How to Identify a Godly Partner for Marriage
By Elizabeth Prata
WISDOM
I saw a 5 minute clip on Twitter of a motherly woman cooking food while talking to three younger ladies sitting at her kitchen counter bar. It was clip #3, and I haven’t seen the other clips, but I loved this one.
It began with a question from a young lady who apparently is engaged. She asked about submitting to her fiancé, and her desire IS to submit, in order to show him that she will be a submissive wife.
The reply was gracious and good. First of all, the woman said that the Bible does not command women to submit to almost-husbands, boyfriends, or random men, but to submit to her own husband. Submission is not commanded until she has a ring on her finger and he has taken vows under which the verse says he will lay down his life for her. Then the three gals cutely chanted ‘Put a ring on it, put a ring on it.’
This is correct, and I agree. The verse says, Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22.
Then the young lady followed up with wondering how to show her husband-to-be that she is submissive. The answer by the Titus 2 woman was also wise. If her fiancé is the leader she needs him to be, he will know how to gauge her submissiveness, along with everything else he wants in a Christian wife (not solely submissiveness).
Without the young lady having to practice it front of him or specifically demonstrating submission to a man she is not married to as yet, firstly, he can observe her submission to God. How does she do in the good times and times that are not so good? Does she rely on the Lord? Keep her composure? Maintain her trust in His promises that all He does is good? Is she prayerful?
And secondly, she can observe him. Watch how he submits to his parents. How he treats them. How he speaks of them. The matron reminded the young lady, the Bible says to ‘Honor Thy Parents’.
At this juncture the young lady interjected that the man she intends to marry speaks ill of his mother, and has grudges against her and won’t speak to her. The Matronly woman said if he speaks ill of his mom, he will eventually speak ill of her. The girls pondered this silently for a moment.
This is true. I have seen this. How a person behaves now is how he will behave later. If he holds grudges now, he’ll hold them later. Gossip now, gossip later. Perhaps he will grow in the future as he becomes more sanctified. But we’re talking marriage here. Young women and young men vetting a mate would do well to see if they are ready now. Not marry now and hope he changes later.
By this time, the girls were getting the idea that they also look at the husband-to-be with a biblical lens. It’s not all just one-way. It’s not solely about submissiveness, either.
Auntie asked, ‘Has he talked to you about how he will be the leader of the house? How he plans to provide, protect, and love you?’ At this point the young lady said they had been together two years, and he can’t keep a job. That he loses them, it’s always someone else’s fault, he doesn’t like the people he works with, or some excuse or another.
If this was a movie, the Director would be cueing the ‘uh-oh’ music by now. The gal eventually said, “I guess his actions don’t always align with what he is saying.”
This is wisdom. I liked how the Titus 2 older lady brought the younger woman to this piece of important wisdom without necessarily downgrading the young man or judging her choice in him. She had asked questions, related verses or biblical concepts, and let the gal ponder and come to her conclusions. If you are strong in the Bible, the Spirit will lead you there.
Girls, Ladies, women, sisters, if there is one thing I learned the hard way, is that what people say and what they do must match up. We are Christians, told to and wanting to believe the best in people. We trust. But we need to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves, as well. (Matthew 10:16). We MUST look at the behavior and see if their stated Christian values align with their actions.
Auntie reminded the girls that we will know the true vs. the false by their fruit. That is another good verse to help us pick through the emotions, words, and actions to determine whether what we are holding in our hand is an apple or a thorn. These two young people met in church. But even at that, we can’t set aside the warning bells, mismatch of words vs actions. It is easy to rationalize away mere words on a case by case basis. But when holding words AND actions to the lens of scripture, things become clear, even with people you dearly love, or want to love.
“This guy is showing you that he can’t keep a job. Are you going to want to work to provide for the family for the entire marriage?”
Gal said, “No…”
And the reply was “Well, he is already showing you that he is unwilling to provide.”
Ladies, if you know the whole counsel of God it will prepare you for vetting a potential life mate. Marriage is not just learning that “the wife submits, the wife submits, the wife submits.” Look at your boyfriend’s word and actions. Is he self-controlled? He will be with you AND your children. Is he a diligent, hard worker? He will provide for you. Does he honor his parents? He will honor you. Does he faithfully attend church and serve in godly ways? He is showing you that he will maintain his equilibrium over the years because he is standing on the Foundation.
Stay in church, stay reading your Bible, keep praying for that man to come along. Be wise and innocent, be a fruit inspector. Pursue wisdom!
The Pursuit of Wisdom Brings Security
2 My son, if you will receive my words
And treasure my commandments within you,
2 Make your ear attentive to wisdom;
Incline your heart to understanding.
3 For if you cry out for insight,
And raise your voice for understanding;
4 If you seek her as silver
And search for her as for hidden treasures;
5 Then you will understand the fear of the Lord,
And discover the knowledge of God.
6 For the Lord gives wisdom;
From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.
(Proverbs 2:2-6)
