The one sown with seed on the rocky places, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy; yet he has no firm root in himself, but is only temporary, and when affliction or persecution occurs because of the [word, immediately he falls away- Matthew 13:20-21 NASB

From time-to-time, I have a conversation with the Lord that goes something like this:

Me: Good morning God!  What do you want me to write about this week?

God: I want you to write about ____________________.

Me: Uh… I’m sorry God, I hate to tell you this but no one wants to read that. It will make people mad. 

God: I know. Write it anyway. 

Me: Sigh. Okay. 

Such was the case this last week. I asked God for a topic. He gave me one. I argued with Him. He won. It’s His thing. 

So.

I work in an arena of ministry with many people who have relatives (usually adult kids, but not always) who are walking a very sinful path. Sometimes these adult kids are so steeped in sin they are walking several different sinful paths all at the same time (trust me it can be done). All these adult children know their behavior is wrong because they were raised to know right from wrong. The folks I work with are looking for some kind of spiritual hope for their loved one. More often than not, they find that hope in a commitment the adult child made to the Lord a long time ago, often in childhood or their early teens. Sometimes the child who is now walking in sin appeared to walk with God for a season. However, that ship has officially sailed. They are now living lives that completely oppose God and everything He’s all about.  Nonetheless, these parents cling to the belief that their child’s childhood commitment was the real deal and “proof” their child is a believer. 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news (truly I do). 

However, this line of thinking is not wise or biblical. It is personally comforting to believe a loved one is saved when they are living far from God. However, it is not in our best interest or theirs to hang all our hopes on a prayer a child (or an adult, for that matter) prayed at some point in the distant past, when there is zero fruit to indicate they have made the journey from spiritual death to spiritual life (Matthew 3:9-11, Matthew 7:16-20, Luke 6:43-44, John 15:4, Galatians 5:19-24). 

 Here’s why:

False hope keeps us from praying rational and compassionate prayers-

The most loving thing one human can do for another is pray for their salvation (Acts 2:21, Acts 4:12, 1stCorinthians 6:9-10, Titus 2:11-12).  Therefore, if a loved one does not live like a Christian the loving and logical thing is to assume they aren’t one and pray accordingly. If we get it wrong, the Lord will sort it out. 

There is very little space in the New Testament for Christians who don’t at least try and act like Christians-

There’s just not (Romans 6:1-23, Romans 7:4-6, Ephesians 2:1-10, 2nd Corinthians 5:17, 2nd Peter 1:3-11). It is normal for new Christians and even seasoned saints to stumble and even fall sometimes. No one this side of heaven is free of their sin nature. We should not assume that just because a Christian screws up (even in a really big way) they are unsaved. That being said, the Bible makes it clear: authentic believers in Jesus do not wallow around in sin for years and years with no apparent remorse or desire to change. Nor do they mock Jesus, Christianity or other Christians. True Christians do not write or speak about how freeing it is to depart the faith and live a life of unfettered sin. Jesus is clear: no fruit (or ONLY bad fruit) no salvation. That doesn’t mean anyone is doomed. As long as a person is breathing there is hope for redemption (John 3:16, Romans 5:7-9).  That said, we must be realistic about their spiritual state in order to help them. 

Children don’t always understand the commitment they made-

It is spiritually risky to assume a child or teenager understands or understood all the ins-and-outs of making a heartfelt commitment to Jesus when many saved adults struggle with the concepts of salvation and sanctification. We must understand that from a developmental standpoint the teen years are a period of life when people “try on” identities and decide who they want to be and how they want to live. If a teen or child “tries on” the identity of “Christian” or goes through the motions of living like a Christian for a season but never REALLY repents of their sin and follows through on a commitment to obey Jesus as the Lord of their life, the whole thing was (sadly) just another phase of childhood and nothing more. Consequently, it’s critical parents ensure children and teens who profess Christ are given a LOT of follow-up care and discipleship. It’s the best way to stack the odds in favor of a genuine commitment to Jesus (John 10:9). 

I am not arguing people “lose” their salvation. However, Jesus made it clear there will be people who make commitments to God who don’t really mean it or understand what that commitment entails. Those people inevitably “fall away” (Matthew 7:13-23, Matthew 25:31-46, Mark 16:16). If those folks die without truly knowing Christ as Lord, they will not make it heaven. We prove our love for these people by praying fervently they will understand their spiritual reality and seek God while He can be found (Isaiah 55:6, Hebrews 4:6-7, 2nd Peter 3:9, Matthew 24:13).