Little by Little — grateful, yet grieving

In my backyard, I have two 55-gallon rain barrels that collect the rainwater after each storm. I regularly fill up my watering can from the spout on the rain barrel to water my plants. The process gives me a glimpse of how I acquired hope during the intense season of grief I had after my husband suddenly died.

It wasn’t a visible process, but over time I began to see that hope was emerging. It came through different sources. After a hike or walk on a beautiful day on a trail or path, I sensed glimpses of hope. When I went to my Bible and found a verse reflecting my pain and giving me comfort, I was given a bit of hope.

Psalm 119:49, (NIV) says, “Remember your word to your servant. You have given me hope through it.” God’s Word was and is a continuous source of hope to me.

When other people shared their story and loss, I would come away with some hope. They made it through and were moving forward in their journey. Knowing I was not alone was huge in giving me hope. 

Hope began to accumulate and I noticed how it made me feel. The heaviness of my grief was overwhelming at times. Hope offered me a chance to take a break and breath. My grief was still there, but I could move forward and not stay stuck.

As I look back, I saw that hope came in small amounts when I needed it the most that first year. I am now able to offer hope to others as they take their grief journey. Like rainwater, we can collect hope, little by little and recycle it to others on the same path.