The Fog of War — Ami Loper

Fighting for Clarity Amid Spiritual Attack

I stood perfectly still, as if any physical movement would halt the gears of my mind from engaging. My thumb ran over and over the four keys in my hand. I knew the one that belonged to my house. I knew two of the remaining three belonged to my mother’s house and to my in-law’s house though I was hazy about which was which, but the last key? Where had this key come from?

Sometimes the brain fog was as intense as starting a sentence and then forgetting what my point was. Sometimes it was vaguer, like not being able to remember what lock these keys would open.

My mind visually ran a scan of the locks in my home, the homes of loved ones. Had someone entrusted a key to me, and I had forgotten?

Last year was an intense year of wandering in and out of brain fog for me. Due to illness that was unrelenting, my mind would often know what I intended to do or say, but something would get lost in translation, some things would fall through the cracks in my mind that, in the moment, were beginning to look like irreparable chasms.

It’s better this year, as the Lord begins to heal and restore all that last year stole. But the lost child feeling of 2019 reminds me of another time I predictably feel a fog roll in: on the battlefield.

I’m not speaking of a tangible battlefield, but the battlefield of my heart and mind when the enemy hurls his flaming arrows and the fog of war has me reeling. It all feels so personal. I can’t tell the nature of the weapon and I don’t remember the antidote. All I know is the pain. I forget that it isn’t friendly fire, that I’m not battling flesh and blood, but that my enemy has just used the deadly combination of someone’s brokenness and the chinks in my own armor to thrust his arrow deep into the most painful places.

That’s when the fog is the most dangerous: when it keeps me from acting quickly to extinguish the flames with which the enemy has lit his arrows. When I allow them to smolder and simmer in me instead of applying the antidote and shutting the attack down, the potential result is additional damage to myself and others.

Much like brain fog, the fog of war settles in at the worst possible times. And while brain fog is horrifyingly embarrassing in the middle of a conversation with a boss or that snooty relative, the fog of war is downright deadly. The fog of war often comes when we are most vulnerable: when we are over-tired, when we are concerned over too many things at once, when we just cannot face one more thing going wrong in our lives.

As I said, when the arrows start flying, it often feels so deeply personal. Instead, I need to recognize that it is deeply tactical on the enemy’s part. And while there is danger in giving the enemy too much credit, there is also danger in giving him too little responsibility – both for what happens and for our kneejerk reactions.

And if we can’t discern who is behind the arrow or our reactions, it makes it awfully challenging to know how to fight back. Taking the time, while the arrows are flying furiously, to evaluate our hearts, to be self-aware enough to not react out of our pain and fear, to devise a plan of action to counterattack, is challenging. It takes getting our reeling hearts and minds to quiet down enough to press in to hear the voice of the Lord.

When we press in, He gifts us with His perspective, with the ability to discern the exact nature of the tactic the enemy is using (thereby giving us the antidote to the tactic), with the peace that overrides our screaming emotions.

If you’re feeling the pain of one of the enemy’s arrows, it’s time to press in and get your counterattack plan from the Lord. He equips us for battle, and He fights on our behalf!

Once you’ve identified the nature of the enemy’s tactic, get Scriptures and declarations to fight back using truth to counteract his lies. If you need help in this area, make sure you check out my personal arsenal for fighting the arrows of rejection, fear, deep pain and grief (knowing your Abba’s great compassion), loneliness and for knowing God’s love for you in my RESOURCES section.

“Blessed be Yahweh, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle” Psalm 144:1

For “3 Essentials of Self Defense,” click HERE!