An Ephesians 5 Husband - Part 2
“Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to
make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to
present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any
other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love
their wives as their own bodies. He who
loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he
feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– for we are members of
his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united
to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:25-31)
Husbands, today we finish up with the second part of this study on what it means to be an Ephesians 5 husband. Last week, we talked about what it means to love your wife unconditionally, and sacrificially just as Christ loved the church. So now let’s finish up with verses 26-30.
The third way in which we husbands
are to love our wives is found in verses
26-27, “…that
He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the
word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no
spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless..”
The
great love of Christ for the church, His bride, is shown as an example to
Christian husbands. Christ gave Himself
for the church. His object was to sanctify it; to make it holy.
How
does this relate to us as Christian husbands? We are to love our wives in such a manner that
we will do nothing to bring shame on them, nor damage their reputation. We will protect our wives in every way;
always looking out for her best interests. Too many men today are more interested in their
jobs, sports, or hobbies to properly love their wives. The man who loves his wife like Christ loves
the church will not lead her into sin, but will try to help her grow in Christ.
He will encourage her to live for Jesus,
just as he should also live for Jesus.
True love wants only the absolute
best for the one it loves. True love
cannot bear for a loved one to be corrupted or misled by anything evil or
harmful. When a husband loves his wife
like Christ loves the church, he will give himself to her that she might become
“holy and blameless.”
“…just as He chose us in Him before
the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him.”
Ephesians 1:4)
And finally, the fourth way we are
to love our wives is found in verse 28-30, “So husbands ought also to love
their own wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his own wife loves himself; or no one ever hated his own flesh, but
nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are
members of His body.”
A
believing husband, understanding the profound truth that marriage exists first
of all for God’s purpose, and to be a picture of Christ and the church, will
understand that he is united by God, permanently and inseparably, to his wife. Therefore, he is, to love her even as Christ
loves His church.
How does a husband actually do this? As Christ nurtures and cherishes His church,
so you are to nurture and cherish your wife by having a conscious purpose to
develop your wife emotionally and spiritually before God. You are to love your wife, everything that makes
her a wife, her whole being. She is not
just your wife in physical terms or in terms of her spiritual state. You are to love your wife in everything that
makes her a whole being created by God.
This is in very specific ways. You are called by God to lead your wife in a
conscious effort to assist in her spiritual development. Now, admittedly, a wife will answer to God for
the state of her soul. No wife will be
able to hide behind husband for her failures toward God. Romans 14:12 says, “So
then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.” But every husband has the special responsibility
towards his wife because God has constituted him as the head of his wife. I know many of you enjoy quoting the verse in Ephesians
5:23 that says, “For the husband is the head of the
wife.” But with that verse comes great
responsibility.
Husband, do you daily and specifically pray for your wife? If you do not, you are not nurturing and
cherishing her as the Lord does the church. For prayer is one of the main ways by which
God causes His children to grow. So, as
her husband, you are to bring her before the throne of grace. You are appointed by God to pray for her. Do you, daily, pray for her and with her? It is amazing how many men do not pray with
their wives. They eat with them. They live with them. They do many things with them. But what about the most intimate bond of
spiritual union, prayer? It is as a man
earnestly prays with his wife that she enters with him into the presence of
God. There she learns to pray as she
hears you pray for His blessing upon the household, upon the children, upon the
church, and upon her. There she learns
intercessory prayer from her head, her husband.
Now, do you, as often as possible, study and discuss God’s Word
with her? Do you read the Scriptures
with her? If not, you have no excuse. You cannot say, “I’m not very knowledgeable”
or “I’m shy “or “I don’t have time.” God
tells us that we are to nurture and cherish our wives. What better way to accomplish this than, as
her husband, to lead her in prayer and in the study of God’s Word?
But
there is more. You don’t get off that
easy. There is also the emotional and
physical well-being of your wife. That
is your calling from God, too. He tells
us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and
petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of
God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds
in Christ Jesus.” The Word of God also says
in Isaiah 26:3, “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you.” So, husband, do
you seek to shield your wife from unnecessary emotional pressure? Do you seek to guard her from those things to
which she is especially vulnerable?
Listen to the words of the Apostle Peter, “Husbands, in the same
way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as
the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that
nothing will hinder your prayers.” (I Peter 3:7) This
means that you must make a conscious effort to assist her emotionally in all
the demands of her time, as well as physically. We nurture our wives by having a concern for
her total good, spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
But it gets even more interesting. A husband’s nurturing and cherishing of his
wife is performed by the conscious development of the marital relationship of
husband and wife. Let’s look at the
biblical pattern for this. Who took the
initiative in the union of Christ and the church? Do we? Does
the church seek Christ first? No! And who continues to sustain the relationship
of the church to Christ? Do we? No, Christ does by His continual intercession
and Spirit.
The Scriptures tell us that, “He is the image of the invisible
God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created:
things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers
or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is
before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of
the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the
dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.” (Colossians 1:15-18) Our Lord takes the initiative, for it is by
grace. And our Lord sustains the union,
for it is by His faithfulness. That is
how the Lord nurtures and cherishes the church.
Husbands, you are responsible to work for the good of your
marriage. You are responsible to maintain
and nurture your marital relationship. You
may not ignore the problems and you may not withdraw in your self-pity. You are responsible. So, take time to communicate with her about what
is going on in each of your lives, and even in the life of your community. We
will be looking more in-depth about marital communication in another blog post
later on, but I just wanted you to begin thinking about this very critical
topic. Talk with her. Tell her what is on your heart, your
frustrations, your work, and your aspirations. Sit down and talk with her, calmly and
respectfully, about areas of misunderstanding and tension in your marriage. Talk to her about her duties in the home, her
weaknesses, her struggles and hardships. Then you are to live with her according to
that knowledge, honoring her as the weaker vessel, taking her into
consideration.
Do you consult with her about her feelings on matters of the
household and mutual life of the family? Or do you simply say, “I’m the head.” Is that the approach you take? Yes, you are
the head, but she is your body.
And you are one together before the Lord.
So, her feelings and her wants are to be important to you, and you are to see
them as the feelings and wants of your own body. Husbands, nurture and cherish your wife.
Also,
you must remember that when talking to her, words hurt. Words spoken in haste and bitterness can wound
for weeks and crush a wife’s spirit. Proverbs
15:1 reminds us that, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs
up anger.” So nurture her in the Lord.
Then, in a wonderful way, the promise of God is realized. God’s beautiful grace is seen in you. And more, the union of Christ and the church
becomes seen and glorified in your marriage. That is the goal of your marriage.
Nurture and cherish her. Do
not be distant. Do not refuse to
communicate. Do not plunk yourself down
in from of the television for hours on end without being with her. The cord of
self-love has to be cut if we are to be in marriage. It has to be cut by the grace of God so that
you do not live for yourself, your pride, your pleasure, your lust and self,
but unto God. That is why marriage is
used by God as one way to bring about our sanctification in Christ, because day
after day, there is the call to “Crucify self.” (Galatians 2:20) How we live in the home and with our wives is
the test of our sanctification. Sanctification
is the word which means holy living unto God.
Do you want to know the test for a God-honoring, holy life? It is not found, in your life in the office or
with the guys, or on Sunday as you are fellowshipping in the church. That is not where holiness is found. It is found in your marriage. You can easily bluff anywhere else. It is almost impossible to bluff in the home. And to be to be this kind of a husband we have
need to be before God daily in prayer. For
it is by His grace, through searching the Scriptures, and according to the
faithfulness of Christ, that our marriages become havens of rest, and a shining
example of Christ’s love for the church to our children and to the world around
us. And God is glorified.
I believe one of the primary reasons
why marriages are falling apart at such an alarming rate is because husbands
are failing to fulfill their scriptural duties to their wives. The
apostle Paul sums up a husband’s responsibility to his wife in four words,
“Husbands, love your wives” (Ephesians 5:25). Husbands, if we concentrate on loving our
wives just as Christ loved the church, God will transform our marriages.
As a result, He will then transform our families, our churches, and yes, even
our nation.
That completes our discussion on Ephesians 5 for husbands. I pray you were able to learn something from this. Wives, next week will be your turn. In the meantime, please be in prayer that God will use this to rebuild and strengthen your marriages for God’s glory and honor.
If you feel this discussion has been useful, please pass this on to your friends who may be struggling in their marriages. And
if you have any questions or comments, or suggestions for a topic, I would love to hear from you in
the comment section below. See you next week, and May God bless you!
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