Not less but MORE! - Divorce Minister

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

-2 Timothy 1:7, KJV

While adultery victims are not less than victims of their cheaters, they are also more.

They are FAITHFUL SPOUSES!

SURVIVORS.

Just because we have been cheated upon does not mean we get to stop being responsible for our own choices and actions. In fact, I fail to see a path to recovery that does not include embracing one’s agency and personal power.

One of the many awful lessons of discovering an unfaithful spouse is the reminder of how limited our sphere of control is. We do not control what our spouse (or ex-spouse) does.

BUT we DO control what WE do!

-We can choose to disagree with the lies of our cheater and cohorts.

-We can refuse to stay in a marriage with an unrepentant cheater.

-We can find nonjudgmental support and share our story in the safety of such a Christlike presence.

-We can start a new hobby, career, and/or friendship as a way to invest in ourselves.

-We can find another church or faith community where adultery is taken seriously and the leaders support adultery victims.

-We can …

Sometimes, the pain of the situation blinds us to all these options of what we can do as faithful spouses. We do not have to sit there and “take it.” Options exist for us to have full and meaningful lives beyond this ugly chapter.

Make the infidelity a footnote to your AWESOME life…not the main narrative! You, faithful spouse, are SO much more than what wickedness was done to you.

Besides, your cheater does not deserve such centrality.

*A version of this post ran previously.