What have you done to feel loved? To feel sure of that love?
Do you have any regrets for what you have done?
Even knowing your regrets, do you still struggle with wondering if you will ever be loved enough?
A member of my church asked me this question. “Why do I feel
I have to prove my love to people? And why was I so adamant about them proving
their love to me? Hence I was the driving force for three women who tattooed my
name on their bodies to prove their love for me.”
Oh dear. Speaking of regrets.
These women were asked to carry his wound instead of him
healing his wound.
Have you asked others to carry your wound, too? Did you hope
that a certain relationship would make you complete? Did you contort yourself
believing that to be included in this certain group, you would finally believe that
you are who you want to be? Did you irrationally cling to someone? Did you
believe that finally becoming a manager or published author or a mother would
give you the esteem you’ve been desperate for?
Did you hustle, power over, and contort only to find out that it is your mask that is receiving the love and esteem? That you are still not known. That you are still not loved. That you are still not enough.
You know the desperate lies you told people. You know the desperate lies you tell yourself.
You know the desperate wound in your soul. Even as it hurts
too much to know that wound. This hustle and powering over numbs that pain.
The truth is these people and their words will never fill
your soul. I was never meant to. Of course they are going to disappoint you.
These people are not the healer of your wounded soul.
My dear soul friend, do you wish to be seen? Are you tired
of the hustle and still not being known?
Because three women having your name tattoed on their bodies
has not been enough. You know how tired your soul is. May you find the safety
you need as you read these truths.
I don’t know what caused your wound but I know that your soul has been reprogrammed. No matter what age the wound(s) happened, lies have been said to reprogram your soul. You started believing that “this” (your contorted version of you) is who you are. That maybe you need to have a relationship to be loved. That maybe if you do this accomplishment you will be esteemed.
The enemy is the liar to your soul. Your enemy/Satan/devil/tormenter/accuser desires to reprogram your soul, to keep you small, hoping that the enemy’s lies will forever define you. See *** at the end.
The Father’s heart says, “Come to me with your most unsolvable pain.”
The Father’s heart is a tender place to be and you are invited there. God defines love as a pursuing force that is not dependent upon your response back. God is going to continue to pursue and love anyway because he is love. The Father’s heart is a safe place.
The problem is you’ve had your heart smashed so many times. You’ve had your trust violated so many times. You just don’t have enough heart left to trust God. (Read Trusting the Promiser to give you some hope.)
Take that piece that is left and trust God with that. God is pursuing that smashed heart of yours with his love. Or her love because God is so much like a mother who will do anything to protect her wounded child. Even if your mother never protected you.
This is the same Father who spoke to you in the womb before you were even born. Psalm 51:6 says Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place. And Isaiah 49:1, The Lord called me before my birth; from within the womb he called me by name.
What was God saying to you in the womb?
These were the first words spoken into your life.
Then there were other words. Then there were the enemy’s
lies. You are still fighting with the programming from people who you are not
in your life anymore. They are the voices inside your head.
But God spoke to you first. (Words you need to read here.)
What did God say to you first? Find those words.
You are not alone. Read this story and you will know that you are not alone.
***You have an enemy noted in the Bible. Do you see your enemy now?
- Revelation 12:10 – Then I heard a loud voice shouting across the heavens, “It has come at last— salvation and power and the Kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth— the one who accuses them before our God day and night.
- John 8:44 – He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
- John 10:10 – The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.
Originally published at Bravester with permission from Brenda Seefeldt Amodea.