What Does The Bible Say About Selfishness in Marriage? - Olubunmi Mabel

When two people marry, they become one entity.

This is a beautiful thing, and it should be cherished.

However, sometimes people can get caught up in their own selfishness and forget about the other person.

This can lead to problems in the marriage relationship.

The bible has a lot to say about this topic, and we will explore some of those verses in this blog post.

Marriage is a sacred institution, and it should be treated with respect.

When both people involved are putting each other first, then the marriage will thrive!

What does the bible say about selfishness in marriage?

How can we overcome it?

Read on!

What Does The Bible Say About Selfishness in Marriage?

The definition of selfishness in marriage

Before we discuss the bible verses about selfishness in marriage, it’s important to first take a look at what exactly is meant by “selfishness” in this context.

The Oxford Dictionary defines selfishness as the quality of being uninterested in or not caring about other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

The consequences of selfishness in marriage

We all have our own dreams and goals, and we want to fulfill them as much as possible.

However, sometimes we can become so self-absorbed that we forget about the other person’s desires and needs.

If we are selfish in our marriages, there’s a good chance that it will end up harming both ourselves and our spouses.

There are several consequences of selfishness in marriage:

1. People who are selfish usually focus only on themselves which leaves them feeling empty.

 This lack of fulfillment can lead to feelings of depression and hopelessness.

They may also feel like they don’t have a purpose in life.

Instead of feeling empty, we should always be grateful for what we have and focus on serving others (Mark 10:44-45).

2. If you are married to someone who is selfish, it’s likely that they will withdraw from you or lash out at you because they resent being forced to put someone else ahead of themselves.

This resentment will damage the relationship and lead to a lack of intimacy.

Selfish people tend to have a “me first” attitude which doesn’t work well in marriage since we are called to put our spouse first (1 Corinthians 13:5).

Because of this, selfish people usually end up resenting their spouses.

They may even come to see their spouse as selfish or controlling which can lead to more conflict in the marriage.

If you aren’t putting God first in your life, it will be difficult for us to truly love our spouses (Matthew 22:36-40).

This is because we need God’s help and guidance so that we can be patient, humble, and selfless towards our spouses.

3. If we are selfish, then our spouse will struggle to love us the way that they should (1 Corinthians 13:4).

Our spouse may try to love us unconditionally but this isn’t what God wants them to do.

He wants them to show true love by caring about their own needs too (Philippians 2:3-4).

4. A selfish spouse will be unhappy in the relationship because they aren’t fulfilling their needs either.

They will also struggle to meet their own goals and have a hard time finding fulfillment in life since they are focusing on themselves instead of serving others.

5. Selfish people usually have a bad attitude which affects everyone around them.

They can have anger issues which will bring strife to their marriage and even cause the other spouse to lose respect for them (Ephesians 4:31-32).

6. On the flip side, if both people try to give each other what they need but do so in an unhealthy or unhelpful way, then that also leads nowhere good.

For example, if one spouse tries to meet their husband’s needs by giving him gifts instead of just genuinely caring for him and getting to know his heart and desires, this is also selfishness and not good for the relationship.

Ways to overcome selfishness in marriage – Bible verses about selfishness in marriage

If you’re tired of battling selfishness in marriage, then it’s time to fight back!

Here are some Bible verses about selfishness that you can memorize.

If we put these principles into practice often enough, they will become second nature to us.

Then we’ll be able to apply them in our marriage relationship.

1 Corinthians 10:24-25 “Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.”

Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

1 Corinthians 13:5-8 (NLT) Love does not demand its own way. Love…does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it is not ill-humored or irritable… and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.” (This verse gives us a good definition of love – which should be our goal for how we treat our spouse!)

1 Corinthians 13:5 (NIV) ”Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” (Patience and kindness are essential in marriage! This means we need to learn to wait on God and trust Him even when things don’t go as we expect them to.)

Matthew 7:12 ”So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law the Prophets.” (Treat others as you wish to be treated. We should want what’s best for our spouse rather than trying to benefit ourselves.)

1 Corinthians 3:3  (NIV) ”You are the one who sows… You will reap whatever you sow.” (This verse tells us that if we are selfish, then it will lead to negative consequences. We need to make sure that we are putting effort into meeting our own needs but also caring about the other person’s needs too!)

Romans 12:10  (NLT) ”Love one another with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” (We need to have genuine affection towards our spouse instead of just being selfish and demanding what we from them.)

Colossians 3:19-21 (NLT) ”Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers…do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged.” (This verse tells us that we need to be loving and caring towards our spouses instead of being harsh towards them.)

Ephesians 5:25  (NIV) ”Husbands…love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (The husband’s responsibility is to sacrificially love his wife because Christ loves the Church.)

1 Thessalonians 3:12  (NLT) ”And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love…toward each other and toward everyone.” (This verse tells us that increasing in love is what God wants for us!)

Ephesians 4:2  (NIV) ”Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (We need to have patience towards our spouse instead of being harsh or demanding.)

How to overcome selfishness in marriage

1. Lean on God

We need to learn God’s word and lean on Him for strength instead of relying on ourselves.

If you are struggling with selfishness, it’s important to ask God to help you (Philippians 4:6-7).

2. Set your priorities right

You should also make sure that your life isn’t unnecessarily busy.

Instead, set priorities and spend time with God, yourself, and your spouse each day.

3. Know your spouse

It’s also vital to learn as much as we can about the other person (1 Peter 3:7).

This is so important because it’s this knowledge that helps us serve our spouses.

We should know what they enjoy, their interests and things which they have a passion for.

Knowing these things will help us to communicate with our spouse better.

4. Willingness to change

Lastly, be willing to change instead of just thinking you’ve done enough or that your spouse needs to change (Romans 2:4).

We all fall short and need God’s guidance, so it’s vital that we seek forgiveness each day by asking for His help in our lives (1 John 1:9).

Taking the time to learn and understand our spouses is important and it’s something that we can all do by putting God first and focusing on making HIM happy!

This will enable us to truly put our spouses first instead of demanding what they have to give.

Prayer for overcoming selfishness in marriage

Dear Lord,

Please forgive me for being selfish in my marriage. Please show me how I can put YOU first in my life by loving others and putting their needs ahead of mine. Grant me the strength to love my spouse unconditionally even when I don’t feel like it – help me to do this because it’s what YOU want. Please show me how to put my spouse’s needs ahead of mine and help us to serve YOU together.

Thank you for my marriage Lord – please bless it with Your guidance, peace, and blessings.

Amen.