Author Tricia Thornton's 'Beyond Blessed Parenting' a Practical Guide Every Parent Should Read

Tricia Thornton | Photo image courtesy TriciaThornton.com
Nashville-based therapist Tricia Thornton came to the country’s attention in 2023 when she counseled grieving children and their families following the tragic Covenant School shooting.

An emerging figure in the world of child and family therapy, Thornton combines psychological and neuroscience research with spiritual guidance to address many of the mental health issues that parents are facing as they raise their children in today’s unforgiving world.

In a follow up to her debut book, Thornton has released Beyond Blessed Parenting, a practical guide for parents who want nothing more than to raise their children to be morally productive, faith-inspired adults. In the book’s 192 pages, Thornton, a parent of two, provides valuable insight and faith-fueled guidance on troubling topics ranging from fear to anxiety to dealing with trauma.

I recently sat down with Thornton to discuss the most critical challenge facing parents today, understanding the brain’s role in making an authentic connection with our children, and why it is so vital to stay connected to God in the most challenging of circumstances.

For every author, there always seems to be a moment where you say to yourself, “I have to write this book! It is non-negotiable!!” For Beyond Blessed Parenting, what was that moment for you?

It's probably been building my whole life as a parent. And my first book, Blessing from Fear, kind of bled into this book. But as a young parent, I found that I was doing exactly what the young parents come in to see me for. I was running, running, running, and just chasing my tail. I felt that everything was spinning. I wasn't in balance, I wasn't in connection with myself, with God, with my husband, and therefore with my children. So it was born from my own experience. And then countless hours of sitting on this chair with couples on that blue couch and watching them in tears certainly solidified matters. I didn't have a choice but to write this book. And then working with families, going through horrific trauma, loss, tragic events, divorce, and natural disasters, I just felt like right now in our world, we are desperately searching for ways to parent and shepherd our children’s busyness performance, the trap of performance, the trap of comparison, and feeling like they just don't literally have enough hours in the day to do everything.

What is the most critical challenge facing parents today?

The cost of everything going up. And then feeling this immense amount of pressure to keep up and to financially provide. I think it is just this perfect storm of issues. And then, I think what's happening is they are pouring themselves into their children and putting themselves on the back burner. There is a reason why the airlines say for us to put on our oxygen mask first and then our children. If we're passed out, we cannot help our child. And it's the same emotionally and even physically in life because we know that emotions are tied to our bodies. This might surprise you, but the very first answer I give you is they have to help themselves.

What is the most important thing a parent can do to help their child?

To parent themselves. So, then they will feel the freedom to then be able to be present, emotionally there, and show up for their children. We know neurologically that our brain connects with our child's brain to give them emotional safety and to communicate that. So, if we're not in a somewhat grounded, balanced place, then we're not going to be able to connect with our children.

Why is it essential for parents to connect with God first, then themselves, their partner, and then their children?

From a framework of Christian faith, and even someone who's not believing in Christ, just having something bigger than them that they feel that they can lean on and gain direction from is life-giving. It's freedom. It takes some of the pressure off. It doesn't necessarily mean that we're not going to have trials and that we're going to have horrible tribulations. That is all through the Bible and just the reality of life on this side of heaven. But I personally feel that if I don't have that ultimate grounding place to land, which is my faith in God, none of the other connections will be able to authentically occur.

Shifting gears, in the book you also write about something called Authentic Connection. For those of us who don't really quite connect with that term, what do you mean by that?

This is where the framework of the cross of connection came into play. If we are going to authentically connect, what does that mean to me? That means that I am present and attuned with the person. Now, this is very interesting. You can be attuned with someone and not be present, but can it be the other way around? So, what is interesting is they go hand in hand. In order to be fully present, you have to be attuned with them, and you have to be within yourself. So that's where all of it came together. As I was coming up with the title, I typically write my books and I don't have a title until the very end. The manuscript was literally written and I called my publisher and said, I'm really struggling with the title. And my editor suggested Beyond Blessed Parenting. I remember very vividly, I called him the day I literally hand wrote the last word, and I immediately picked up the phone and said, it's done. And my quote was, ‘I am beyond blessed, it's done.’ And he says, there's your title.

Why do you often talk about the importance of understanding the brain's role in connection?

I just think it's the most fascinating piece of our body that God gave us. The intricacies of it are amazing. It is the central hub of our bodies. Our bodies can't function without it. Literally, biologically. I just think it's amazing and it's incredible how the child's brain works. And when a child can grasp that I can control my response, or my reaction, it's life-giving to them. It is the same with a parent. When a parent has a whole brain perspective, then that means they actually have a connection. Dan Siegel is someone who I've been trained by in his interpersonal neurobiology course. I've also admired his work. And he has a term called “mindsight”. And so when you can kind of see the mind and what's happening in your child's mind, it opens up the door to you realizing that there is actually a message behind every behavior, every eye roll, and every shrug of the shoulder.

At the top of our conversation, you suggested that the most critical challenge facing parents today is busyness. That leads me to ask you, how do you balance being a working parent, and staying connected to God?

I love the idea of small doses, sprinkling it in throughout your day. I am one who starts my day off in prayer, but I have a running dialogue with God throughout the day. And I am just kind of in constant conversation and prayer all day long. Some of that could be chatter, but I see it as a calming friendship, a running relationship with God. And for me, if I can sprinkle in doses of and prioritize self-care, then I'm able to balance it more. If we all had the luxury of going for a spa day, that’s wonderful. But we don't. So, what are ways you can sprinkle in five to 10 minutes of silence? Can a parent on the way to pick up their child at soccer practice, take five minutes of silence? Can they walk around their building if it's pouring rain inside the office building for five minutes and just be still and be in silence? This means your brain is being still. You will be amazed at how those small moments can make a large difference in how you approach everything in life.

After people have had a chance to read Beyond Blessed Parenting, what would you like your readers to get out of the experience? What is your greatest hope for the book?

My hope is that people would feel empowered, free, and encouraged. I would love it if people would have more hope. My goal would be that they would have some fun reading this book. I hope they laugh. Some of the stories in my book are very entertaining. I want them to feel like they are sitting in the space of each character. Every principle in the book is built around a certain character in their life. I think I made the characters as easy to relate to as possible. My hope is that they will feel like I am talking directly to them. I hope they will grow deeper in their life with Christ. That would be my number one prayer. And it would be wonderful if they could feel more freedom to connect with themselves. Then that their marriages will be renewed, so then they can then go and connect with their children. That is my greatest hope.

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