A comment on social media – Divorce Minister

David Derksen

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“I should have divorced him long ago,” writes Cheater.

I was scrolling through my feed the other day, and I came across a comment by an admitted Cheater. She was casting herself as the victim in the comment.

The post by a ministry talking about people who stayed stuck in an abusive marriage.

What I find ironic about the comment (which is not posted above) is how the writer failed to understand SHE was the abuser in cheating on her husband. That abuse got a pass in her comment.

This is all too common.

Cheaters get a pass by many for the abuse the cheating is. They lie and gaslight; however, their “needs” get prioritized over the victim’s. Few people push the cheater to take accountability for their abuse of the faithful spouse.

The violation of learning one’s spouse has slept with another is profoundly deep! It up ends one’s world. Besides the soul-level pain, the experience does a real number on one’s sense of safety and ability to trust others–including one’s self.

This is why minimizing the sin of adultery is especially heinous.

The destruction of this sin is great, indeed. I am not even scratching the surface of all the places such sin lays waste. It is abusive and utterly destructive.

You cannot cheat without abusing trust and violating your spouse’s soul. Plus, that does not even mention the “cover up” abuse.

The sooner the Church understands this about cheaters the better. Adultery is that serious! Such sin is abusive, and those that abuse–namely, cheaters–are abusers.

Republished with permission from

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