Encouragement is More Than a Drive-By Prayer

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“Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.”
– Proverbs 16:24 (NLT)

I have received lots of platitudes. When I dare share my pain with someone, I have received too often, “Brenda, I know God will meet this need.” Oh really? How do you know? Because I don’t know and I am feeling pretty helpless right now.

What you just did is remove yourself from my pain.

A drive-by prayer is when I share my pain, I see your face, and you have no idea what to say and I also see that you don’t want to even know that this sort of pain exists. So you promise that you will pray for me. But I know you won’t because my pain is too much pain for you.

What you just did is remove yourself from my pain. I’m even more alone in it now.

Mark 9:14-29 tells this story of a father who cared for a son who was tormented by seizures and by a spirit of self-destruction. The boy needed constant watching because he would throw himself into fire or water to self-harm. This father was “on” all of the time to keep his son alive. This father was desperate to save his son and desperate for rest himself. So, he brought the boy to the spiritual leaders for help.

This is how the story opens. We see these spiritual leaders arguing about how to help the boy. Instead of comforting the boy or the father they are spewing their wise words to offer advice and point fingers. They probably offered some platitudes and a drive-by prayer. But they never entered into the pain of the father or the boy. They showed little compassion. Even the disciples of Jesus removed themselves from the pain of the father and the boy by entering into the knowledge debate.

Meanwhile the father is desperate. These spiritual leaders didn’t understand his pain.

Jesus enters the holy church huddle and says, “You faithless people! How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.” (Mark 9:19, NLT)

Yikes. Not what anyone wanted to hear.

But then Jesus turns to the father and shows compassion asking, “How long has this been happening?” (Mark 9:21, NLT)

Finally the father feels heard. Feels seen. Like there might be some hope.

With just that flicker of hope the father cries out, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24, NLT)

Hardly a profound statement. Hardly a bold declaration of faith. Or is it?

We are a mix of fear and faith.

This is exactly how I feel when my heart is smashed. I believe God is for me but right now I believe God has abandoned me.

This is why platitudes don’t touch my pain. This is why drive-by prayers are appreciated (because I do believe prayer changes things) but I am also so overwhelmed in my pain that I don’t see the end of my pain. I am a desperate mess and I need someone to see this mess with me. It really helps me when someone wants to see this mess with me. These people are a gift to me in my broken-hearted season.

Will you see this mess with me? I’m sorry that your life is going to be uncomfortable because my life is broken. I’m sorry that I might trigger some of your trust issues. But I really need you to see me and sit with me for a while and not try to solve what is unsolvable at this moment.

I will never forget you because you made yourself uncomfortable for me. You have joined me in this mix of fear and faith. I’m not alone in it. Maybe you will even say, “me, too.”

I will never forget you.

Questions for Reflection:

1. Have you ever thought that God is for you but somehow has abandoned you? What did you do about it?

2. Take a moment and ask how God might use you to truly come alongside a friend who needs to be encouraged. Then follow through on His leading.