deliverance process when you bring this to him and it will be uncomfortable, but go with God’s flow so you can be free.
Stay in expectation of the right one(s)
Continue to extend friendship and walk in God’s joy and favor. This is a benefit of going from broken to whole. When God processes you; he teaches you how to have joy in all situations because your joy comes from Christ and the knowledge of him. Stay firmly rooted in your identity in Christ. You will not be able to have healthy relationships without it. It is staying firm in our identity in Christ that keeps us in expectation. We know we have an inheritance in Christ. Part of that inheritance is knowing that we are fully loved and accepted in Christ (Ephesians 1:5-6). This mindset keeps me going in expectation. God’s word says to be joyful in hope. We can be joyful in celebrating what we know already belongs to us in Christ Jesus. God will do exceeding abundantly above all we could ask or think
