Restitution is a true sorry. - Divorce Minister
Meanwhile, Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, “I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!”
-Luke 19:8, NLT
Sorry is a beginning.
We can see this principle at work when it comes to some stores:
At one place I know, you can bring back some spoiled produce to the store. They then let your get a new carton of produce and refund you the money.
They understand this principle of restitution and a generous apology.
You can imagine how that helps repair an otherwise fractured relationship with that store. It makes me want to continue shopping and buying produce there. I know they will treat me well if I end up with bad product.
Cheaters and pastors can learn from this store:
The store does not blame me for picking the “wrong carton” with bad blueberries, for example. A “sorry (that stinks for you but that is as far as my sorry goes)” is not delivered. Instead, they apologize, refund my money, and send me back for a replacement.
A repentant cheater understands this. A wise pastor understands this. A prudent Christian counselor gets this.
A true sorry from a cheater needs to come with an effort to make up for what they took from their partner as far as possible. Zacchaeus restored it fourfold.
-I have heard of pastors who lost their jobs because their spouse cheated and abandoned them. The ex-wife ought to restore money that stole from them.
-I have heard of women whose husbands abandoned them cheating and leaving them as stay at home mothers with no income. The repentant cheater would put money behind their sorry for those mothers.
-I have heard of faithful spouses spending incredible amounts of money just to have reasonable time with their children. The repentant and truly sorry cheater would restore those funds and give them that time without a fight.
What discourages me about many Christian pastors is how often they teach faithful spouses to accept less than this. The shiny object of “intact” families distracts them from real repentance and this vital need for a genuine reconciliation.
Sorry is just a start.
A truly sorry person is like Zaccheaus who was willing to put into action restitution. He paid it back four times. The store paid it back twice. But I suspect most of us would be happy if our cheater even just paid it back once.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
