Practical advice for healing and finding peace - Divorce Minister
“…and the truth shall make you free.”
-John 8:32b, KJV
Two Practical Strategies for Peace*
When I was recovering from my divorce from my cheater, two particular strategies helped me the most.
1. Identify the “handles,” “triggers,” or otherwise unwanted labels/identities that you vehemently are trying to avoid.
An effective manipulator is able to hone in on these and use them to get you to do their bidding. For me, I struggled against the labels of “dead beat husband,” “emotionally abusive man,” and “bad Christian.”
My ex and her cohorts would take turns invoking one or the other identity to control me. Because I SO did not want to be associated with any of those labels, I open myself up to their judgment and orders. This was unhealthy for me.
Emotional health and peace was restored when I realized and treated these labels as the lies they were. This leads me to the next important strategy…
2. Learn to accept that your ex (and others) may never agree with you and that is okay.
It would be so nice if our cheater owned up to how their infidelity destroyed the marriage. However, that may never happen. They may forever blame you for the marriage’s demise based on their own twisted “excuses” for cheating.
You do not have to engage in the “life and death” struggle for agreement. It is up to you:
Know the truth and stand on it.
Some people–ex-spouses included–will always blame you for the divorce no matter what the actual facts are of its ending. You know why it ended.
Do not take the job of trying to reason with people who are unreasonable.
They can have their opinions on the matter, and you can have yours. Ultimately, their opinions do not matter when you are standing on the truth.
Your energies are better spent rebuilding your new awesome life than trying to please other people and control how they think of you. That is not your job, and you will be guaranteed misery if you choose to take or keep that mantle upon your shoulders.
Take it from someone who was there and has learned how blissfully peaceful it can be once one has put that burden down!
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*As a reminder, I am a pastor and not a licensed therapists. What is shared here is not therapy. Please find appropriate professional(s) for such need.
**A version of this post ran previously.
