The Toughest Test of Endurance
Imagine going for a two-and-a-half mile swim and then biking over one hundred miles and then running a full marathon. Though just picturing such a feat of endurance makes me want to take a nap, Ironman triathletes actually do all of this in one day—and apparently enjoy it!
Maybe you watched the Olympics and enjoyed seeing the athletes rise to the challenge of their respective sport. Or maybe you enjoy reading books, such as Unbroken or Boys in the Boat, that tell about the endurance of the human spirit in the face of great adversity.
While I don’t want to detract from the accomplishments and grit of these individuals, I want to ponder a less flashy, and nearly as rare, form of endurance that probably won’t make ESPN or the New York Times Bestseller List: forbearance.We are called to endure other people—to hang in there and patiently stay under the pressure that the people in our lives apply to our comfort and patience.
Showing Forgiveness
The New Testament actually gives us the insight necessary to delve into this topic and come out with an idea of what enduring with other people, our brothers and sisters in Christ specifically, looks like. For starters, Paul tells us this in Colossians:
Therefore, as God's chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. (Colossians 3:12–13)
The word for “bearing with” literally means to “forbear” or to “sustain or endure.”1 These two short verses also help us tease out what this looks like at street level. The first marker of this type of forbearance is forgiveness. The truth is, the sins of others are going to “splash” on you at some point. And the closer your relationship to that person, the more your sin will splash on them and vice-versa. Sometimes this sin-splash will result from outright sins against you: outbursts of anger, disparaging words, envy, or bitterness. Other times, you might just be in the way of their sin and reap collateral damage. Either way, to endure well, you must willingly forgive.
As a basketball coach, I tell my team to try to make new mistakes—to learn from the past and not make the same mistake repeatedly. “There are jillions to make,” I tell them. “Try a new one!” But sometimes the old mistakes—the same old sins—come too easily and we get sinned against in the same way time after time. As Jesus told Peter, we must be willing to forgive over and over and over and over again—until you lose count (Matt. 18:21–22). It’s hard. It stinks. It hurts. But are you willing to do it anyway?
Letting Go of a Grievance
Frank Costanza of Seinfeld famously created his own December holiday known as “Festivus.” One aspect of this ignoble celebration was the “airing of grievances,” which is exactly what it sounds like. No wonder George didn’t want much to do with his parents. Who wants to hear everything that a person has been holding against you all year? While I doubt that any but the most devout Seinfeld fans celebrate Festivus in any meaningful way, we all are certainly guilty of holding on to complaints and then unloading them when the time seems right.
Paul tells the Colossians, however, that putting on the character of Christ involves letting go of grievances against other people. Let’s not lie—sometimes people are the worst. And they don’t even realize it! They do stuff that just plain gets under your skin. They scrape their fork on their plate or slurp their ice cream too loudly; they don’t fold their clothes when putting them back in the drawer or ask too many questions during a movie. None of these things is exactly an offense requiring forgiveness. They aren’t instances of “sin splash” but merely humans being humans.
In Ephesians, Paul tells his readers to “show tolerance” for one another in love (4:2 NASB95). That’s what we must do to endure with one another—we must learn to let the grievances go. Don’t keep a list; just look the other way and appreciate God’s creativity in making us each so different.
Giving Struggling People What They Need
This summer I found myself requiring an MRI and, about a week later, an outpatient surgery. For both procedures, I had the privilege of donning a hospital gown perfectly tailored for a hippopotamus. While I realize the practical reason for having gowns that can “fit” everyone, I still found myself chuckling at the absurd hugeness of the garments that I was given to wear. One size may work for all, but one size most definitely does not “fit” all.
The same is true for people. The way I ought to interact with one struggling person is not the same way that I should interact with another. Paul puts it this way:
And we exhort you, brothers and sisters: warn those who are idle, comfort the discouraged, help the weak, be patient with everyone. (1Thessalonian 5:14)
The idle, the discouraged, and the weak all require different relational techniques. We should not sternly warn someone who is discouraged and thinking about dropping out of the race. Neither should we help the idle, the lazy person who needs a firmer hand.
Part of enduring with people and showing them the patience that everyone requires is getting to know the person and feeling out what type of talk would help in the present situation. Is she discouraged? Is he being idle? Is she feeling weak? Answering these questions may take time, active listening, and a whole lot of patience. But it’s how we endure well with one another.
Keeping the Gospel in Focus
While I hope that you have been encouraged and even challenged by these thoughts, I have to make a confession. I didn’t write this for you. I wrote it for me. I’ve seen my own patience growing far too thin with those around me, and I knew I needed to meditate on “bearing with” others. For me, that meant time at my keyboard.
Whenever I write on a topic like this, I have to remind myself that change isn’t a matter of just flipping a switch. Yes, I’ve given some ideas of what patient forbearance looks like. But none of us can just decide to lace up our boots a little tighter, roll up our sleeves a little higher and “get ’er done.” It just doesn’t work like that.
Patient endurance comes only through the work of the gospel.
Take one more look at Colossians 3:12-13:
Therefore, as God's chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. (Colossians 3:12–13)
The fuel for forbearance is not grit, elbow grease, willpower, or gumption. It’s the gospel. I can have Christlike compassion on my children only as I remember the compassion of the Savior as He hung on the cross for my sins. I can forgive repeatedly only because I have drunk of forgiveness from the fount of Calvary. I can let go of my complaints because God chose not to hold my weaknesses and foibles against me. Instead, He willingly gave His only Son to take on flesh as a servant and become obedient to the point of death on a cross.
It’s the gospel that took my impatient heart of stone and replaced it with a Spirit-indwelt heart of flesh tattooed with the Word itself. This is our only hope for change.
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1 “G430 - Anechō - Strong’s Greek Lexicon (CSB),” Blue Letter Bible, accessed September 26, 2024, https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g430/csb/mgnt/0-1/.
