Mailbag: What does forgiveness look like for an unrepentant, remarried adulterer? - Divorce Minister
JannaG asks:
What should forgiveness of an unrepentant adulterer look like when you’ve divorced and they’re remarried and you haven’t had any contact in years?
Well, I will begin by saying the spiritual well-being of the adulterer is not the responsibility of the faithful ex-spouse.
You are under no obligation to reach out to this individual. In fact, I don’t think doing so would be wise.
They are clearly not bothered enough to attempt to fix what they destroyed by their sins. I do not think reaching out to them to address those sins will get you anything but grief and further abuse.
So, don’t do it!
What you control is yourself in these matters. Focus upon working through handing the injustices experienced over to God.
For example, I recommend writing out in a journal what injustices you experienced. Make a list. Then verbally–or in writing–choose to entrust those injustices to God.
As the anger and pain return, remind yourself that you are choosing to give those to God for Him to handle. I would mimic nailing those wrongs to a cross with my hands as if I was nailing a piece of paper to remind me where those wrongs are now.
Be kind and patient with yourself. Forgiving someone for such a deep trauma will take time.
It took me several years before my rage towards my wicked, interfering, ex-father-in-law subsided.
God will not be mocked (Galatians 6:7). He will settle accounts whether in this life or the next. We can entrust our pain to Him.
In the end, our forgiveness towards the unrepentant cheater looks like entrusting them to God. We are transferring our right to punish them to God. This frees us to live without anger, bitterness, or rage consuming us.
Giving them to God also gives me freedom to live my life without them living in my head all the time. I have too much to do than to allow them to continue to consume my thoughts. They aren’t that important.
Hope that helps!
-DM
