Does It Get Easier? — grateful, yet grieving
Days, weeks, and months have turned into 4 years since my husband suddenly died. At times it seems like it was a lifetime ago, and other days, it feels like it was last month. In the first weeks, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. But I’m still here.
Someone asked, “Does it get easier?” I’m not sure.
The word easier is not what I would use. Is it easier to walk with a prosthetic leg, when you use to walk normally? This past week I heard a man speak who lost his vision while he was in high school. He described his life now as a 50-year-old. He said he misses seeing things as someone with vision but has developed his other senses to notice and experience the world. Does he miss being able to see the faces of those he loved, or the sunset? Of course. But he’s learned to adapt. I guess that’s what I’d call it. I’ve learned to adapt. With that, here are some things I’ve learned on the journey so far.
1. You cannot stop loving someone just because they aren’t here. I love Fred more and miss him every day and will until I see him in heaven.
2. I’ve found God to be who He says He is: my Refuge, Strong Tower, Faithful Friend, and Comforter. God has carried me and continues to comfort me from His Word, with words that sustain me.
3. Grief is not linear or contained. Like a storm without warning, it can engulf you and take you down. I’ve learned that I don’t have to stay down.
4. Grief produces growth. David Brooks says, “Suffering opens up the deepest sources of the self and exposes fresh soil for new growth.” I’ve discovered parts of myself I never knew were there. I’m not who I was as a married person. Part of me died when Fred died, but part of me came to life.
5. Grief feels like you are drowning, while at the same time you spot a life preserver. It starts to float toward you as you gasp for air. There’s hope that you will survive.
6. Each of us takes our own journey with grief. It’s unique to you and your relationship with the person you loved and lost. We all grieve in our own way.
7. We can’t go it alone. Clinging to my faith and having companions along the way have carried me when I could barely walk emotionally. Healing happens in community.
8. We can grieve while having hope of life beyond this earth. God has made a way for us.
Heaven awaits. Thanks be to God.
