As I prayed through our theme for the annual women’s retreat this year, my first thought was “Walking with the Shepherd”. My second thought was, “How stupid is that—how many people have done Psalm 23, sheep, shepherd, the whole thing. Been there, done that.” The voice of criticism and accusation came quickly, and I almost scrapped the whole thing because of it.

Insecurity and doubt are companions of mine quite frequently, especially when it comes to creativity and leadership. I think of all the people who could do such a better job at whatever it is than I could, all the work that will go into the thing and how inadequate I am for it, or how no one should ever follow me anywhere because I’m lost most of the time anyway!

But then, Jesus faithfully reminds me that we aren’t relying on my ability, but His. He works well through my uniqueness when it is surrendered to Him and the power He brings to the situation. When I first started counseling again after my mentor Mike Wells died, the first thing anyone said in sitting down with me was how they wished it was Mike sitting there and not me. My response inside my heart was, “You and me both!” I felt there was no chance of being the counselor or discipler that the person needed because I was not Mike.

What God has shown me several years down the road is that I was never supposed to be Mike. I’m supposed to be me, and Jesus loves bringing fruit out of my life. My fruit might look a little different, but it is still a result of life-union with Jesus, or abiding on the Vine. The fruit in the lives of those whom I respect the most are all a result of Christ’s Life pouring out of them through their unique personhood.

I think sometimes we are sure we must be exactly like another person we have met, when God never calls us to try to look like another person. He calls us to Himself, to live joining our lives in intimacy with Him. The fruit of the Spirit is a result of intimacy, not copying or trying really hard. As we grow deeper in relationship with God, fruit is a natural byproduct.

Have you ever noticed that insecurity is just obsession with ourselves in a negative way? We pick apart all the things we lack, all the ways we fail and all the stupid things we have done, leaving ourselves hopeless and discouraged. Obsession with ourselves is never a good thing, and bores us out of our minds. I am so incredibly boring when I can’t think of anything else other than how much I stink at life. We need a change of focus!

That change of focus, looking to Jesus for all our needs and for deepening relationship and intimacy, allows the rest to fade into the background, and it’s so much more fun!

I want to change my focus, leaving all the rest including self-criticism, pride, feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, arrogance—any end of the spectrum that is just another version of obsessing on self. I want to surrender all of this to God, allowing my unique person to be filled, empowered and overflowing with His ability. The result is peace, hope and encouragement for each day and the future.

I admit that I haven’t yet acquired the absolute fullness that I’m pursuing, but I run with passion into his abundance so that I may reach the purpose for which Christ Jesus laid hold of me to make me his own. I don’t depend on my own strength to accomplish this; however, I do have one compelling focus: I forget all of the past as I fasten my heart to the future instead. I run straight for the divine invitation of reaching the heavenly goal and gaining the victory-prize through the anointing of Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14