These 9 Mistakes Will Destroy Your MARRIAGE - Olubunmi Mabel

According to statistics, almost 50 percent of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation.

Now, it is easy to see this as just numbers and believe that you will never be one of them. 

The problem is that this is not enough to keep a marriage. 

I also wish that one could keep their marriage simply by wishing it. 

If it were that easy, the above statistics wouldn’t exist. 

So, it takes more than that. 

To have a long and lasting marriage, you have to know how to keep your home. 

You must also know the mistakes to avoid because they can potentially destroy your marriage. 

In this post, I highlight nine mistakes you must avoid to keep your marriage strong, healthy, and lasting. 

9 Mistakes That Will Destroy Your Marriage

1. Lack of Communication

The truth is, some of the things that make things work in different areas of life usually sound overused. 

So, it becomes like a repetition of concepts that we probably shouldn’t have to mention anymore. 

The only problem is that these clichés could be the one thing that could save your marriage. 

For instance, when someone talks about what keeps a marriage and mentions that “Communication is key,” you might roll your eyes and tell them to say something new. 

But if lack of communication weren’t an issue in many marriages, it wouldn’t need to be repeated. 

No relationship can survive without communication. 

In the first place, it is communication that breeds closeness. 

If you don’t talk to someone for a while, you will soon drift apart; there is no magic about it. 

So, a couple that’s not talking daily – even about the most inane thing – will soon lose their intimacy. 

You must be best friends with your partner, and communication ensures that. 

On the other hand, communication prevents misunderstanding, which can pile up and destroy a marriage. 

Lack of communication makes it easy to push things under the rug, pile up issues that shouldn’t matter, and argue over things that could have been cleared up with a simple conversation. 

For instance, say you got busy at work because of a new project and need to work overtime with your hot co-worker. 

Communicating that to your spouse will make them rest easy. 

When they see you with that co-worker, they won’t immediately think the worst because they know why you are working late together. 

Another common issue with lack of communication is when people push things under the rug that should be addressed.

Now, you can choose your battles and let things go – that’s also necessary in marriage – but you shouldn’t leave things unresolved and expect them to disappear. 

They won’t; they lurk somewhere in your heart, building resentment against your spouse. 

Instead, when something bothers you, and you know you cannot forget it, talk about it. 

Let your spouse know where you have issues, and instead of concluding and not resolving them, give them a chance to explain and even apologize for them if necessary. 

Always air anything that bothers you, no matter how little. 

However, try not to do so by constantly criticizing your partner; that can also cause problems, but more on that later. 

2. Lack of Commitment

The law firm that compiled the statistics above also mentioned a survey that collated the most common reasons for divorce. 

Top on the list is lack of commitment. 

This amazed me because one would think that once someone crosses that marriage threshold, they are ready to commit. 

Apparently not! 

People are getting into marriages and not committing to the union, leading to a breakdown. 

Even without this stat, it goes without saying that a lack of commitment can seriously wreck a marriage because, at its core, marriage is about two people choosing to stick together through thick and thin. 

When one or both partners aren’t fully committed, it creates instability.

Imagine constantly feeling like your partner could leave or give up when things get tough; that will make you insecure. 

And once one partner is filled with doubt or insecurity, they will also withdraw commitment, destroying what’s left of the marriage. 

In case you are wondering what a lack of commitment is, it is simply not making the required effort to keep the marriage. 

Neglecting your partner, not doing what you can to make them happy, and being uninterested in fighting healthily shows that you are not committed to the marriage.  

It communicates that you could care less whether the marriage works or not.  

Over time, this can make the other person feel unimportant or like they’re carrying the weight of the marriage alone, weakening your bond and eventually destroying the marriage. 

3. Infidelity

If you ask any random person out there what the primary thing that destroys marriage is, they are likely to say infidelity. 

This is because when someone steps out on their partner, it shatters their partner’s trust, and that’s not easy to rebuild. 

Even without infidelity, trust is not the easiest thing to build. 

It takes time for someone to give their all to another, and breaking it by sharing themselves with another can hurt deeply. 

So, if you want to keep your marriage and not leave your spouse with deep scars that might never fully heal, being honest and faithful is the way to go. 

If there’s something your partner is missing that is making you consider having an affair, speak to them about it. 

A good partner will adjust to make you happy. 

Don’t be ashamed to communicate your need, even if it’s a sexual need, instead of cheating on your partner.

4. Lack of Financial Transparency

Money makes the world go around, and it can also cause problems in a marriage. 

When one or both parties are not transparent about their finances, it can lead to mistrust and resentment. 

Remember that two have become one in marriage, so the concept of wanting to hide financial matters is likely to bite you in the behind. 

You must be upfront about money and discuss financial matters as a team, not opponents. 

Of course, this doesn’t mean you must have a joint account, but you both need to know what’s going on financially so no one is blindsided. 

Don’t hide debt or stash funds secretly, as that can make your partner feel betrayed when they find out. 

Air everything out so you both know what you are working with financially to build the family of your dreams. 

5. Dishonesty

One of the biggest mistakes that you can make in marriage is dishonesty. 

The thing about truth is that it cannot be hidden forever.

One day, it will come out. 

So, you will be wasting time thinking you are deceiving your partner by lying to them. 

I always say hurt me with the truth rather than protect me with lies, and I do because many people feel that lying to you is a way of protecting you from the truth. 

Of course, wisdom is involved in how you deliver truth, but don’t keep it hidden because it breaks trust when it comes out. 

And as already established, when trust is broken, it is difficult to repair. 

Make sure you tell your partner everything they need to know – big or small, including infidelity, a child outside, financial matters, etc. 

Don’t let lies create a crack in the foundation of the relationship. 

Telling your partner the truth will reduce the damage when it comes out in public; they’ll be able to handle it better. 

6. Lack of Intimacy 

When people hear intimacy, they immediately think of physical intimacy, but it is both physical and emotional, and both are essential for maintaining a solid connection.

Lack of intimacy can quietly destroy your marriage because it creates emotional and physical distance between you. 

Let’s take them one after the other. 

For emotional intimacy, you must ensure you don’t lose closeness, affection, and connection. 

Your partner must be your best friend to talk to about anything and everything. 

You should also make sure you don’t lose your affection; constantly touch each other randomly without sexual expectations. 

Let your partner feel like your romantic partner, not your roommate. 

And that leads me to physical intimacy. 

Although your marriage shouldn’t be only based on sex, it is also necessary that you don’t lose that aspect of your home. 

Life does get busy, making many couples neglect that aspect of their marriage. 

But if you cannot do it spontaneously, you might need to schedule it intentionally. 

Some people might think scheduling sex removes from the romance, but it doesn’t have to be so. 

See it as something to look forward to every Wednesday, where you both groom and wait with bated breath, rather than something you must do as an activity of the day. 

And, of course, that doesn’t have to be the only time you do it; you can also go for spontaneous sex when the situation calls for it. 

7. Constant Criticism

Earlier, I mentioned not sweeping things under the rug and always fixing issues that bother you. 

But I also added a caveat: you must be careful not to criticize your partner for everything, as that can break your marriage. 

When one partner constantly nitpicks or points out the other’s flaws, it slowly damages the other person’s self-esteem. 

Instead of feeling loved and supported, they start feeling like they’re never good enough, no matter what they do, and that’s not something you want. 

First, you should have only married someone whose flaws you can handle forever. 

This way, you can overlook some things that are not that serious. 

You cannot afford to have an issue over everything your partner does wrong. 

You will shout yourself hoarse, and frustrate your partner. 

So, if you are struggling, try to find something positive about them that you can hold on to to help you avoid the trap of constantly criticizing them. 

Additionally, when they do something well, appreciate and encourage them so that they can take it well when you bring up something else that they don’t do well. 

8. Disrespect

Marriage thrives on mutual respect.

The home environment becomes toxic when partners belittle, insult, or dismiss each other. 

Couples shouldn’t be throwing rude comments or insults when they can sit like adults to discuss their issues. 

Don’t be dismissive of your partner even when you don’t understand them; speak to them to understand their perspective. 

And you shouldn’t let others disrespect your partner. 

This can come up based on how you speak about them to others. 

If you don’t speak about them with respect, others are likely not to respect them. 

You must accord your partner honor and respect, or you risk losing your marriage because the disrespected partner will soon start feeling less important, which can lead to resentment. 

I would also like to emphasize that respect is mutual; you cannot afford to believe your wife doesn’t need respect because she is a woman.

That’s a false perspective you shouldn’t bring to your home; both men and women want and deserve to be respected. 

9. Abuse 

Last but definitely not least, abuse is a big marriage-destroyer. 

You should never let your marriage get to the point where abuse is used in lieu of good-old communication. 

Don’t use violence or abusive words to show displeasure when you can talk things through. 

Physical abuse is perhaps the most obvious, as it leaves visible scars and pain, but emotional abuse is just as harmful. 

Abuse tears a person’s self-worth and confidence, making them feel trapped, isolated, and powerless. 

Over time, the abused partner may suffer long-term psychological damage such as anxiety, depression, or trauma.

No marriage can survive that because marriage needs an environment of love and affection to thrive. 

This blog post cannot contain everything that destroys marriages, but these nine negative behaviors will surely ruin even the strongest bond.