After the Lord had finished speaking to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “I am angry with you and your two friends, for you have not spoken accurately about me….”

-Job 42:7a, NLT

…they were inaccurate about God (and you) just like Job’s friends.

Sometimes this is done out of ignorance: they just have no frame of reference.

But that does not stop them–like Job’s friends–dispensing their “wisdom,” which you “must” accept as pure “gold.”

When they persist spouting ignorance and blaming you for your victimization, they are crossing a line. That is not the behavior of a friend.

It is time to find a new friend and cut this “friend” loose.

Yet it might be easier cutting them out of your life than evicting the condemning voice they left behind in your head.

That voice remains whispering lies destroying your self-esteem and undermining your relationship with God:

-It’s the voice that claims impartiality while blame-shifting this evil upon you.

-It’s the voice that pushes the lie that you “must” tolerate the ongoing infidelity “for the sake of the kids.”

-It’s the voice telling you that you have to be a perfect spouse in order to expect fidelity and the honoring of marriage vows from your partner.

-It’s the voice telling you that God will never forgive you for divorcing a cheater (or being divorced by one.)

The power of a good friend’s words is that they can strengthen us in times when our “knees” are weak. Yet the dark side of that power is that same power can be used by “friends” to stab us in the back with these lies or versions of them.

I am convinced healing from the infidelity and divorce experience includes learning how to see these statements for the lies they are. And when we feel tempted to beat ourselves up with them, we call them out for the lies they are.

We evict the voice of the Accuser from our heads, and cut off access for those who are partnering with him.

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*A version of this post ran previously.