Created to Complement: A Biblical View of Women’s Roles in Home, part 2

By Elizabeth Prata

In part 1 I looked at the historical context that brought female Christians to a place these days where the waters of complementarianism have been so muddied that women are now confused as to the true definitions of and limits of our roles as wives and mothers.

SUMMARY

The article today explains biblical complementarianism, teaching that men and women are equal before God but have distinct roles. Men lead in the home and church, while women are called to help, submit, and prioritize motherhood and homemaking. Working outside the home is not biblically forbidden if it doesn’t detract from family responsibilities, something each couple decides depending on their season of life.

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What is Complementarianism?

Complementarianism as a word is not in the Bible, but the concept is. It generally means that the Bible is clear that there are two and only two genders, male and female. (Genesis 1:27). It is also clear that men and women are equal in His eyes, but we are made for different purposes and have different roles in His kingdom. Masculinity and femininity exist, are ordained by God and have a purpose.

In Genesis 2:15 God placed Adam whom He had created into the Garden to work it and cultivate it. Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18).

So God formed the beasts of the field and the birds of the sky to see what Adam would name them. In all that, no suitable helper for Adam was found. However, naming was not the only purpose in this animal parade exercise.

“It is important to note that God’s purpose in parading all the animals before Adam was not merely so that he would give them names. It was also to reinforce the fact that he was different in kind from the rest of creation, so that none of these animals could ever serve as a physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual companion. So God made from Adam’s rib a companion who was suitable (Genesis 2:21–24)”. Source AIG.com.

Thus, woman was made from man, was a part of man, and is uniquely qualified in our humanity to be the complement to the man. This is where complementarianism gets its name. Women are the only suitable helper for the man. It is the purpose for which we are made. We are helpmeet.

God ordained that the man have the leadership role at home and in the church.

In the church, the Bible says that women may not preach or have authority over the man. Men are the leaders within the ecclesiastical confines of the church. Women are not to usurp or have scriptural authority over men in the church or outside. 1 Timothy 2:11—3:7, Titus 2:2–6 are the go-to verses here.

In the home, husbands are to lead their wives and children, sacrificially, lovingly, but lead. Ephesians 5:21–33 is the go-to set of verses here. Wives are to help the husband. Wives are an equal partner, but in the end wives to submit to husband’s authority humbly and respectfully. If the Lord blesses the marriage with children, her primary role is to raise them in the admonition of the Lord. (1 Timothy 5:14, Proverbs 6:20).

‘Submission’ is not a dirty word. Employees submit to bosses. Defendants submit to Judges. Children submit to parents. Husbands (and everyone else) submit to Jesus. Church members submit to the Elders. Jesus submitted to God. If submission to God’s authority was good enough for Jesus, it should be for us, too.

Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24).

Therefore, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, have different priorities. Dads provide for and protect the family. Moms raise the children and tend the garden of their household, helping the husband leader. This is the ideal scenario and the one that God blesses most highly.

She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She watches over the activities of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. (Proverbs 31:26-27).

Can wives/mothers work a side-job inside the home? Outside the home? Have a full-time career?

Can Christian wives work outside the home? Is it OK for wives and/or mothers to have a career? These are actually two different questions.

Anna was a widow who was single for most of her life, apparently losing her husband early on. She dedicated herself to teaching in the temple. Priscilla, married to Aquila, was employed in the trade of tentmaking. (Acts 18:3). Lydia ran a business, and apparently made enough income to have a large home to host the church and to have servants. No husband is mentioned. We don’t know if she was single or widowed. But when she was baptized the verse says ‘she and her household.’ (Acts 16:15).

So, married or widowed, there are examples of New Testament women who worked. Old Testament women worked too. Shiphrah and Puah and other Midwives had a profession, Sheerah was a builder, and Rachel was a shepherdess.

In our day, some Christian women who were single but get married continue to work for a time, a decision made between the husband and the wife. As long as the husband is satisfied with his wife’s attention to the home, choosing for the wife to continue to work outside the home is between them and their conscience.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24).

Each couple’s thought process is different and their reasons for the wife working outside the home also differ from couple to couple.

Christian couples may have godly goals for their dual income where a wife contributes financially to their situation; such as saving for college, seminary, paying off a debt, saving for a home, paying for elder care of a parent, car or home repairs, etc. The situation may be temporary, not permanent, with an end date when their goal is reached. Onlookers are not privy to their reasons nor the level of thehusband’s satisfaction or dissatisfaction with the wife working outside the home.

As long as they are mutually dedicated to each other in submission to Jesus, a wife working outside the home may have reasonable reasons mutually arrived at with the husband. Don’t judge based on surface assumptions.

What about when children come along?

When a Christian husband and wife have children, things change. How well you know it, right?! Priorities change. Now the couple is dedicated to an expanded family unit and they prioritize the child’s well being above all. Is it better for the child to be raised by two married parents, one a woman and the other a man? Yes. Is it better for the mother to stay home and tend to the children as a full-time mother? Yes.

So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, and manage their own households. (1 Timothy 5:14). ALso Titus 2:4-5.

Motherhood is a career God strongly prefers women to have, if He blesses them with children. It is highly difficult for a mother to devote attention to raising children, maintaining a household AND have a career outside. Having two careers means something suffers, and it’s usually the kids.

Mothers profoundly influence their children. They shape their child’s entire outlook and form who they will be as adults. With the father out working 8-10 hours a day, the mom remaining at home with her children is critically important. If you can manage it, it is best if the wife turns her full attention to motherhood. This is where the couple may need to take a literal leap of faith that God will bless their decision and will provide for them.

What about in-home side jobs?

With the advent of making income via digital means, more and more moms are turning to side jobs as a source of income. Doing so is fine of a mom can manage it. The Proverbs 31 wife did. However it is also fraught with attention-splitting dangers. As the side business picks up, will the mom be able to manage the scaling of it without making a dent in her main priority of motherhood? If the speaking engagements come along and she knows they are impacting the family, will she have the courage to decline? Or does she have too much pride and ambition to accept?

For example, Diana Stone used to write for She Reads Truth and many other outlets. She said in 2014 on her blog, “For the past two and a half years, we’ve had a part time nanny care for our daughter in our home so I could work (I’m a freelance writer).”

They went through a couple of nannies and then Stone decided to put her young toddler daughter in daycare. Stone wrote about missing a class party she and her daughter had talked about all week, or her daughter missing out on activities because mom didn’t pack the right clothes or shoes, and the fact that her daughter had been “a lot more sick.” She wrote, “There’s a constant tug on me to be in both worlds 100%. Work should come first. Life should come first. What is a priority? Who gets my time that day – and is choosing one over the other wrong? When I’ve committed to being a mama and being paid to write, both need my top priority.”

Motherhood is the priority. Motherhood IS life. Though Stone was lauded for being “authentic” and “transparent”, public anguish over her writing career fuel the confusion over just what complementarianism is. She complemented own ambition vs children, not her husband and her household. The wife is helper to the husband, and maintains a priority focus on the home, not her own ambitions and side jobs.

In another example, Beth Moore said in an interview as her Living Proof National conferences got popular that ‘her man demanded a normal life and he got one’. Yet The Atlantic’s lengthy story on her stated flatly that Moore is “obsessively focused on writing”, traveled so much when her children were little that her children “ate a lot of takeout”, and that her husband picked up home duties. They mention her “publishing career” and her “writing career”, but not her ‘mothering career’. Mr. Moore admitted his vocation was supporting Beth to succeed with her vocation- which we understand is Living Proof corp.

What these influencers say and what they do must match up. Be wise and discerning to watch for their doctrine AND their life.

For better or worse, mothers are the makers of men; they are the architects of the next generation. That’s why the goal of becoming a godly mother is the highest and most noble pursuit of womanhood. ~John MacArthur

For a biblical women submissive to her designated role, her ambition should be wifehood/motherhood, her priority should be to complement the husband by adhering to her home duties as the priority. Nothing should compete with that, but her tasks should complement, as in, fit into without detracting from something else.

Yes, digital media has given us the opportunity to do side jobs such as podcasting from home, writing, editing, crafting as a vendor for local festivals, etc which are fine. Nothing in the Bible forbids women from making a side income to supplement the household. The Proverbs 31 woman did. Yet a careful read of that Proverb shows that the Proverbs 31 wife & mother did everything for the home. The Author wrote that she looks WELL to the ways of her household. (Proverbs 31:27).

Conclusion

1. A complementary lifestyle for a married Christian wife and mother is one that prioritizes the needs of her household and the people within it. Her activities complement the home.

2. Making income may look different for different couples for different reasons, and we should not bind our or their conscience by making assumptions. When the facts speak, then we can come to conclusions and go forward with making decisions about that person or situation, like I did with Stone and Moore. In another example, I made a decision about Priscilla Shirer when a 2010 NY Times news article quoted her homelife where the husband drops the kids off to school, spends his day at his office maintaining his wife’s career, picks the children up after school, and shares housewife chores, in order to support his wife’s speaking career.

3. Accepting a public influencer wife or mom’s statements at face value is undiscerning. As shown, people present the best of themselves publicly, and sometimes it is a shaded truth, a partial truth, and sometimes it is an outright lie.

4. Do not listen to influencers who claim Bible knowledge and make unilateral, dogmatic statements about women working either inside or outside the home. Legalism has no place in any discussion. As stated, unless the facts are clear, such as Stone’s public writing that she was torn between motherhood and her other career and unsure of what her priority was, don’t speculate.

I know the days are long when you’re in the throes of child rearing, or simply adjusting to being a wife early in marriage. But the years are short. They fly by. Motherhood may not feel fulfilling when you’re changing yet another diaper, or wandering around like a zombie at 2am holding a crying baby, but dedicating yourself to the home is pleasing to God. And that’s what matters. These temporary ambitions of speaking or publishing or podcasting or growing a business are just that, temporary. And to be honest, they’re trifling, compared to the heart of a child. What’s eternal is God’s approval over your obedience to prioritize helping the husband and keeping the home.

Further Resources

GotQuestions: What is Complementarianism?

From Revive our Hearts, Heather Cofer writes about mission drift as a mom and re-orienting her priority to rectify: “This passage reminded me what God’s priorities are for me as a young wife and mom: love my husband, love my children, keep my home. … When we take God at His Word—that it is most valuable and rewarding to follow His priorities for our lives over what we feel—we discover just how perfect and good His ways truly are.” Essay here: “A Mama in Ministry: Embracing God’s Priorities

In 2021 Beth Moore claimed Complementarianism was a “doctrine of man”, and begged the pulic to accept her apology for having believed in it. But IS it a “doctrine of man”? No. Here is the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood to explain.

Is Complementarianism a Man-Made Doctrine? By Denny Burk. “The claim that complementarianism is a man-made doctrinal innovation is a myth. The word “complementarianism” is indeed a relatively new term. But it is a new term coined to refer to an ancient teaching that is rooted in the text of Scripture. On the contrary, egalitarianism is the doctrinal innovation…“