Seemingly Happy — Carol McLeod Ministries
A Note from Carol:
One of the most fulfilling aspects of my ministry is the privilege of partnering with others who have dedicated their lives to proclaiming the hope and truth found in God’s Word. I believe we are in a season where God is amplifying the voices of those uniquely called to inspire, encourage, and equip the Church.
Today, I’m thrilled to introduce you to Dr. Patricia Boyce. She is not only a gifted leader and speaker but also a passionate advocate for spiritual growth and transformation. With her wealth of knowledge and deep commitment to biblical truth, Dr. Boyce empowers others to walk in faith, purpose, and the abundant grace of God.
It is an honor to share my platform with her, and I know you will be deeply blessed by her wisdom and insight.
The outward signs of depression are not always obvious. For instance, depressed people might put on a mask of happiness to everyone around them. They may deny the reality of what’s going on inside them, even to themselves. The term smiling depression is not a medical diagnosis—or necessarily a clinical term, either—but it’s useful to help us describe what happens when people try to manage their depression by hiding their symptoms. These individuals are actively denying that there’s a problem: “I’m fine, just fine. Everything is fine.” One of the primary reasons they continue to engage with others instead of withdrawing is because they’re fearful of people finding out that there’s something wrong with them. It’s a bit like imposter syndrome, a term that describes when people who could be celebrating their achievements instead doubt their abilities and believe that they don’t deserve success, in part because they don’t know how to process it.
People who try to conceal their depression may fear losing relationships. Even if they sense that they need help, they may have no idea how to get it, other people in, so they justify or rationalize isolating themselves and disconnecting from their community. Because they hide the depression well, other people don’t see what’s really going on. It’s sad to say, but I frequently find this to be true within the community of believers. The culture of Christianity has historically been judgmental of mental health. We may have multiple medical problems, be actively engaged in sinful behaviors, or struggle in various others areas while still receiving support from our Christian community, but this is often not the case with matters of mental health. This mindset is beginning to shift, and it will continue to shift if believers are willing to get real about their struggles. Finding a place to practice being vulnerable will result in authentic and genuine connections among believers.
People who exhibit smiling depression may use Christianized statements and come across as almost too happy. They make superficial connections, attempting to put the focus on others in an effort to feel better about themselves or to divert attention from themselves so no one has a chance to see their inner struggles. This is a misinterpretation of Philippians 2:3–4, in which Paul advised, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (NIV).
Outward, pretend happiness covers up the fact that these individuals are struggling internally and sabotaging any real relationship with other people and with the Lord. In a way, it’s easier to love others—or at least to appear to do so—than to love ourselves. I question if we can truly love other people in the way Jesus wants us to, with grace, compassion, and forgiveness, if we don’t know how to love ourselves. When we say to ourselves, “Nobody loves me,” it’s dangerous to our mental and spiritual health. It’s not only self-deprecation, but a lie the enemy tells us with the intention of keeping Christ’s children from His true love.
I challenge people who have embraced this lie to explore their understanding of what Jesus meant by His teachings in the Gospels, such as the command to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31 NIV). The golden rule is important, but it’s not only about treating others well. I ask people, “If you’re showing love to someone, would you say to that person the things you say to yourself?” They are appalled because, of course, they would never say aloud to other people the harsh things they tell themselves. Why not? They tell me that doing so would be disrespectful and socially unacceptable. “I wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings,” they point out.
If you do as Scripture instructs and love your neighbor as you love yourself, you must be speaking to the people around you in an unkind and critical, even hostile, manner. If that’s the case, I wouldn’t want to be your neighbor, as you would be the person hanging out of your window, constantly criticizing me and hurling insults in my direction. If it’s not okay to act that way and say hurtful words to your neighbor, then why is it okay to treat yourself so unlovingly? Most of us were socialized to believe that if we love ourselves, then we’re conceited and self-absorbed and think that we’re better than other people. We’re indoctrinated in the idea that other people are better than we are. Putting others’ needs ahead of ours can be good, but not if we’re dismissing our own critical needs to focus entirely on other people.
I need to be clear: I don’t believe that Christ was telling us to be self-absorbed, but He also wasn’t saying that we should hate ourselves. The very idea of loving your neighbor as yourself assumes that you love yourself! However, we live in a world that attempts to steal our self-love and sense of self-worth, and we often end up focusing on the negative. When we constantly evaluate ourselves in a harsh light, it interferes with our ability to treat others well and show the love Christ intends for His people to demonstrate. He said, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35 NIV).
In today’s enlightening conversation, Carol McLeod speaks with Dr. Patricia Boyce, a licensed professional counselor, about her journey of faith, mental health, and the importance of community support. They discuss the challenges women face with depression, the significance of reaching out for help, and powerful lessons from the Book of Ezekiel. Listen in for your dose of scriptural truth and encouragement!
