Who Should Set the Boundaries on Setting Boundaries?
Boundaries. That’s a buzzword we hear a lot these days. Boundaries are good, right? I mean, don’t we need to set boundaries in our lives? Well … yes, but …
Boundaries are good when they’re used to put limits on the demands or expectation others place on us. Boundaries help us say no. Boundaries empower us to push back when needed so that others don’t run over us or take over our lives.
But the notion of boundaries gets taken too far. Setting boundaries has become a way for people to justify making their needs the top priority over everything and everyone else. Boundaries can cater to a self-centered “me first” approach to life.
I’m not arguing against self-care. But if we use boundaries as a justification for anything we do or don’t want to do, we may have gone too far. What about what God wants?
One blogger says we have replaced morals with boundaries. Sadly, I don’t think she’s wrong, because as one therapist noted, boundaries “can be anything, include anything, and change depending on the person/situation/time. All that matters is that they feel good to you.”
“All that matters is that they feel good to you.” Can we really trust our feelings? How do we know our self-designated boundaries are truly the best for us? Am I really the best judge of what my boundaries should be? Surely there’s a better source.
Let God set the boundaries. Let Him define morality. He has made those boundaries clear in His Word. When I follow the owner’s manual for my truck and use my power tools as explained in the operation manual, I get more life out of those things. God’s Word is the owner’s manual for our lives—and we get more out of life when we stick to what He says.
Go ahead and set some boundaries in your relationships with others—you should not let people run roughshod over you—but let those boundaries be grounded in what God’s Word says about relationships. (And it says a lot!) In other words, let God set the boundaries for you. But trash the boundary buzz phrases when it comes to what you do with God’s call on your life.
- That doesn’t work for me.
- I can’t commit to that right now.
- I’m not comfortable with that.
- I can’t do that, but here’s what I can do instead.
- I need some time to myself.
The boundaries God set in place for us—His commands and statutes—are for our benefit! I created you. I know what’s best for you, so trust me. Stay within these parameters, and you will find life to be full, whole, and meaningful.
“The precepts of the Lord are right, making the heart glad; the command of the Lord is radiant, making the eyes light up…. They are more desirable than gold—than an abundance of pure gold; and sweeter than honey dripping from a honeycomb” (Ps. 19, 8.10).
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