11 Unimaginable Ways Divorce Changes a Woman - Olubunmi Mabel

Divorce is one of the toughest challenges any woman can face.

And oh, it changes you.

In ways you never imagined.

Going from being a wife to being single again is not just a legal process; it’s an emotional journey.

And it’s different for everyone.

But one thing is certain – divorce changes you.

Let’s see how:

11 Ways Divorce Changes a Woman

1. A Change in Identity:

When you get married, you not only gain a partner but also a new identity as a wife.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t change your name or if you were already living with your partner before marriage; the title of “wife” holds a certain weight and responsibility.

However, after divorce, that identity is taken away, leaving you feeling like you lost a part of yourself.

You go from being someone’s partner to flying solo, and that can really mess with your self-view if you are not careful and if you are not happy with the divorce.

I know divorce isn’t generally a happy event, but in some weird cases, some women’s divorce calls for a celebration.

Maybe they were in an abusive relationship, or they were getting a huge divorce settlement, and for them, this divorce changed their identity in a positive way.

Anyways, these are the exceptions, but for the majority of women, divorce leads to a negative change in identity.

One day, you’re half of the “we love Thai food” couple, and the next, you’re the single lady in line at the grocery store buying a single-serving pad Thai.

And it’s not just in little things like that; your dreams, goals, and how you see your future also take a hit.

You might have planned your whole life around your marriage and now have to completely re-evaluate your goals and priorities as an individual.

It’s a huge change, really.

2. A Shift in Priorities:

Your status in life will always determine your priorities.

For example, when you’re single, your main focus is usually on furthering your career or education, traveling the world, and enjoying life to the fullest.

But once you get married, your priorities shift from “me” to “us.”

Your partner /family becomes a priority in every decision you make; their needs and wants take precedence over yours.

I usually tell my husband that if I were still single, I’d be a digital nomad by now.

You know, working from anywhere in the world, traveling all the time, and living my best life.

But because I’m married, my priorities changed; I now have a family that needs stability and routine.

That’s why when divorce happens, it can be challenging to readjust your priorities once again.

You’re suddenly back to being only responsible for yourself and making decisions without considering anyone else.

For some women, this can be liberating, while for others, it can be scary and overwhelming because they have spent years putting their partner first and now have to shift focus back to themselves.

3. Coping with Emotional Changes:

Divorce is a loss; there’s no denying that.

And like any other loss, it’s normal to go through the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

However, unlike a physical death, where you mourn someone who is no longer in your life, divorce is mourning the loss of your marriage and all that comes with it: companionship, financial stability, hopes and dreams for the future, etc.

Divorce can turn a once happy, optimistic woman into someone who is filled with pain, sadness, and anger.

In fact, it can make a woman bitter and resentful and not believe in the institution of marriage anymore.

You can hear some divorced women say things like, ”Men are trash”, ”Love is a myth”, or ”Love is a lie.”

4. The Stigma Surrounding Divorce:

You didn’t get married thinking it would end, and facing the world as a divorced woman can be difficult, especially if you come from a culture or community where divorce is not accepted or frowned upon.

Despite how common it is, there’s still a stigma attached to divorce, as if it speaks to your character or your ability to commit.

People might judge you and assume they know the reasons behind your divorce without even knowing your story.

This can make it hard for a woman to feel comfortable talking about her feelings, and she might end up feeling isolated and alone.

5. Loss of Support System:

Divorce can also bring about a loss of a support system.

You may have built close relationships with your ex-partner’s family or mutual friends during the marriage, and after divorce, those relationships can become strained or end altogether.

One scary thing about divorce is how people you thought were once for you can turn against you.

Friends you shared with your ex will choose sides, and in some cases, they may not choose yours.

This loss of support system and community can leave a woman feeling alone and unsure who to turn to for emotional support during such a tough time.

6. Finding New Interests:

It’s common for married couples to share interests and hobbies.

My husband and I usually enjoy watching movies together.

In fact, I don’t enjoy watching ‘Love is Blind’ alone.

For a divorced woman, those activities might lose their appeal or even bring up painful memories.

She may also find that she no longer has anyone to do these activities with and, therefore, must find new interests to occupy her time and fill the void in her life.

7. Financial Instability:

Divorce can lead to financial instability due to legal fees, asset division, child support payments, and other expenses that come with living independently.

This is why women who aren’t financially independent hesitate to leave an unhappy marriage.

They fear they won’t be able to support themselves and their children without their partner’s income, and their fears are valid.

That’s why some women wait until their kids are older or until they have a secure financial plan before filing for divorce.

However, this financial instability can also be a blessing in disguise as it forces women to become financially literate and independent.

They learn how to budget, save, and invest their money wisely.

They may even discover hidden talents and turn them into profitable businesses.

This is why I always encourage women to have some form of financial independence, whether it’s through a job or having their own savings.

That way, if divorce happens, they won’t feel trapped in an unhappy marriage for financial reasons.

Anyway, financial instability can also occur for women who are financially dependent on their ex-spouse, even if they have a job.

Maybe they were used to living a certain lifestyle that is no longer sustainable on their own, or they have to take on more financial responsibility than they were used to.

This can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression.

I’ll stress again that it’s important for women to have their own source of income and savings so they can have a sense of security and control over their financial lives.

It also allows them to make decisions about their future without feeling held back or limited by their finances.

Having your own financial independence will give you the freedom to pursue your interests and passions without having to rely on someone else’s approval or financial support.

You can invest in yourself, whether it’s through classes, workshops, or starting your own business.

This not only improves your skills and knowledge but also gives you a sense of fulfillment and purpose outside of your relationship, and it feels so good!

8. Parenting Alone:

Parenting, even when spouses are together, is already a tough job!

We have two kids, and I constantly desire to have one or two nannies to take care of my kids and keep me sane.

Now imagine doing all that work alone!

It’s overwhelming and exhausting, especially if you have young children who need constant care and attention.

Divorce will dramatically change your parenting experience and bring new challenges, such as co-parenting with your ex-partner, handling visitation schedules, and juggling responsibilities without the support of another parent.

Well, if you are well off financially, you may be able to afford help, and you might not feel the full weight of single parenting.

But for most people, parenting alone means taking on everything from cooking and cleaning to paying bills and attending school events all by yourself.

It can be a lonely experience as you don’t have someone to share the joys and struggles of raising children with.

It’s not easy, and there will be days when you feel like giving up.

9. Fear of Loneliness

Fear of loneliness is palpable after a divorce.

When you have shared your life with someone for a long time, it can be scary to suddenly find yourself alone.

Fear of loneliness is real, and this fear is why some people stay in unhealthy relationships or rush into new ones after a divorce.

Going from being coupled to being single is such a huge change.

10. Fear of Rejection

Nobody likes to be rejected, and it’s common for people who have gone through a divorce to fear being rejected again.

This fear can manifest in different ways, such as avoiding dating or social situations altogether.

Because divorce can leave you feeling rejected and unworthy of love.

You may start to doubt your self-worth, especially if your ex-partner was the one who initiated the separation.

11. Fear of Trusting Again

This is one of the ways divorce changes you as a woman.

Divorce can shake your trust in others, especially when it was a betrayal or infidelity that led to the end of your marriage.

You may find it difficult to open up and trust someone new, fearing that they will also hurt you in the same way.

So yeah, divorce changes a woman in many ways.

But people are different, and everyone’s experience with divorce is unique, and how people handle it also varies.

Some women use those changes to grow and become stronger, while others may struggle and need more support to adapt.

Whatever your experience may be, I hope you come out of it stronger.