''My Husband Never Initiates Intimacy'' - 10 Serious Factors To Consider - Olubunmi Mabel

Sex in marriage is a beautiful thing.

It is especially satisfying to have your spouse initiate it.

Such gestures scream, “I love you.”

“I want you always.”

“You are so attractive!”

“I love making love with you.”

“I can’t get over what I feel for you.”

Beyond sex, when your spouse initiates intimacy, it makes you feel safe, loved, and desired.

You may not always be in the mood or mind frame for it, but if you are sincere, his gesture makes you feel good.

For instance, anytime I come close to my husband, I love to see his body respond to me, even when I am not ready to go all the way.

This makes me think of how frustrating it must be for women who have to cope with a husband who never initiates intimacy.

This is a puzzling one!

Let’s unravel it together, shall we?

”My Husband Never Initiates Intimacy” – 10 Serious Factors To Consider

1. Stress

''My Husband Never Initiates Intimacy'

Stress is a killer!

It is not just a physical killer, but it is a killer of the desire for intimacy in marriage.

If your husband is undergoing a high level of stress, he may not be interested in starting anything with you.

In fact, intimacy may be the farthest thing from his mind because of what he is going through.

I once heard of a couple who moved their family to the UK, and the man had to work three jobs to pay the bills.

He was always tired and cranky when he got back home.

He slowly became a monster, and his wife and children couldn’t recognize him.

The once peaceful family had slowly turned into a battle-wrecked war zone.

Eventually, the couple parted ways due to unreconcilable differences.

That was very unfortunate, but if your husband is stressed, please advise him to destress and encourage him to rest.

Also, you can show understanding of his situation and encourage him to seek therapy if needed.

2. No attraction

''My Husband Never Initiates Intimacy'

They say men are moved by what they see, and women are moved by what they say.

While this might not be true across the board, it has some truisms.

So if a husband never initiates intimacy, something is very wrong!

Maybe he is not just attracted to what he sees: his wife.

When my husband comes around and we are having banters, the next thing I see is an erection.

Whenever I tease him, he usually responds, “I can’t help myself. I am very attracted to you,” that’s why.

When you are attracted to someone, you will feel the urge to have them closer than close.

So for a husband to never initiate intimacy; no kissing, no cuddling, no tender touches, no sex… it means he isn’t attracted to his wife.

Attraction needs to exist between couples as this is a fuel for intimacy.

3. Erectile dysfunction

I stumbled on a clip from Flawsome Season 2, episode 8, where a husband in the movie had erectile dysfunction and couldn’t have sex with his wife.

Meanwhile, his wife was burning with sexual desire.

Konji is a serious thing o!

The sexless state of her marriage so shook her that she couldn’t think straight, smile, or even act normal again.

She eventually got sex toys to satisfy herself.

My focus is on the situation of the man in that movie.

The woman was very pained in the movie because she wanted to feel wanted by her husband.

I also wondered why the man couldn’t explore foreplay, hand job, and other means of making his wife feel wanted while they tried to find a solution to his medical issue.

I concluded that maybe he felt helpless, frustrated, and ashamed of the condition that he didn’t bother initiating intimacy.

This is why a husband never initiates intimacy with his wife.

4. Revenge

''My Husband Never Initiates Intimacy'

A man who never initiates intimacy but married you may not have good intentions towards you. 

His aim may be to get revenge or cause you misery.

These things may not be very popular, but they happen.

Similarly, he may be upset at you for something that happened between you.

The truth is, this reason is toxic, and no one should manipulate the other sexually in marriage.

5. He is scared 

Your husband may not initiate intimacy because he is scared.

This won’t be a permanent pattern in the marriage.

Perhaps you are pregnant and your husband is overly sensitive about hurting the baby, so he refrains from initiating intimacy because you are in a “fragile state.”

Well, this husband needs knowledge to set him free because even though pregnancy is a delicate state, his wife needs all his love and affection.

If your doctor doesn’t specifically tell you to avoid sex, then you are free.

On the other hand, in cases where, because of high-risk pregnancy complications, the doctor may advise the couple to abstain from sex.

The fear of the implications of having sex may make your husband refrain from initiating sex.

6. He is no longer interested in the relationship

Intimacy is one of the solid pillars marriages stand on.

Without intimacy, the couple are just flat mates or at most bed mates.

A husband who never initiates sex with his wife may be tired of the relationship.

7. Cheating''My Husband Never Initiates Intimacy'

You must’ve expected to see this too, right?

Think of a time you ate until you were full…

You were probably too full to eat anymore, even though you liked what was on your plate.

A husband who never initiates intimacy with his wife may be emotionally and physically vested elsewhere.

Maybe he gives and gets all he needs from his side chick, and his wife has now become an artifact to him.

Since his emotional and sexual needs are met outside, he doesn’t care for his wife or her needs.

8. He is gay

A husband who never initiates intimacy with his wife may not be into females.

He may be gay, and that explains why he doesn’t initiate intimacy.

9. He suspects you of cheating

''My Husband Never Initiates Intimacy'

A husband may stop initiating intimacy with his wife if he suspects that she cheated on him.

Whether it is something he heard from a friend or something he saw, the shock and hurt from the possibility of his wife cheating can cause him to withdraw from you.

He may not talk about the elephant in the room if you are aware that he knows.

He may also keep it under wraps if he knows you are unaware.

However, his withdrawal from physical intimacy will give him away.

I recommend that you both talk things out sincerely.

10. Temporary factors

There are also other temporary factors that can cause this.

Just so you know, the operative word here is TEMPORARY.

If a man is suffering from depression, intimacy may be the last thing on his mind.

Also, if your relationship has unsettled issues, your husband may stop initiating intimacy.

It is unusual for a husband to never initiate intimacy with his wife.

However, it may be due to temporary or more serious factors, as highlighted in this article.

This is a very hurtful place to be in and I empathize with you.

What to do?

The first thing to do is to talk to him about it.

It may not even be about you; he may be feeling self-hate, which makes him keep to himself.

His action may have nothing to do with you, but how would you know the reason for it if you didn’t talk to him about it?

The outcome of your conversation will determine the next course of your actions.

Please be open to the possibility of therapy for one or both of you as you move to resolve this together.

Undoubtedly, intimacy is a big deal, and no one should be subjected to torture in that regard.

If your husband made this unrepentant, selfish move, you need to consider the future of your relationship.

I wish you all the best.

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