The Chokehold of Control — Ami Loper

Learning to Let Go

Maybe you’re one of those super flexible people. Maybe you don’t care when life seems to be going the opposite direction of your plans (maybe you didn’t even have any plans)! Maybe you rather enjoy the curveballs life throws.

I don’t.

I will say, I have gotten much, much better at rolling with it – just ask the Hubs. He’ll back me up.

But it has been a process. Relinquishing control is hard for some of us. Trusting is hard for some of us.

I began learning of the destructiveness of my need for control about 35 years ago. I was barely into my teen years when it was communicated that the life I’d envisioned was not the life I should expect. At this point I decided that control was my answer. Afterall, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself, right?

Wrong.

My attempts at controlling my life led to a life out of control. In fact, the destruction I caused is still rippling through my life and the lives dearest to me.

After my attempts at control imploded my life and led to pain for the most important person in my life 33 years ago, I slowly began handing back control to the only One who could ever be trusted with control: God.

It was a journey that wasn’t without setbacks, white knuckle fear and attempts to regrasp the control I’d promised to give only to the Lord. There were lapses and times I thought I’d handed the reins to God, only to look down and discover them once again in my hands. There were levels of control I didn’t know existed when I began this journey.

The last few decades have been a jumbled, detour-laden journey of learning to trust my Abba with the controls of my life. In fact, 2020 felt like the final exam in this area, as you may be able to relate! When everything has truly been out of control, when the world seems to be hurtling toward insanity and a total break with logic, it can either be the hardest time to trust or we can make it the time when we finally learn the lesson for good.

All our attempts at control were merely attempts to grasp an illusion, for none of us is truly in control, no matter how much we would like to think we are. None of us have all our ducks in a row, no matter what our Insta feed may project. Control should be something we can readily let go of, since control is nothing more than an illusion.

When the Hubs and I traveled to India six years ago, we quickly learned the futility of stressing over things we could not control. From the back seat of cabs and tuk-tuks, we saw our lives flash before our eyes each time we ventured into the congested streets of Delhi. Whipping around in the most insane traffic where pavement markings mean absolutely nothing and the rule of the road is to succeed by reckless daring, what at first brought breath-holding and gasps, soon became laughable shock. We were at the mercy of every driver on the streets in what felt like an endless game of “Chicken.” … And we laughed!

We had no control. And we had no choice but trust. It was a valuable (and slightly terrifying) life lesson.

I’m not saying I’m now flying by the seat of my pants, planless and clueless. The Lord designed me to love organization, planning, goal setting and determination.

But now all of it has to submit to His will and plan for me. All of it must be held with an open hand, willing to have it reclaimed or reshaped or retimed.

Can we let go of our grip just a bit? I know it’s hard. I know it’s scary. But, my dear, sweet Friend, God’s got this. He really does.

“No wisdom, no understanding, no counsel can avail against Yahweh. The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to Yahweh.” Proverbs 21:30-31

Make sure you access the Free Resource of Printable Scripture Cards: “Knowing Your Abba’s Heart for You When You’re Hurting”! Click HERE!

And to read more about giving the reins of control to the Lord, read the blog post, “In a Ditch” by clicking HERE!