Do You Care Enough to Confront? A Surprise Side of Love in Leviticus 19
“Hi Abigail. I’m disappointed. I thought you said we would… but you changed the plan. I wanted to share my thoughts.”
My heart sank. Like most of you, I don’t like conflict. Confrontation is uncomfortable. It doesn’t feel good to expose faults or have them exposed.
It would have been easy for Sage to nurse a grudge and walk away.
It takes courage to confront. It is strong love, not hate, to communicate.
Sage leaned in and reached out.
So I called Sage. We talked. She asked why. I explained. She told her side. I heard her hurt—and I felt her love.
Sage emailed me the next day: “It was good to talk to you one on one. I appreciate everything you shared and I understand where you are coming from.”
Love, Don’t Hate: Reason Frankly
This aspect of loving our neighbor, this “reasoning frankly,” isn’t done enough.
Yes, I said loving our neighbor. Because I have been reading Leviticus lately. I’m learning that sometimes love demands rebuke. I see that in Levitucus 19:17-18:
“You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely reason frankly with [rebuke] your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him.
You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.”
You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely reason frankly. Who even uses the word “frankly”? It means “in an open, honest, direct manner”—just how Sage came to me. Frankly, directly, in love. So her heart wouldn’t hate.
So reason frankly. Rebuke if you must. But don’t hold a grudge. That’s my love challenge this month of love.
How Does This Love Look?
Well, it looked like Sage’s email to me. She prayed before she wrote, and she was still upset by what I’d said.
Not sure if you should confront your sister or brother? No matter how you slice it, correction is hard. And if it isn’t hard, you probably shouldn’t do it.
Over the years, I’ve come to this “confrontation protocol.” If:
1. I’ve already tried to overlook (Proverbs 19:11) and to be patient and tolerate (Ephesians 4:2) and
2. I’ve prayed for the person who’s sinned against me, and for my pure heart, and
3. I still feel wronged and am not at peace, then it’s go time.
Go, reason frankly with your “neighbor.” Don’t hate in your heart. Go rebuke. Which is to say, go show love.
Don’t Be Nice. Love Instead.
Confrontation is not nice, if nice means “pleasant and agreeable.” But Scripture is clear and, for the record, the word “nice” is not found in my Bible.
But Leviticus 19 is clear: taking vengeance and nursing grudges are not loving your brother. Silence and distance might look “nice” but they can be deadly.
It is exactly what King David’s son Absalom did with his half brother Amnon: “And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad, because he hated Amnon for disgracing his sister Tamar” (2 Samuel 13:22).
Then he had his full revenge. You can read about that sadness in 2 Samuel 13:23-29.
Silent Seething, Double Sin
Mold grows in the dark. Wounds fester out of sight. Seething alone in your bubble is double sin. It is a sin not to show your neighbor her wrong so she can correct it, and a sin to let the bitter root of unforgiveness grow in your soul (Hebrews 12:14-15, 2 Corinthians 2:5-11).
I love Matthew Henry’s note, “Friendly reproof is a duty we owe to one another, and we ought both to give it and take it in love.”
Christians should be the least defensive people on the planet. Because the God of the universe has already declared his verdict: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
So reason frankly, and meekly. And receive frank reasoning meekly. (That’s hard too, but another post for another day.) Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (Proverbs 27:5-6). Don’t be passive aggressive. Don’t hate.
Instead, confront, rebuke, and reason frankly. This is to love your neighbor. And yourself.
