How To Deal Safely With An Ego Fragile Man - Impacting Righteously

It is one thing to have ego. Let’s talk about fragile egos. Whenever dealing with a person with a big, fragile ego, we are dealing with someone who has an unhealthy, elevated sense of self.

In dealing with someone with a fragile ego, one can expect to encounter hypersensitivity (often accompanied by an insensitive attitude toward others), fear, pride, a pompous attitude, defensiveness, entitlement, and other unpleasant traits.

The bigger the ego, the more fragile it tends to be. Some people mistake cockiness resulting from insecurity to be confidence. Depending on how big someone’s ego is, it can even cause them to be a dangerous person.

In today’s post, I am going to talk about ego-driven men who have a fragile masculinity.

I want to talk about these toxic, insecure types, because whether you ladies know it or not, these men are often not safe to be around. At best, they are stressful people to be around. There are a lot of women who have personal experiences with these types of men.

Many of us have even heard news coverage on the demise of girls and women who have become victims of unstable men who were insecure and or felt rejected. There is still naivety and lack of awareness about this among some women.

Here are a few characteristics of someone who has a fragile masculinity:

• They tend to brag, be cocky, insecure, and very needy.

• Often, they have something to prove.

• They need all the attention, praise, and accolades they can get.

• They will hold you (and others) responsible for providing these things for them.

• If you don’t provide them, you likely will pay a price.

• They often push having their way and feel personally slighted or victimized if they don’t get it. In other words, there is commonly a sense of entitlement.

• They can be very touchy, easily feel disrespected or shamed, and you may feel the need to walk on eggshells around them.

• These types may pressure others to conform to them, without regard for how others feel.

• Commonly, they serve self, even when it appears they are serving you.

• They are likely promiscuous or cheaters.

• They can become enraged and dangerous when they feel rejected or disrespected.

I have known men with these issues, and to put it mildy, it is exhausting. Usually, I do not feel alarmed, but exasperated. However, there are two times that were exceptions, and I felt nervous.

Situation 1

I worked in healthcare for a number of years. At one point, I was working at a facility with a man who seemed all right in general. We were casually friendly with each other, but didn’t cross paths often.

He was the topic of conversation among some of the ladies, and perhaps, he was even a ladies man. They seemed quite fond of him and he was dating at least one of them. He was flirtatious with some, but seemed harmless.

One day, we were in a room together, working on two residents that we had been assigned. He abruptly suggested we make out. Startled, I let out a nervous laugh and went on about my work. I may have said no.

I may have just ignored it, not giving him a response other than laughing uncomfortably. I honestly don’t even remember! When I was ready to ask him to help me with the person I was assisting, I turned, looked at him, and before I could ask, I saw THE LOOK.

He was already distracted from his work and watching me. He was staring intently with a very mean, frightening look. I have never seen anyone look at me that way before then or since then. His eyes seemed to go right through me.

I don’t recall him saying another word. I was very uncomfortable. Was his ego bruised? The look in his eyes was as if he was very angry with me. Could he really be upset over such nonsense when he already was popular with the other ladies? As if I owed him?

Lust is never satisfied. Reminds me of this:

“Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.” Proverbs 27: 20.

I don’t recall ever working with him again. For unrelated reasons, I quit working at that facility not long after, so there were no further issues anyway.

Situation 2

This happened at my home. A guy came over to introduce himself to me shortly after I had begun to move into a new place. He behaved in a very friendly manner. However, an alert within me went off immediately. I was instantly alarmed because I got strong, bad vibes off of him as soon as he came over smirking and introduced himself to me.

The vibes were bad. At the same time, I did not understand my feelings and didn’t want to jump to conclusions, because I did not even know him. I did not respond to him in a way I thought would prompt further engagement from him. I was nervously polite and very brief with him.

It is possible he sensed that I was nervous. I am not sure. His attitude towards me changed. I did not want to rush to judgment about him, but after meeting him and his vibes, I hoped I never ran into him again. Of course, I did run into him again and again, because as I found out later, he actually lived in the same building as me, a few apartments down from me. Yikes.

Each time we crossed paths, I got bad vibes from him. Now he typically looked at me with an angry look in his eyes, and he snapped at me on a couple occasions. He liked to motion for me to walk in front of him and he would walk behind me. When I think about it now, I should have refused, because I should never knowingly allow someone to walk behind me that I don’t trust.

He made a pass at me one night in the dark parking lot where he approached me almost as soon as I drove in and parked my car. I had to tell him NO. When I was back upstairs in my apartment, I could hear him yelling downstairs. I also heard from a credible source that even though he was around, he really wasn’t living there full time with his wife anymore, because of womanizing issues.

I had a couple more concerning incidences with him after that, but everything turned out ok. For a long time, I didn’t see much of him. Then one night, his (ex?) wife sounded like she had lost her mind. Apparently, he was visiting and had done something that greatly upset her.

From inside my apartment I could hear her screaming at him and carrying on. Shortly after, I heard him exit her apartment. I watched out of the window as he walked across the parking lot. He turned and appeared to look directly up at my window before he left- seemingly for good. Thank God.

My other experiences dealing with fragile egos did not cause great concern for me, but were both offensive and enlightening. Some men had gotten attitudes with me, embarrassed me, or put me down when they felt insecure, but that is ok; I was learning from it all.

I also want to give a word of caution to the women who have male “friends.”

Be mindful of whether or not the man has pure motives in being “friends” with you. Be particularly careful if he is doing things for you or buying you things. Especially, if you don’t like him as more than a friend.

If a man has unexpressed intentions and is buying things for you or doing nice things for you and you are accepting, he may become very upset if you do not have mutual feelings for him. It is wise for women not to accept many gifts or lots of help from a man that she’s not interested in. Often, there is more going on than meets the eye.

It’s great to think that people are just being nice, but often, there are strings attached. Don’t get me wrong. There are people who do good things without a hidden agenda.

Some are harmless pals and some may simply have an interest in you too, and that is fine. Listen to your intuition, if it is speaking to you. Rest assured, there are men out there who have pure motives and are being kind in a platonic way, or they even may like you. That’s alright. There is nothing wrong with that.

On the other hand, others can change for the worse in a flash if they have a hidden agenda and things do not go their way.

•  We live in a culture where plenty boys often grow up improperly trained, wounded, and unaffirmed.

• Some become caught up in a relentless search for recognition and affirmation.

• There is objectification of women and male entitlement in many of these cases.

•  Some learn to be self-seeking, relying largely on sexual relationships and their dealings with women to feel affirmed.

They are trying to fix feelings of inadequacy from the outside in, instead of healing from the inside out. Some of them seem as if they cannot handle it when things don’t go just the way they want them to.

These types can be explosive and extra sensitive to perceived or real humiliation or rejection. They often do not respond well to “no.”

When a man is emotionally healthy and his motives are pure, he is not likely to become angry with or attempt to punish a woman when she does not respond in the way he would like to his advances.

Dealing with fragile masculinity in men has taught me:

1)  To pray for healing and deliverance for them.

2) To be guarded and respectful with them.

3) How fragile the ego is for some men.

4) How self-serving and unkind some can be.

5) That ego-fragile men often show anger, hostility, and contempt for women.

6) To always trust my discernment/ intuition, even when I can’t explain the feelings I have.

God is good, and gave us intuition or discernment for our protection. Never ignore it. I firmly believe it should be freely utilized along with prayer.