Tired of Being Weary Part 3 – Emotional Rest - Lisa E Betz

Do you feel anxious and weary? Filled with self-doubts? Depressed? Angry? Do you beat yourself up for every little thing? Or take your frustrations out on your loved ones? Do you feel alone, or struggle to maintain close relationships? All these symptoms indicate that you may need more emotional rest. They are signs your emotions and relationship needs have become depleted and need some R & R.

I don’t mean Rest and Recreation. In this series of posts, R & R stands for RELEASE and RESTORE. Because to give our emotions the rest they need, we must be intentional about releasing or reducing the things or habits that deplete us, and intentional about restoring or reviving what has been depleted.

We expend emotional energy with every angry outburst, anxious thought, conflict, or regret. We also expend emotional energy dealing with the feelings of others who surround us, including those in our virtual spaces. Both social media rants and heartfelt pleas to donate to a cause take their emotional toll. And keeping it all together or hiding our emotions can be a major drain on our emotional energy.

Humans are emotional beings, but we get into trouble when we neglect to recharge our emotions and just keep making withdrawals.

What is emotional rest?

Emotional rest involves reducing what is causing stress in the emotional and relational aspects of our beings. It also involves participating in activities that reinvigorate our emotional needs.

We experience emotional rest when we are in a safe space and don’t need to pretend, perform, or meet expectations. When we feel seen, understood, accepted, and loved—just as we are. Also, we find emotional rest when we spend time with the people who build us up, love us, and inspire us.

And since our hearts, minds, and bodies are interconnected, improving your emotional health offers other benefits as well.  “Studies show an improved immune system, better cardiovascular health, and less dementia in those who regularly enjoy the company of close confidantes.” ~ Saundra Dalton-Smith M.D

The strategies below will help you give your emotions the rest they need so you can feel whole, confident, and valuable.

Things you may need to RELEASE or REDUCE because they deplete you.

The following list includes common mindsets, or habits that may be adding to your emotional exhaustion. Consider which of these habits or thought patterns are the most troublesome and become more intentional about reducing their frequency in your life.

• High-maintenance or draining relationships. Some relationships drain us more than others. So far as it depends on you, limit the time you spend with people who drain you, belittle you, or abuse you. 
• Isolation and loneliness. Challenging relationships are emotionally costly, but so is feeling isolated and lonely. If you tend to withdraw too often, you may need to withdraw less and interact more.
• The expectation you are always positive. It’s impossible and unfair to your emotions. Even cheerful people have bad days. You are not responsible for keeping others happy all the time.
• Hiding your emotions. There are times when it’s unprofessional or unwise to let our emotions show. But keeping them hidden all the time isn’t healthy. (And when we try, they will eventually leak out, usually at inopportune moments.)
• People pleasing to feel accepted. Being accepted because you’ve acted in a certain way and being loved for your true self are two completely different things. The acceptance we win through wearing masks to fit in costs us emotionally more than it benefits us.
• Caregiving. Caring for others is hugely costly, whether it’s parenting toddlers, caring for someone through a devastating illness, or tending to a loved one’s last days. If you’re in this season know your limits and be slow to volunteer for additional caregiving requests.
• Comparison. Comparing ourselves to others is a serious drain on our emotional energy. We may need to deliberately reduce time spent scrolling the internet or leafing through magazines because it feeds our sense that we don’t measure up or our keeps our focus on what we don’t have but crave.

How to RESTORE what has been depleted

Restoring our emotional wellbeing involves intentionally adding activities, habits and relationships that restore what has been depleted.

This list offers suggestions that will help you reinvigorate your stressed or depleted emotions and strengthen your relationships.

• Spend time with uplifting people. We were created to live in community, so we benefit from time spent with the people who love us and build us up.  
• Open up. Risk vulnerability with people you trust. Hiding our thoughts and feelings is costly, so we need outlets where we can talk honestly about our feelings, struggles, and dreams.  
• Find your tribe. Emotional rest happens when we don’t need to perform or pretend to please anyone. Find the people with whom you can be your authentic self and spend time enjoying the freedom of simply being yourself. One way to find like-minded people is to get involved in a ministry or organization focused on a cause you care about. Or connect with people who share a hobby or favorite sport.
• Get face-to-face. Technology is a wonderful tool to stay connected to distant friends, but it’s no substitute for the real thing. We need time away from technology where we talk and interact in person with friends and loved ones.
• Become more emotionally aware. Practice paying attention to your emotional state as you go about your day and notice what situations or people tend to drain you and which cheer you up. The more you identify what drains you, the more intentional you can be in stewarding your emotional energy.
• Seek emotional healing. We’ve all been wounded by past events and toxic people. We can bring these wounds to God and ask him to heal us. But sometimes the wounds are bigger than we can face on our own. We may need help from a trained counselor, spiritual director, or therapist.  

How will you take active steps toward emotional rest this week?

I hope I have inspired you be aware of your emotional expenditures and honor your psyche’s need for restful and restorative activities.

What one thing can you RELEASE or REDUCE to find more emotional rest this week?

What one activity will you deliberately pursue to help you RESTORE your emotions and bring you emotional rest?