A frustration with some Christian mental health providers - Divorce Minister

“If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive.”

-Luke 17:3b, NLT

Rebuke, repentance, THEN AND ONLY  THEN, forgiveness is to be offered.

This is the order Jesus Himself gave us for godly forgiveness. However, this is usually NOT the order presented to faithful spouses or Christians in other traumatic situations.

They are just to “forgive” the perpetrator with no reference to a rebuke or the offender’s repentance.

That is NOT biblical forgiveness!

Recently, I encountered a Christian psychologist who met with me after some difficult news had just been delivered. He immediately went to a discussion of “forgiveness,” and the news wasn’t even an hour old! I was still in shock.

I had to explain to him that a discussion about forgiveness was premature at this moment.

Grief always needs to precede forgiveness as we have to see our losses and acknowledge the injustices before we can forgive them.

This leads me to a frustration I have with some Christian mental health providers:

I find it funny that pastors and chaplains are supposed to refer out to mental health providers for difficult mental health situations. However, like this particular psychologist, some mental health providers feel entitled to counsel on a matter that is truly theological in its essence–namely, forgiveness.

While forgiveness certainly has a mental health impact, it is a deeply theological matter. It raises questions about sins committed by us and against us. Often times, God is invoked in the discussion as well.

Forgiveness as a topic is not primarily a mental health topic; rather, it is a theological one.

Which professional is equipped then for such discussions? Pastors and other clergy members.

Remember:

Psychologists do not go to school to learn theology. Pastors do.

Now, I understand some pastors have a faulty understanding of forgiveness as well. Plenty of us, faithful spouses, have encountered those types. And some psychologists have done duel training in both psychology and seminary.

However, my point is the professions are different, and the proper setting for a forgiveness discussion is in the office of a clergy member.