Domestic Abuse As Grounds For Divorce? - Divorce Minister

Katy commented on “Resources:”

Hi I found your blog from the CL blog – I love to see evangelicals standing firm and pushing back on the “all divorce is sin” myth that pervades the Body of Christ these days. Just wondering if you also see other forms of domestic abuse as grounds for divorce, not just infidelity? I spent a lot of time at the Crying out For Justice website, because it is the evangelical answer to those of us trapped in domestic abuse (which may not include cheating).

One thing that I heard a lot in my church when I was getting ready to divorce my husband was “God won’t bless you if you sin {divorce your h}” — and I think the antidote to that craziness is your story, mine, and others who have loved God and battled through a horrible marriage. It ends up that God really *does* bless those who mourn, were trampled on, unjustly attacked, betrayed, abused, you name it. God does care, and He does bless us.
Thanks for this blog!!

Katy,

This is a tricky one from a Biblical standpoint. As I have written elsewhere (link here), I have chosen to focus on adultery as an allowable grounds for divorce because I see plenty of Scripture that makes that clear. Plus, it was my personal experience. Furthermore, I believe that if we do not get the clear teachings correct then we are doomed to really miss the ones requiring pastoral wisdom. The situation of domestic abuse and divorce requires pastoral wisdom for sure!

Without over relying upon the Old Testament teachings and Rabbinical interpretation of those passages (which Jesus rejects in Mt 19 for a clearly more restrictive view on staying married), one needs to look to I Corinthians 7. The Apostle Paul writes, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace” (I Corinthians 7:15, NIV).

This is the second grounds for divorce made explicit in the New Testament–namely, the abandonment of an unbelieving spouse. Most compassionate pastors would utilize this exception to deal with domestic abuse. The reasoning is this: 1) Ongoing domestic abuse is an indication that the abuser is not a Christian and 2) The separation caused by the abuse for the safety of the victim fulfills the physical abandonment part noted in the verse.

Obviously, I believe a separation in the case of domestic abuse is a must! Human life is precious to God as we are all made in His image. Separation ought to be taken to preserve life.

The next step to divorce is the trickier step Biblically. If the couple is part of a Biblical church, the elders ought to put the abusive husband/wife under church discipline including an intentional separation for safety reasons. If the abuser does not submit to this discipline, then the door is open to divorce for the faithful spouse according to the I Corinthians 7:15 passage concerning a non-believing spouse abandoning the marriage.

I realize most circumstances do not allow for such a clear intervention by the church elders. And some may not have church leadership courageous enough to enact such tough matters in the face of clear domestic abuse. I am just writing from the perspective of how I could see I Corinthians 7:15 applied today under a functioning and Biblical church. It would take much wisdom to understand how the Scripture applies outside of such circumstances.

Even saying that, I hesitate to lay this out as an option as it is an interpretation of Scripture. As I mentioned at the beginning of my reply, the Bible is not clear in these circumstances. I may have this wrong. But if I am erring, I am erring on the side of mercy towards the innocent party here–i.e. the abuse survivor. Still, it is important that the survivor only takes such a step to divorce an abuser, if he/she is convinced God is leading them to do so from his/her own reading of the Bible. Ultimately, it is the abuse survivor’s decision to make. They have to live with its consequences. That said, I still heartily recommend making such a decision with a few wise and seasoned Christian friends. Healthy community to discern these difficult matters is important and is part of the reason why we need to belong to a God-honoring church, in my opinion.

In addition, I am concerned about our capacity to deceive ourselves in these matters. Is it really abuse or am I trying to get out of my commitment to a difficult relationship with communication issues? As one of my counselors told me, “emotional abuse” means different things to different people. I would not counsel divorce in such cases pastorally unless I saw clear evidence that it was indeed emotional abuse (which can escalate to physical violence as I have been told). Physical abuse is more clean cut. And it is completely unacceptable.

I hope this helps, Katy. In summation, I have to say that I really do not know for sure if domestic abuse is grounds for Biblical divorce. It is not clear. However, what is clear is that God does not want innocent blood shed (Proverbs 6:17) and cares for the vulnerable always (Psalm 82:3-4).

Blessings!

DM