When Your Man Is Not Romantic: 6 Things To Do - Olubunmi Mabel
Romance is the sugar and spice of every union.
We all want to experience romance with the person we love and desire.
Sweet words, date nights, surprise presents, PDA (public displays of affection), affectionate teasing, kissing, the list is endless.
Romance is just sweet!
But what happens when you’re with a man who fails woefully at expressing romance?
You know he loves you, but you just wish he’d show it more.
First, I need you to understand that you’re not alone.
A lot of men struggle with showing romantic gestures to their women.
It is not just men; some women don’t even know how to be romantic.
This could be due to several reasons, but I won’t go into that today.
This post aims to find a way out.
No, I don’t mean a way out of the relationship; I mean a way out of the dilemma on the ground.
What should you do if your man is not charming enough?
When Your Man Is Not Romantic: 6 Things To Do
1. Try to understand his motives
Having a man who makes your stomach tingle is important, but having a man who genuinely loves you is even more important.
I say this because there are men who are perfect at displaying romantic gestures to women, but they don’t genuinely love the women.
So the man can be romantic but not love you.
The first thing you need to do is try to understand the state of your man’s heart.
Does he truly and sincerely love you but isn’t just great at expressing it the way you’d prefer?
Or is his lack of romance because he’s indifferent about you?
You need to be able to observe and tell yourself the truth.
If a man doesn’t give a hoot about you, don’t hide under the umbrella of “he’s just not romantic” and deceive yourself.
Smell the onions and act accordingly.
But if he loves, cares for, and cherishes you, but just isn’t a romantic man, then we have something to work with.
Having a man who gives you all the feels, does all the sweet things for you, and still genuinely loves you is not mutually exclusive; in fact, both should always coexist.
But in the case where his romance side is not so great, know that it can be worked on and improved as long as he’s open to learning.
2. Have a conversation about it
One thing about talking is that its power is super underestimated.
People take for granted how much communication can radically change their lives and relationships.
In situations like this, you need to communicate.
Talk to your man about what you want and how you feel.
I knew I had grown when I stopped expecting my man to read my mind and do the stuff I was secretly conceiving that was making me disappointed a lot and making me think he doesn’t love me enough.
I mean, he’d done so many amazing things for me but just because he wasn’t doing what was in my head, I would still feel let down a little.
But then I started communicating my expectations and feelings and everything changed.
You should try it too.
Maybe expressing your feelings to your man in an honest and gentle conversation is all that’s needed to do the magic.
He may just be ignorant or distracted and needs a gentle reminder.
So you should let your man know that you would appreciate more romance in your relationship.
3. Show him practical ways to be romantic
Sometimes you need to do more than just talk.
You need to give tips.
He may have heard all you said but still have no idea where to start from, you need to show him.
Suggest ways to be romantic to him by getting involved in shared activities that you both enjoy such as seeing movies, attending events or workshops, dancing, cooking, or going for walks.
You should also encourage him to seek inspiration from healthy external sources.
He can read books, observe other romantic men, see movies, and so on.
All of these will give him ideas on how to be more romantic.
But that’s not all, these things will also strengthen your bond and give you both new perspectives on how to nurture your relationship.
4. Lead by example
After telling him, show him.
If you want him to be more romantic, then show him what romance is.
Communicate it to him in his love language and ensure he notices you.
Taking the lead in being romantic is one sure way to influence your man.
You don’t have to start with anything grand.
Simple gestures like an unexpected thigh rub or peck, while he’s driving, leaving love notes, sending random sweet text messages, planning surprises, or initiating intimate moments, can make all the difference.
Create a romantic atmosphere in your relationship intentionally.
Plan date nights, and spend quality time together with candles, music, and simple but exciting and special decorations.
Do all of it.
These things can help set the mood for romance and rekindle the fire, making your man more in touch with that side of himself.
5. Focus on his other good sides
While you’re applying the above tips to awaken the romantic side of your man, focus on other things too.
If the man loves you, then there must be other ways he’s showing it.
He may not be doing the mushy things you want yet but he must be doing other noble and nice things as an expression of his love for you.
Identify those things and focus on them.
Amplify his good gestures and prioritize the intimacy and bond you both have.
Try to deepen your emotional bond through open communication and shared experiences.
Understand that he may not be speaking your love language but he’s communicating his love in other positive ways.
Explain your love language to him but still show appreciation for the things he does.
Appreciation has a way of encouraging people and bringing out more in them.
6. Give it time
A man who’s not used to being romantic won’t just wake up one day and become the King of grand and sweet gestures.
If he’s open to learning, he’ll learn it but it won’t happen overnight.
Be patient and encourage him.
It takes time and effort from you two to build a romantic relationship.
Don’t relent in your efforts but remain patient and notice the small improvements along the way.
Also, be realistic with your expectations from him.
Don’t try to compare your man or relationship with another person’s, that’s a recipe for unhappiness.
Try to be more open-minded because romance has different meanings to different people so you want to consider that as well.
Let your man know what romance means to you then you both can find a middle ground.
However, if there’s a foundational or an underlying issue in the relationship, these tips may not be effective.
After talking, you both may need to seek counseling.
With professionals like counselors and therapists, it’s easier to express yourself, navigate your feelings, get a better perspective, and improve your relationship.
Romance can be learned and expressed flawlessly.
