6 Unmistakable Signs Of A Passive Husband—And How To Wake Him Up! - Olubunmi Mabel

I firmly believe in the equality of males and females.

This is one of my core beliefs.

However, this equality doesn’t discount the fact that both males and females are usually wired differently.

The fact is the male’s masculinity is one of the things that differentiates both genders.

Women usually find this attribute very attractive.

Over the years, masculinity may have been given a different meaning from what it ideally means.

And this has to be corrected.

Masculinity is the assertiveness, leadership, independence, and activeness that most males usually display naturally.

Even while acknowledging their equality, women usually search for these attributes in men.

Marriage is supposed to be a beautiful partnership.

However, if it feels like one partner is not holding up their end of the partnership, feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration may start creeping in.

If you feel like your husband is more of a spectator than a partner in the marriage, you may have started feeling some of this dissatisfaction.

You may be married to a passive husband.

Don’t fret, though!

Help is here.

In this article, we will explore ten unmistakable signs of a passive husband and tips on how to wake him up and get him back in the game…

Let’s get started!

1. He avoids decision-making

Growing up, I knew some kids who were tagged “passive.”

They were usually quiet kids who were very slow to act.

In that case, action was reacting to something someone did to you.

However, that’s not what I am talking about in this case.

Gentility doesn’t automatically translate into passiveness.

Being thoughtful isn’t also passiveness.

Passiveness is obvious avoidance of decision-making.

If your husband leaves most or all of the decision-making to you, it is an unmistakable sign of passiveness.

Men usually want to be involved in the family’s decision-making process.

By nature and nurture, they usually want to have a say in everything under their purview.

However, this doesn’t mean that a man who lords it over his wife is doing right.

Making all the decisions and making none of them are extremes that shouldn’t be seen in any successful marriage.

If your husband usually defers decision-making to you, it is a sign that he is passive.

However, don’t panic.

There are things you can do about this.

You don’t have to be stuck bearing the burden of two people for the rest of your life.

You only need to encourage him to get more involved in decision-making.

Sometimes, I ask him what he thinks.

Let him know his opinions are valued.

It may be tiring sometimes, but don’t give up.

He will get the message soon!

2. He never takes the initiative

This could be the most frustrating part of being with a passive husband.

You have to think of everything, or nothing will get done.

He never takes the initiative on anything.

Not on household tasks and definitely not on planning dates.

Don’t even get me started about what happens in the bedroom.

You probably have to initiate sex all the time.

It’s tiring.

I know it is, but you love him and want to help him, right?

You can do this by setting small, achievable tasks for him to take care of.

Of course, you should always remember to praise his efforts.

With every small task and praise, you are taking steps towards reinforcing his confidence and finally getting him to take the initiative.

3. He seems indifferent

Sometimes, the signs of a passive husband may resemble that of a man who no longer loves his wife.

You may need to be very discerning to understand the reason why your husband behaves the way he does.

This is one of such signs.

Passive husbands may sometimes seem to be very indifferent to the needs of their wives.

It’s almost like they are oblivious to everything happening in their environment.

This is especially true when you don’t mention your needs clearly because you expect him to know.

Well, some men are sensitive enough to know their wives’ needs without being told.

However, you may need to clearly communicate your needs to your husband if you notice that he is oblivious to them.

It may just be a sign of passivity.

It is important that you don’t just assume that he doesn’t love you anymore.

Try communicating your needs effectively before making other conclusions.

4. He is over-reliant on you

“What would I have done without you?”

Remember when he used to say this, and it used to seem so cute?

Now, it is no longer cute.

You have been bearing the stress of his over-reliance on you bravely.

But how much more stress can you humanly handle before breaking down?

You feel stretched thin because you have so much to do, including handling your own tasks and helping your husband with his.

It’s not wrong to help your husband.

It’s just that when the help is one-sided, it becomes a problem.

What you need to do in this case is to encourage him to take on more responsibilities.

Don’t rush him.

Do this gradually so he doesn’t get overwhelmed.

Remember to always celebrate his success.

Help him realize that he can rely on himself sometimes.

The buck doesn’t always have to stop with you.

5. He never expresses his opinion

This is another unmistakable sign of a passive husband.

It could be a sign of passivity if your husband never expresses an opinion about anything.

When you ask him for his opinion, he may say things like, “If that’s what you want,” “I don’t mind,” or “I support whatever your decision is.”

In the beginning, it must have felt so sweet to have such a supportive husband.

I bet it’s no longer sweet.

A supportive husband is not just a man who agrees with anything you want to do.

A supportive husband is a man who agrees with you whenever you are right but doesn’t hesitate to share his opinion with you if he feels you are wrong.

Passive husbands don’t express their opinions because they may be trying to avoid conflicts.

Conflicts are normal in any human relationship.

They shouldn’t be avoided; instead, couples should learn how to resolve them effectively.

You need to encourage him to share his opinions and views.

Try not to be judgemental and critical of him.

Perhaps this will be a lasting solution to his passivity.

6. He may lack ambition

In school, we had a set of students referred to as NFAs- “No Future Ambition.”

This was because of how they lived their lives.

They were not serious in school and usually sat at the back of the class, where they played away their time in school.

They were kids and didn’t know better.

Your husband is an adult but may exhibit the same lack of drive as they did.

He shows no real drive to improve himself and get better both professionally and personally.

He seems so satisfied with his lackluster performance and doesn’t show any signs of wanting to up his game.

It can be frustrating sometimes.

But you really have to help him realize that he can do so much more with his life.

Support him and positively reinforce his self-esteem by saying positive things to him.

Encourage him to set goals for himself and praise him for achieving them.

I hope you have followed me closely to this point.

If you have, I am sure you have been mentally ticking the boxes, and you know already if you are married to a passive husband.

While I have already mentioned some tips on waking him up, we will review some of them again for your benefit.

The first thing you need to do is to understand why your husband is passive.

Has he always been that way?

Or is it something that just started?

You must introspect deeply and consider how you may have contributed to this development.

Have you somehow encouraged his passiveness?

Are you so assertive that he decided that passiveness was the only way to have peace in the marriage?

You should honestly attempt to answer these questions.

Then, you need to communicate openly with your husband.

He may not even realize what is going on.

It’s your duty to ensure that he realizes what is going on and its effect on the marriage.

While you are at it, you can work out suitable ways to handle decision-making in the marriage to ensure full participation.

Let him make some decisions; even when he defers to you, send it right back to him.

Try to support his right decisions and calmly disagree when you need to without sounding judgmental.

Show some trust in your husband and acknowledge his efforts.

It is also important that you don’t rush the process.

Patience is the most important virtue needed in this process.

Seeking the help of a professional may not be a bad idea, but it must be done with his informed consent and permission.

There are several reasons some men are passive in marriage.

And some of them may take root from traumatic experiences and low self-esteem.

A professional is well-equipped to handle situations like this.

If your husband is passive, it may be safe to conclude that he no longer believes in himself for some reason.

He may be battling with feelings of inadequacy.

This has to stop because it is putting a strain on the relationship.

Only you and your husband can put a stop to it.

He needs to change that destructive mindset and realize how valuable he is to his family.

You can help with that by encouraging him and saying positive things to him.

If you follow the steps above patiently, soon, you will be able to wake your husband up from being passive and become the embodiment of an actively involved husband.