You’re Not on the Same Track: Why Comparison Contorts Your True Identity - Bravester
The beauty we see on our screens is slick, photoshopped, and fading. It is synonymous with striving. Striving to be someone who someone will like. Or click like. So often contorting our true selves.
Unless you are copying the “tired girl” makeup trend which is using make-up to make you look tired. Tired girl makeup. (Thank you, Tik-tok?) Because now you have more “value” if you are faux-tired than overly curated.
Where are you getting your value from?
Maybe you are hiding you behind your achievements. Busyness is attractive because it does double duty. It feels like you’re making progress on the path you want, while at the same time distracting us from the parts of yourself you believe are unpleasant for us to see. Your achievements give you attention so you can hide who you believe you are.
For some people (maybe you?) achieving isn’t a choice—it’s the engine in your soul. Perfectionism feels like the penance you pay just for taking up space in any room. You don’t choose to always be achieving and you don’t do it to feel superior. You do it because, somewhere along the way, a switch flipped inside of you. Something broke. On a deep level, your identity got tangled up in achievement and you’ve been trying to fix it ever since. Every day you check things off the list, and it looks like productivity, but really it’s you trying to piece yourself back together, shard by shard, hoping the image will finally prove you belong.
What a crazy upside down world we are trying to figure out our identity in.
And what a broken you trying to figure out your identity. And I’m sorry that something awful happened in your life.
Our go-to method to trying to figure out our identity is comparison.
The problem with comparing ourselves to others to form our identity is that it keeps us chasing a moving target. There will always be someone who looks like they have it more together, who is prettier, smarter, more faithful, or more successful. When we use other people as our mirror, we end up with a distorted reflection every time. Comparison robs us of joy and leaves us hustling to prove that we belong. And the worst part? It convinces us that who God made us to be isn’t enough.
This truth is for you.
Someone else’s win is not your loss.
You are not running the same race.
You are not even on the same track. –Dr. Nicole Thaxton, email August 15, 2025
Who determines the track?
Not you. You have already chosen the wrong track by overlooking your natural giftings, by overlooking the unique way you are to bring beauty to the world.
Not others. They are so busy running their own race they don’t need you on their track. They don’t need to fear you passing them or you falling on your face. They do need you to cheer them on. They want you there.
So who’s left? How about the Creator of the track? Who is also the Creator of you who knows what beauty you can bring to the world.
Why do we look everywhere but at our Creator, this Larger Story God who just might know a bit more than you? I know this breaks down to trust issues. I recognize that. I recognize that so much that I wrote a Bible study to help you with those trust issues.
Your value isn’t defined by what you produce or how the world views you—it flows from who God says you are. God spoke those words to you first while you were in the womb. The Bible confirms this (Job 10:10-12, Psalm 51:6, Psalm 71:6, Psalm 139:13-16, Isaiah 49:1-5, Jeremiah 1:5.). That ache in your soul also confirms this. We are all born into this world looking to be found.
Make the brave decisions to find your track and run that race well.
Bonus: In that email from Dr. Nicole Thaxton, therapist and president of The Anxious Achievers Club, she gave us five tips to fight against comparision. I recommend signing up for her email newsletter. It is very Bravester.
5 Ways that I Practice Fighting Against Comparison
➜ Turn wins into inspiration, not judgment.
When you see someone’s success, ask: What does this show me about what’s possible? Instead of What does this say about me? Am I behind? What am I doing wrong?
➜ Zoom Out.
Most wins are a single chapter in a much longer story.
Remind yourself: I might be in the middle of my chapter or story.
So often we compare our beginning or middle to someone else’s chapter 5.
➜ Create your Worth List.
Write down 5 things that make you valuable that have nothing to do with productivity or status. Keep it where you can see it. Remind yourself of these things often.
➜ Set comparison boundaries online.
If a certain account or platform stirs anxiety, mute it for a week.
Better yet: unfollow!
Notice how your brain and body feel without that comparison.
➜ Practice micro-celebrations.
Celebrate your everyday wins. Finished a book? Sent that scary email? Celebrate small milestones along the way.
In that same email we were given these closing words. These are for you too:
“Your pace is not too slow.
Your lane is not too narrow.
You are not on anyone else’s journey but your own.
You are not behind.
You’re allowed to cheer for others and be on your own journey.” –Dr. Nicole Thaxton
