Right Standards VS. Personal Preferences

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The principle is the same for men and women. Whether a man or woman, it is very wise to choose a partner based on integrity. To all you beautiful single ladies, my message to you today is choose integrity! Always choose the right character in a man over personal preferences, such as:



Muscular physique

Any superficial traits


Bank account size

Prominent presence or status in a community or institution

Title, position, labels

Charisma or charm

Choose righteous character every day, all day, over personal preferences.

Is it wrong to have personal preferences? No. For example, there is nothing wrong with wanting someone that we are attracted to. In all honesty, appearance and chemistry matters.
However, preferences are very secondary to prioritizing character.

This is where some women get into a lot of trouble. Many desire a particular type of man for the wrong reasons. They make decisions out of poor judgment and are captivated by the wrong traits in a man.

The nice men exist, but are often overlooked and bypassed, because some women prefer the men who are no good for them, due to their own personal preferences.

In certain communities, some of the girls and women are captivated by the idea of a thug. Some women claim to want a man that is a Christian with a little bit of thug in him. What? Being a thug is not Christ-like. I have never seen “thug” listed in the Bible as a godly trait.

Other women are focused on wanting the “cool” guy (who is often a player), the rich guy, or the guy with a certain title or position. Many women place the desire for a man to be funny at the top of their desireable traits list.

What if he is funny while also being maniacal? While being funny can be a bonus, what about him having the right character? Shouldn’t that be priority?

Too many ladies and girls are being taught preferences through vile and deceptive music, movies, storybooks, and peer pressure.

They don’t know how to choose a decent man. Too many have been conditioned through messages that come from society, which tell them a man should look or act a certain way.

It’s all right to desire a man who looks a certain way, and to desire a man who is doing reasonably well, financially. Other personal preferences are OK as well. They aren’t necessarily wrong.

 It is important to examine our own motives when it comes to what we desire. As a Christian, I pray and ask God to align my heart and mind with His and make the desires of my heart the desires that He has for me.

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.”

– Psalms 37: 4-5.

The motive behind something is always key. Why do we desire a particular type of man? What is the motive behind any of our desires? Are the desires pure?

In addition, can we offer to the man on the same level at least, what we desire from him? If our motives are not pure, it will surely backfire. Even with pure motives, personal preferences that are superficial should definitely be placed secondary in priority.

It is important to remember that no one is perfect. Patience, showing grace, and having a realistic perspective will help us as we vet someone, because people are a work in progress.

If we are a Christian woman, we must pray for guidance about our situation, our man should be a believer/follower of Jesus Christ, and God-fearing.

For any woman, these are additional desirable and necessary characteristics for her man to have:

Selfless – Matthew 23:11.

Wisdom – James 1: 5; James 3: 17; uses good judgment in decision making.

Loyal/faithful- Hebrews 10: 23; 1 Corinthians 7: 4-5.

Loving- Colossians 3: 19; John 13: 35.

Gentle- Proverbs 16: 32.

Peaceful temperament-James 1:20. A strong man is a gentleman. He knows there is a time for battle and for being hard, but he knows he should be gentle with his woman and kind to others, in general.

Ambitious- 1 Thessalonians 4: 11.

Provider- 1 Timothy 5: 8.

Protector- 1 Peter 5: 8; Exodus 22: 2-3.

Humble- Proverbs 11: 12.

Takes initiative- James 4: 17.

Most of these characteristics are characteristics a woman should have as well. I say most, because the characteristics are applicable according to God’s design, when it comes to a husband and wife. This is found in Ephesians 5: 22- 33.