Insist on seeing the change! - Divorce Minister

Skip to content

Prove by the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God.

-Matthew 3:8, NLT

When dealing with a cheater, the proper biblical approach is NOT to even consider restoring the marriage without obvious repentance.

You need to look at the cheater’s actions:

Are they the sort of actions that demonstrate that this person has forsaken their life of sin? Or are they simply the actions of someone trying to avoid the consequences?

The cheater who has stepped onto the path of repentance does not blame the faithful partner–even in part–for choosing the path of sin. They live in such a way that demonstrates that they understand their sin is their own problem to fix. It was not cause by marriage circumstances; rather, it was caused by the sin in the cheater’s own heart.

A repentant cheater ends the relationship with the third party and is an “open book” for their spouse answering whatever questions he or she needs to heal. This is what repenting of lies and deceit looks like.

The expectation of repentance is a healthy one. Let’s keep that in the focus with cheaters and NOT “saving” a marriage that cannot be saved in truth while one party refuses to repent.

*A version of this post ran previously.

Post navigation

Give

Subscribe to the Daybreak Devotions for Women

Be inspired by God's Word every day! Delivered to your inbox.


More from David Derksen

  • featureImage

    Yes "....at just the right time" - Divorce Minister

    You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. -Romans 5:6, NIV “At just the right time” I think we are conditioned as a species to think the “right time” is when we are able to “save ourselves.” We think that is when a partnership with God is appropriate. … Continue reading "Yes “….at just the right time”"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Cheater Still Blaming Spouse - Divorce Minister

    “Sure, I cheated in the past. But I sorted that with my individual therapist. We agreed my emotional affair was really just a symptom of my marriage problems,” says Cheater. So much of the pastoral or other Christian counseling is biased towards “saving” the marriage. This bias can lead to the pastor glossing over a … Continue reading "Cheater Still Blaming Spouse"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    A Powerful Quote About Trauma - Divorce Minister

    This past week I was blessed to spend time up at a cabin in Northern Minnesota. It was a wonderful time of memory making and relaxation with family. When I was driving back home yesterday, I was listening to an audio book. In particular, I am going through When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your … Continue reading "A Powerful Quote About Trauma"

    1 min read
  • featureImage

    Expectations: Model Christian Divorcee - Divorce Minister

    “’I am innocent, but it makes no difference to me— I despise my life. Innocent or wicked, it is all the same to God. That’s why I say, ‘He destroys both the blameless and the wicked.’” -Job 9:21-22, NLT Ever noticed the pressure among Christians to talk about “our part” when our marriages end in divorce–even … Continue reading "Expectations: Model Christian Divorcee"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    11 Years of Divorce Minister Blog! - Divorce Minister

    Today is the blog’s “birthday.” It’s hard to believe how fast time has flown! I launched this online ministry eleven years ago today with the hope to address a gap in resources for faithful spouses. What I experienced when I went through my own divorce from my Cheater was the absence of solid pastoral resources … Continue reading "11 Years of Divorce Minister Blog!"

    1 min read

Editor's Picks

More from David Derksen

  • featureImage

    Yes "....at just the right time" - Divorce Minister

    You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. -Romans 5:6, NIV “At just the right time” I think we are conditioned as a species to think the “right time” is when we are able to “save ourselves.” We think that is when a partnership with God is appropriate. … Continue reading "Yes “….at just the right time”"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    Cheater Still Blaming Spouse - Divorce Minister

    “Sure, I cheated in the past. But I sorted that with my individual therapist. We agreed my emotional affair was really just a symptom of my marriage problems,” says Cheater. So much of the pastoral or other Christian counseling is biased towards “saving” the marriage. This bias can lead to the pastor glossing over a … Continue reading "Cheater Still Blaming Spouse"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    A Powerful Quote About Trauma - Divorce Minister

    This past week I was blessed to spend time up at a cabin in Northern Minnesota. It was a wonderful time of memory making and relaxation with family. When I was driving back home yesterday, I was listening to an audio book. In particular, I am going through When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your … Continue reading "A Powerful Quote About Trauma"

    1 min read
  • featureImage

    Expectations: Model Christian Divorcee - Divorce Minister

    “’I am innocent, but it makes no difference to me— I despise my life. Innocent or wicked, it is all the same to God. That’s why I say, ‘He destroys both the blameless and the wicked.’” -Job 9:21-22, NLT Ever noticed the pressure among Christians to talk about “our part” when our marriages end in divorce–even … Continue reading "Expectations: Model Christian Divorcee"

    2 min read
  • featureImage

    11 Years of Divorce Minister Blog! - Divorce Minister

    Today is the blog’s “birthday.” It’s hard to believe how fast time has flown! I launched this online ministry eleven years ago today with the hope to address a gap in resources for faithful spouses. What I experienced when I went through my own divorce from my Cheater was the absence of solid pastoral resources … Continue reading "11 Years of Divorce Minister Blog!"

    1 min read