Overcoming the Awkward Conversation

Regular readers of this blog know that I frequently get on my soapbox about the value and importance of having conversations and engaging with guests, loners, and anyone you don’t know well at church. Of course, I’m well aware of the reactions to that idea.

• “I’m an introvert. That’s just not something I can do.” (BTW, I am an introvert!)
• “It’s awkward because I don’t know what to say.”

Friends, let me put that to rest with three ways to kick off a conversation.

1. The first tip comes from John Maxwell. It’s called the 30-Second Rule:

“Within the first thirty seconds of a conversation, say something encouraging to the person.”

This doesn’t need to be flattery or a contrived compliment. Many times, I just let a person know how glad I am to see them. Such encouragement makes the person feel noticed and valued.

2. Keep the focus on the one with whom you’re talking, not on yourself. For me, the easiest way to do that is to ask about their week. This moves beyond the generic, “How are you?” (which almost always gets a reply of “Fine”).

• • “How was your week?”
  • “What’d you do interesting this week?

Their responses usually will bring to mind easy follow-up questions.  

3. Rebecca McLaughlin shared the following rules from her husband.

1. 1. An alone person in our gathering is an emergency.
   2. Friends can wait.
   3. Introduce a newcomer to someone else.

This is not to deem friends as unimportant, but too often we gravitate to our friends and never get around to the guests. Don’t neglect your friends but first stop and get acquainted with the new person.

Do you see the third tip? Bring a friend into the conversation with the new person. A three-way conversation can always feel less awkward. I’ve encouraged my own Bible study group to develop this mindset. We are surrounded by quiet or lonely people who would welcome a conversation with you and one of your friends.

I encourage you to give it a try this Sunday. Find that person you do not know or do not know well and make the leap into a conversation. You will be offering the encouragement someone else needs, and you’ll likely get some encouragement of your own.

Related posts:

• A Simple Conversation Could Make a Difference
• The Ache for Friendship
• The Silent Killer in the Church Pew: Loneliness
• Seeing Loneliness as an Opportunity

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