Conversations With Jesus: A Family in Grief

Now a certain man was ill, Lazarus of Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was ill. So the sisters sent to him, saying, “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” But when Jesus heard it he said, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”

Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was. Then after this he said to the disciples, “Let us go to Judea again.” The disciples said to him, “Rabbi, the Jews were just now seeking to stone you, and are you going there again?” Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.” After saying these things, he said to them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awaken him.” The disciples said to him, “Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover.” Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that he meant taking rest in sleep. Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” So Thomas, called the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

Now when Jesus came, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb four days. Bethany was near Jerusalem, about two miles off, and many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them concerning their brother. So when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went and met him, but Mary remained seated in the house. Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha said to him, “I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” She said to him, “Yes, Lord; I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who is coming into the world.”

When she had said this, she went and called her sister Mary, saying in private, “The Teacher is here and is calling for you.” And when she heard it, she rose quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet come into the village, but was still in the place where Martha had met him. When the Jews who were with her in the house, consoling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there. Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept. So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?”

Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.” When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go (John 11:1-44).

There is nothing that grieves the heart of a person more than the death of a loved one. When someone we love dies, it leaves a hole in our heart that never truly goes away this side of eternity. Even Jesus felt that grief, as we will see in this encounter. As we’ll also mention later, Jesus knows our pain because He has felt it.

Context

Like many of the previous encounters, there is no specific time frame given by John. However, in verse 55 John mentions the Passover is “close at hand,” so we can infer from that this this event took place shortly beforehand. It would be Jesus’ last and most powerful sign given (apart from His own Resurrection).

The family of Lazarus, Mary, and Martha lived in Bethany. It can be supposed that they were a well-known family because of the number of people that turned out for the time of mourning. John notes that this Mary was the one who would anoint Jesus’ feet with oil and wiped them with her hair. Finally, we can infer that the family was close to Jesus, based on the comments in verse 5, “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” Though Jesus loves everyone, John does not include such details arbitrarily,.

The Illness and Death of Lazarus

While Jesus is in Perea (having withdrawn from Judea), Lazarus falls ill. Perea being reasonably close to Bethany, the sisters send word to Jesus “The one You love is sick.” The clear implication is that Jesus should heal Lazarus. It’s what we would expect from someone who is a close friend and has that ability. But, look at what John says, “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was” (vv. 5-6, emphasis mine).

Did you catch that? The sense of the verse is that because Jesus loved the family, He stayed two extra days! Now, why would someone who loved Lazarus do that? The answer is found in the previous verse, where Jesus says, “This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” He was going to use this to display God’s glory–just not in the way we might expect. After two days, Jesus tells His disciples that He is going back into Judea. The disciples are, to say the least, shocked. “Rabbi, the Jews were just now seeking to stone you, and are you going there again?” (I can easily imagine Peter having this discussion with Jesus!)

He reminds them that He was there to do the work of the Father, and that His time was running out. Then He tells them the real reason He is returning: “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; I am going to wake him up.” The disciples obviously don’t understand this. They knew Lazarus was sick, so their natural response is, “Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover.” Let the man sleep, Jesus, so he will get well.

Of course Jesus is talking about Lazarus’ death, not just sleep (Paul uses the same idea in 1 Cor. 11:30, KJV, NIV). He tells them plainly that Lazarus has died, then adds, “And for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe.”

Comforting the Family

Jesus and the disciples thus return to Bethany. Once they get there, they discover that Lazarus has already been dead four days. (This is an important detail because the eliminates the possibility that Lazarus was not really dead or that any sort of trickery was used.) Martha hears that Jesus is coming and she runs out to meet Him. We are not told why Mary didn’t accompany her to meet Jesus. However, her attitude can be deduced from verse 32, where she falls at His feet; clearly she is overcome with grief, and perhaps some resentment.

Martha, in her own grief, blurts out, “If only you had been here! Then my brother would not have died” (v. 21). But then, she seems to calm: “Even now, though, I know that God will give you whatever You ask of Him” (v. 22). The implication, of course, is that Jesus should ask for Lazarus to be restored. Seeming to ignore the implied request, Jesus engages her in a dialogue, starting with an assertion that Lazarus would rise again.

Martha admits this to be true, with perhaps a touch of frustration and impatience: “Yes, I know that!! He will rise again–in the resurrection at the Last Day…. but that is not soon enough for me! I want him back now!” Jesus, however, turns the conversation around to Himself, proclaiming that He is the very Resurrection and the Life (i.e., the Source of all true life). Though one who believes in Him may die (i.e. “fall asleep), he will live and never die.

Martha acknowledges His words and her faith shows through in her profession that He is the Messiah, the Son of God (v. 27). With a new understanding (it seems), she returns to the house and calls Mary aside, and tells her that Jesus is nearby and wants to see her. Mary leaves the house abruptly–so much so that the people think she must be overcome with grief and is going to the tomb to mourn. Instead, she runs to Jesus, who had remained where Mary had met Him.

Mary utters the same words as Martha upon seeing Jesus, yet with some subtle differences. First, she called Him “Lord,” whereas there is no record of Martha doing so until the end of the conversation. Second, John records that Mary “fell at His feet.” The tone suggests both grief and worship, perhaps the same type of crying out that Job experienced during His own agony. Unlike Martha, who seems to have reacted somewhat coldly to Jesus, Mary is not engaged in conversation. Instead, Jesus is moved by her weeping and the weeping of those who have come with her. John writes that Jesus “groaned” in the spirit, and deeply troubled (v. 33). He simply asks, “Where did you bury him?” He is invited to see the tomb and then, John records the shortest verse in the English Bible: “Jesus wept.”

On a side note, it should be pointed out that the words John uses for Jesus’ weeping and the weeping of Mary and the Jews are different. Jesus “wept” (Greek dakruon), suggesting sadness at the pain he sees around Him. Mary and the Jews “were mourning” (Greek klaiō, indicating “mourning for the dead”).

The Son’s Glory Displayed

Jesus commands that stone should be removed. Martha objects, both because of the odor and probably at the idea of exposing a dead body–some would fear ritual defilement. However, this act will serve as an act of faith for what is about to happen. As with His first miracle, turning the water to wine, He allows man to do what man can do, and then does what only He can do. He reminds Martha that through her belief she would see the glory of God, and she acquiesces.

Jesus prays to the Father audibly, so that the people around Him will have a point of contact. There is no record of Him praying to the Father verbally, but no doubt He is in constant communication with the Father, as He consistently maintains that He does only what the Father wills. After thanking the Father for hearing Him, Jesus calls out loudly, “Lazarus! Come out!” He had previously stated that a time would come when the dead would hear the Son call and come out of the tomb, and this was a demonstration of His words (5:28). Lazarus appears at the entrance still bound in grave clothes, and Jesus tells the people to unbind him and let him go.

Takeaways from the Passage

While we must never forget that this was an actual event in the life of Jesus and should not over-spiritualize or analogize it, there is one striking spiritual parallel. When one is born again (John 3), his spirit is made alive. Yet, it is also necessary to remove the “grave clothes,” meaning the old ways of thinking, and “throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles” (Heb. 12:1, NIV). Failure to do that will mean that a believer will continue to stumble, whereas he was saved that he might be free.

Had Jesus immediately intervened and healed the sickness, much would have been missed. Not only the “teachable moment” with Martha, but also the display of Jesus’ utter humanity as He wept openly, reminding us that He has experienced the same types of loss that we have, and thus can sympathize with us as our High Priest (Heb. 4:15). Jesus did love His three close friends, but He loved them so much that He wanted to give them the best, not just “good.” This is what He wants for all of us–His best.

[Some of the material in this post has been adapted from my commentary That You May Believe: A Commentary on John, available here.]